To the first wife.......

Has your husband just approached you about another wife? Are you sitting at your computer, desperately typing in the search engine something to calm you?

First wife Islam?

Islam Polygyny?

Muslim Polygyny?

Sad Muslim co wife?

Polygyny blog?

Muslim woman another wife?

What are you typing into your search engine? Do you think that you are going to read something that'll make you feel better?

When I was going down this road almost 2 years ago, I did this very thing. I found 2 P blogs. Both sisters reached out to me, and until today, are my greatest friends. LL&LI and Ummabdurrahman. They helped me over that bump. I cried my eyes out on the phone with LL&LI.........while I was in Canada I called Ummabdurrahman daily. I needed a helping hand.....and alhamdulillah......I found it. May Allah reward those sisters for what they gave to me. Ameen.

So here I am to help you, First Wife. Have you found my blog? Are you reading this? Then listen to what I have to say......

You are about to get on a rollercoaster. Look at it! There's loop de loops, there's huge dips and yes, there are even some areas like plateaus. The ride usually feels a lot longer than it actually is. And it scares the hell outta ya!

Some of my very religious friends will tell you......have faith! Be more religious! Pray longer! Praise Allah more! And that is the key to getting thru this!

Yes, sometimes it is! And then....sometimes it's not. If by becoming more focused in Allah you believe that you are able to deal with the trial put before you...then ALLAHU AKBAR! Disregard what I'm going to write after this point.............

To the FIRST WIFE, who is devastated.........

Reach out and hold my hand.

We are the same.

Lets be realistic.

This is going to be a form of hell for you that you never imagined. And I'm sure that there is some formula for this........Is your husband capable of....

-being fair?

-maintaining two families?

-helping your self esteem?

If that is true.....and you honestly believe this........then take a step forward. But if this isn't true, no matter how your husband tells you he's gonna perform some sort of miracles..........take a step back.

If your husband is unsupportive......if he's not loving........if he's not able to care for you family properly........HOW IS ANOTHER WIFE GOING TO CHANGE THAT?

If your husband does not fear Allah and pray his prayers on time.....HOW IS POLYGYNY GOING TO MAKE HIM A BETTER PERSON??

You need to be realistic.....and stop ur crying.......you need to look at this bull right between the eyes.

What do you see?

Do you see a possibility of this working? Do you think you will get used to it? If you don't.....then STOP right now!

And you tell your husband......I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to be a part of this. You want two wives? Then find another two instead of one......because there just isn't enough of you to go around. I prefer to get my rewards from Allah in a different way......thanks......but no thanks.

I wish I'd done that. But I was duped at the beginning and the deed was already done....twice actually.

What am I saying? That if you believe that you can deal with it, then give it a go..........but if you know inside your heart of hearts that this isn't going to work......then split. Save yourself the pain, save your children the upset. A divorce happens and then is over. A co wife just doesn't go away. It'll be constant in your face.

I want the best for my sisters and am tired of the abuse that brothers are dishing out to them, in the name of islam.

Islam isn't about Polygyny any more than Ramadan is about not eating food. Do you get my point?

STOP!

A good marriage deserves two dedicated parties. If your husband already lacks that dedication, another wife will make it much worse. I want my sisters to wake up........

If you are lucky enough to be about to board the rollercoaster, then you still have a choice.......