and so it ends.....

Many hours later now........I'm still in shock I believe. I am a divorced woman now. Yes, he divorced me. I pushed him to it......

We went downstairs.....I sat there and the BIL started to talk. He asked me a few questions...asked me what sort of man my husband was when I married him. He asked me many questions actually. I answered firmly. Then he started.......and went into monologue mode. Yes, this was when I realized that my BIL was NOT on my side and supportive of me asking for my rights. He wanted me to wait some more. He said for me to at least wait until the court case is over, and then Ya Frigha Rabbana......which I think means like......Whatever Allah wants. I just don't go for more waiting.

But the words that hurt me the most.......was that my BIL said that according to my husband I've never been the ideal wife..........and that my husband married on me twice because of it. He needed another wife because I don't keep my house spotless enough. That sucks. And it sucks that my BIL had the nerve to say that to me. And after all has been done....its those very words that cut me. When we came upstairs, my husband told the kids the same thing. (and it only made them mad at their father for saying it)

If that's the only way he feels that he can justify his marriages.....well....that's just too bad. Imagine after all this time him coming and saying...."it's ur fault that I married cuz you aren't organized"

Yes, I have faults. Sigh.

While we were talking downstairs....my husband........sigh.........no.......not my husband. TCF. The Childrens Father.

While we were talking downstairs TCF got upset many times. Even though his brother did most of the talking. He would pipe off about something I just said......he yelled at me. He said I wasn't a good mother. He made fun of me. He even called me Kelba.

It all hurt me. But I fought myself not to respond. I didn't want to lose our point......which he worked very hard at doing. He even started bringing up little petty things. But I sat stiffly.

Yes, I did cry a couple of times. But I caught it. My voice would waver.....and I'd say Bismillah.....take a deep breath and conquer the moment. I didn't break down. Alhamdulillah.

I said numerous times.....I want fair treatment. The BIL told me that the court case is the problem. Sigh. At one point.....TCF played hardball.

"You want a divorce, eh?? DO YOU?? WHAT DO YOU WANT???"

I looked right at him and told him. Then he started the whole...."You are going to be sorry. You are going to cry TEARS over me. You are going to kiss ur childrens hands. You are going to regret this day.....blah blah"

Again......I didn't let this bring me down. Eventually, he subsided. The BIL would continue......even yelling at him to calm down.

I said I wanted to go to Cda. He refused. He doesn't have money. The BIL said that I'd destroy my family if I went back, cuz TCF is on the way. I asked about the new business. He has no emotional attachment to the store the BIL said. As soon as the court case is over he's coming back. He's going to tell the partner that he'll only be coming 3 times a year to the store and if it works....then good. If not, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. And take his money and leave.

I balked. Canada cannot be a part of our life if I am to remain in this marriage. He needs to cut all ties. The BIL talked to him about it. TCF didn't say anything.

I said that the unfair P is hurting me. I need my time. BIL says...wait till after the court case. I want it now, I says. Nothing is changed I said. Hubby will be leaving me again, and I'll never get my time.

BIL said so many promises at this point.....and I just looked at the BIL and said...."I just don't believe it anymore."

I sat there shaking my head. No......no........no. Then I quietly said...."If you cannot be fair among your wives, then have only one..." I looked at TCF and said...."I don't want to be your wife anymore"

The anger in his eyes was instant......and he yelled at me...."INTEE TALAQ!!!!"

He stood up, so did I. He got his shoes and went upstairs. I was leaving as well......but the SIL told me to sit down. I sat again, 2 seconds, got up and said...NO, I want to go upstairs.

He had the kids all in the livingroom and was going on...."okay children.....your mom has been asking for a divorce....blah blah......" He said many things, of which I don't approve. The children crying. It was looking at my 10 yr old that hurt me the most.

"There is no reason for this!" I told him. "CALM DOWN! Go make wudhu and pray 2 rakats!! Anything you want to tell them can wait till tomorrow!"

THEY HAVE TO KNOW....he said. I told them to go out of the livingroom, but the two oldest said they wanted to hear what he had to say.

-he said he did his best
-that I've been lying to him
-that he's been patient with me
-that he married again because I'm not a good wife

Oh he went on. The oldest challenged him a few times. To which he responded LOUDER and STRONGER of voice then her. The BIL came upstairs......and continued on. He said to me...."if you go and sleep with your husband now, this will all be over...."

Sigh. TCF doesn't want to sleep with me, remember? Another sigh...........

Eventually I got the kids inside.........I won't forget the BIL's angry face when he looked at me. BIL left....and I was sitting in the small livingroom with the kids all around me. Red eyed and distressed. My 10 yr old says...." I knew something bad was going to happen...." I tilted her face up to me and told her......

"Baba is stuck in the mud, my dear. And Mama is trying to stand next to him, but I keep getting the mud all over me.....there's even some on you. I needed to stand back so I could get clean........perhaps he'll work his way out."

Then yet another surprise. Hubby went in the bedroom and started packing all his stuff. All of it. He took it all and went down to the BIL's. He told the kids, I"m just downstairs if you need me. And left.

.....and so it ends..........