bringing down the house.....
3 days.
It's been 3 days.
My head hurts.
Alhamdulillah!!! Before I opened my mouth every time, I thought..."ya RAB, sabit lisanee!!" Which means....keep my tongue firm. Sort of like saying....OKAY TONGUE! DON"T BETRAY ME NOW!!!
And my tongue was loyal. I managed to sit quietly when I needed to. I managed to answer well. I managed. I did. I managed. Alhamdulillah.
I answered many of the points that we raised in the previous days. When TCF accused me of not raising the children well....I put it back on him. I said....."why did you send me to Egypt with them then?" "Obviously you trusted me with the responsibility......amazing how only now realized that there is a problem with the kids........any problems with them can easily be fixed by having a father in the house.....I guess after 6 yrs, the kids have just gotten used to my methods....I think it's ur turn to take over...."
OH.....he also accused me of blowing apart the kids world by asking for divorce and getting it. To which I replied....I asked for a divorce under HALAL conditions......no blame on me for that. Same as you introduce polygyny into our family.....HALAL as well, right? And no less intrusive and devastating.
Silence.
I accused him....
YOU"VE HURT US ALL!
YOUR KIDS ARE SUFFERING!
IT"S YOUR CHOICES THAT BROUGHT US HERE TODAY!!
Silence.
We sat for 6 hours talking, arguing, bickering, compromising...etc etc. U name it. And then........
Hubby got a text message. I didn't pay attention to it. Who cares? At one point in the evening, he takes me aside and says...."Whats going on with you and the text messages?" I sat him down and told him...."4 days ago, I sent MM a text telling her to stop sending texts cuz she was upsetting the children....she said she's sending them to her love and she's not a criminal....." You'll find it in the post called Here I am. Anyhoo....he says to me...okay and then after that?
I say....what after? He says...did u send her any more texts? No...I say. I made my point....she's hurting the kids and she has to stop. (although it was silly of me to think it'd make a difference, she's signed her own kids away...)
That evening....his sister asks me if I sent MM a text message. When I asked? She says...today? NO! WTH??
It seems that while we were sitting for those 6 hours...when she sent her text....it said something like this...."Safa just sent me another text message and now she's being very mean."
CAUGHT!
It was a smack in his face. If ever there were doubts.....this was so blatant. I'd been sitting there for 6 hours in front of him and his 2 brothers and his sister and the SIL. She literally wants to destroy his life........and now he can't deny it.
By the end of last night.....he couldn't stand up. His legs collapsed on him. I'm not kidding. SubhanAllah. It's strange that an unfair man will be paralyzed on the day of judgement....and here he was dragging his feet.......YA RAB!
May Allah show us the way....ameen. And I thank Allah for the SIL that I've never really cared much for.........I never noticed the diamond in the rough.......subhanAllah. But I swear....she's been IN HIS FACE constantly......and if I never really liked her before....I have to love her for that.......
Back later......
~~~~
posted by Safa at 7:31 AM
12 Comments:
What makes a woman like MM want to tear down another woman? We are not the enemies of one another. I don't get the logic of women who blame other women for their marital woes, or those who would sabotage the happiness of another with such malicious intent. But then, perhaps polygyny brings out the worst in women. The competition for a man's attention, his love, his time...it devalues us as women, whether you're Muslim, Christian, Hindu, Jewish, whatever...when one must scratch and claw her way above another woman for respect and love, there is something very, very wrong with that picture.
9:03 AM
As I read this I can only feel proud of you and how well you are handling things. I love that you made such good points, he couldn't possibly have any way to deny what you said at all. He trusted you with their care all these years, he can't just now say you did a bad job!!! Personally, I don't know you except things you post on this blog and the main thing that struck me about you from the get-go was the impression that you are a great mother.
Did he have any reaction when he realized MM was lying about the text? I can imagine the look on his face was one of confusion!!!
9:11 AM
HA! I think this is very hopeful. It's great.
9:38 AM
asalaam alaikum,
Safa, I'm amazed by you. You seem to be handling yourself well with everybody. InshaAllah I pray that Allah helps you through the time to come. Keep strong and steadfast.
10:09 AM
Assalam O Alaikum,
Dear Sister safa,
Does your ex-husband knows that you are writing this blog. does he read the comments? He should, he will know how wrong he is, and what is he doing. I am sorry I wrote EX-HUSBAND. Because I don't think I can even call him human being, because human being deep in heart knows that he is doing wrong, but your ex-husband is far far far from that. And his wife, I don't know what she thinks, she must think she is the Queen. But she is nothing but lier, and low class.
10:51 AM
Assalam O alaikum,
sister safa, your ex-husband's wife just gave up her kids to be with your ex-husband, sister, that's not love. It's purely lust. She is going to leave him in the loop hanging all alone by himself. InshaAllah in a year or two.
12:17 PM
Sabatoge!
12:25 PM
mashallah!!! how many time it happens, that people we dont count on them, are backing us...subhan Allah.
May Allah open ur husband's eyes, yxa Rabb, ameen!!!!!!
sisters, whoever reads this, plase say ameen for my duas!:((
12:27 PM
Do you mean to say that while you were all sitting together for 6 hours-you in front of them, she sent a message saying that you were messaging her??????
1:20 PM
Safa, they are putting you through a lot when you are just asking for your rights. Don't let them do that to you. Tell them the discussion is over, khalas. You don't want to go through this or put your daughters through all his family and him interrogating you.
Try to take care of yourself!
Anisah
8:28 PM
subhanallah. safa i have been in shock since reading what is going on. i know that if i'm feeling such raw emotions myself you must be dealing with some pretty serious stuff.
what i find the most shocking is that he says you're a bad mother. you may not be perfect, but who is? he's blaming you for something he takes no part in so he can shift the blame off himself. you get what im saying? he stands back and lets you do it so when it goes wrong it's all your fault. the problem is that he doesnt get that him standing back and not doing anything makes him at fault.
i'm sorry i dont have any wisdom or wonderful advice to give you.
hang in there and be strong, just remember that if you do want to reconcile that you will have to make concessions as well as him, regardless of what happened in the past. you will need to do it if you want to move forward.
having said that, don't think i'm trying to tell you to sit back and be mistreated again. NO not at all. you just have to figure out, and i'm sure you have already, what are absolute deal breakers. what you must have and what you would just like to have and also what you will absolutely not accept.
hugs to you and yours
maryam
10:44 PM
CG.....it should have been obvious to him from the beginning when she sent the douch on his very first visit.....
Weekends....thanks so much....I'm sure he was concealing his reaction very well....he sent her a text message a day later.....I would KILL to know what it said...
Umm Soud...AMEEN!
UAR....YES....She sent the message towards the end of the 6 hours....and said I was sending her texts messages.....I hadn't budged.....
UAR2.....I take into account that many things are said in anger. I also realize that TCF KNOWS he's in the wrong. Just like his family KNOWS he's in the wrong....he was basically trying to save face.....it was a poor attempt that really didn't fall much further than his nose. After he calmed down, I got my chance. But I wasn't going to get into a screaming war.....I'd just be giving power to his accusations. If anything....I sat there feeling sorry for his last ditch attempt to justify his behaviour.....
3:30 AM
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