A minor setback
I don't think the pain of betrayal ever really goes away. This time two years ago, my husband had just left egypt. He married MM on Dec 2nd. Just 3 short days after leaving my bed.
And as that horrible day approaches again......I remember where I was last year. Do you remember THIS post?
And I'm trying to keep my head up. I'm trying not to succumb to the sadness that is pulling at me. But this is a sad rememberance for me.
Temporary doesn't last two years.
posted by Safa at 12:54 AM
19 Comments:
OH girl...........My heart. Men...I love you. I wish I could pull you out f this mess but only YOU can do that.
one day
you will stop letting him have all the choices.
one day he will not longer control yur life
YOU have to decide what yoour future will be
NOT him
WHY give him that power
What has he done to deserve it
what has he done latly to deserve you??
3:20 AM
Safa,
You know it's not temporary, don't you? The changes in your husband have long-term and far-reaching implications.
But my advice is: Carpe diem! Seize the day!
Make this one and those to come about you and your children's happiness.
Love you,
PM
7:25 AM
He hasn't done ANYTHING to deserve me lately.....and I'm going to be watching for something....anything to happen......
It will be temporary now PM....cuz his time gets shorter every day.....I've got more to say on that.....
8:33 AM
I'm with PM - it's your call girl.
A really great sister once told me "When people show you who they are...believe them."
You won't change him. You decide how long you want to drag this out, how long you want your children in that atmosphere.
We all have opinions and views...and they're all different..but I think even those who can see how many years you have invested in the marriage, the benefits of staying in it, will admit that after all of this that at the very least, it's time for a true separation of the marriage. Let him earn his place back in your life as a husband. Then you'll have one. Right now...I'm not sure what you have. You know?
Making duaa for you, all the time.
1:16 PM
Safa, don't let this day own you. Shower yourself with guilty pleasures instead. Saying "look! I love myself! I deserve this fancy smancy jewelry" and pamper yourself instead of beat yourself up.
You have made it through a lot. Alhumdullilah. You are alive and kicking through one of the worst things that could happen to a marriage.
And like the poster above said. This is not temporary. The damage is forever. The break might could be mended but it will never be the same.
Hugs to you.
3:56 PM
Safa,
it already happened.......
HES MARRIED
DONT BE LIKE ME AND WAIT. Dont hold on to hope when there is nothing else to hld on to. Safa, girl, If he cared he would not do this. NOT to you. NOt to his family. Not to his eman.
His ife is not about you. It is about him. He is like my ex. it is easy to run to you. be wit you. you are the safe one. the one he can count on. the one that will do for him. that will love him. Not with all the drama but just be there. he needs that but not you. he does noot see you. he does not see your pain. it is outof his radar. YOU are off the screen. but you keep on blinking shining so brightly. why.. your not happy. ... dont do it. dont let him haev anymore choices of her or you...will he or wont he......is she or isnt she.....
MAKE YUR CHOICE
take back your keys.
Get a new driver girl....lol
(sorry yall private joke)
6:46 PM
I love you like cheese grits.....
7:19 PM
Safa, I dont know... dont hate me for saying this. But if he does nothing for you, and nothing for your children. If you all do the hubba hubba dance when he leaves, then why allow him to stay?
9:53 PM
Thanks Huda and Sobia.....
Lolly: What to say...you know me better than anyone.....I'm working on the keys....I'm so slow...sigh
UAR: My bestest friend.....thanks for that.........it actually makes me feel better....lol
Lost: I wish I could answer that question.....
2:30 AM
Hey, there's a new button on my comment box....I'm going to try it....
2:31 AM
Well, I love you like Falooda. hahahhaha Just kiddin...(i hate that stuff)
Safa, one day you'll wake up and of had enough.
He won't believe it. He'll be shocked and mean.
But you'll know it's all his fault.
And your heart will be dead to him.
And it will be easy for you on that day...to get up, slam the door in HIS face and get on with your life.
And eventually, you will be happy again.
And we will all cheer for you, Safa. Who did all she could, but knew when to bow out.
Love ya.
12:53 PM
Safa I noticed that your picture is back on your profile (Yes I have been away for quite a little while) are you advertising? You know all the sisters gave you a ration of fushnickens the last time you put your picture up. Alas there you are looking deep into the souls of thousands of men daily, many of them are probably intently waiting for some sort of sign to come to the rescue. What's that song? Someday my prince will come. Yeah even Mom's of five have princes, but then there is the whole brier patch thing. Read the story of Brer Rabbit and Brer Fox and you will know what I am talking about. The pain you have in some sick way is comfortable at least more comfortable than the unknown. So we will see how long you look at us this time. I liked the other picture more though.
Keep smiling you know there is going to be some funny stuff come out of this.
2:32 PM
Safa, I love you and I know you've had hard times, and I don't want to criticize you, but it seems like you want to stay because you're scared with all those children of breaking out on your own and also of having to take care of yourself. Whatever the scholar or whoever said, you know how things are in Egypt and they are not going to make him pay you half his income. It sounds to me like a big hassle for you. You've got everything planned out, the villa and whatnot and now you just wish you could make him be what you want him to be. Enough already. Seriously. Either accept the fact that you're going to be married to a jerk for the rest of your or accept the fact that your life is about to get much harder. We can't make everything be perfect. It's bitter and it sucks sometimes. Inshallah it will be all right in the end for you, but I think not until you give up this struggle to make it all fit perfectly.
11:03 PM
Assalaaum alaikum,
Huda I love that saying. It is so very true. Why do we continue to fight to believe that a person is the way we want them to be, when clearly they've shown us they are not? (Yes...I'm speaking about my own experience here.)
Safa, I do remember that post. You were so hurt....Now you seem like you heart is dead towards him. There is a song that goes: "Pain, without love. Pain, I can't get enough. Pain, I like it rough, because I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all." Is that why we stay?
(Did you get my email a while back? It was in response to yours to me...I just emailed you again today asking if you got the previous one.)
8:36 AM
Assalamu'alaikum Safa,
I believe Allah is always there to provide us a way out. It's always up to us to see those opportunities and run with it. There were several opportunities for you to get out of this relationship but you missed the boat or probably weren't strong enough to see the marriage for what it was worth at the time.One of them was when you were in Canada, before you even had the baby. That would've been a perfect time for you to move on. You would've had the baby in Canada, all the girls were with you and you could've filed for custody at the Canadian family courts. I'm not trying to belittle you, coz I've missed several boats too. But, you know, Allah never abandons us, there will be other opportunities. However the longer you wait, the more complicated things will get.
I have my own strategies too, but you've got to play the game Safa. Act like you are just going along with his plans but have an escape route ready too. He married you behind your back and betrayed you, now is his turn to feel the pain that you went through. I know it's wrong to be vindictive but it's either you stay oppressed and live a miserable life or you need to strategize and make your move.
Is there any way you can convince him you want to go back to Canada with the kids to visit your mom? Or perhaps you can go with him when he finalizes everything in Canada with his apartment and Business. Tell him it's just for closure etc....just make something up. I fear for you and your kids' wellbeing if you did end up becoming a single mom there. Anyway, just something for you to think about or perhaps you already are thinking about! LOL! Take care, sweetie......See you on the other side. Let's see who can get there first!:) I'm kidding, just trying to make light of the situation we're both in.
Wassalam
9:33 AM
O, Allah be with you sister. Dear God I don't know what I would have done in your place. I wish I could give you a hug. I wish I would have known of you while I was in Egypt. :(
10:38 AM
Well, stay in the marriage but let him go back to canada and leave you all alone.
11:09 AM
Safa,
Haven't wrote to you in a while, sorry things have been busy with packing and all that stuff.
You have some really thoughtful and loving friends here, and I congratulate you on that.
My greatest concern when I read the comments is statements about you waking up or having to decide between this and that. As far as I see it, why do you have to "do" anything? You are spending your time reflecting and contemplating and who's to say that you NEED to do anything. Saying things about you waking up, implies that you are asleep and unaware, though I see nothing that suggests that. Also, others talk about you investing in your life (villa, etc) and how you are seemingly contradicting yourself and you need to go either way.
You are where you are because that's where you need to be in this time and this place. Should you feel like you want to move and do something, I trust that you are resourceful and powerful enough to do that.
I trust- and I think you ought to do the same about yourself and your judgment. There isn't a right or wrong with your situation, you have choices and you have to live with each one that you make or don't make (cause not making a choice, is a way of making one too).
May Allah guide you towards what is good for you and your family. Ameen.
12:08 PM
Seeker.....wow....perhaps you've guessed closer to the truth than you suspect.....subhanAllah!
Dr Layla.....I'm not making any choices right now. He's here, in my house, and MM is far away. For the time being, yes. When that situation will change.....then it'll be time for me to see what I'm going to do.......
LOL @ Anon 11:09....
2:02 PM
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