Crappy Bday to you!!!

Oh yeah. It was precious.....NOT!

It started out with a great text message from Lolly....which she mistakingly sent to hubby's cell phone....LOL! He reads it and then hands me the phone.......I think this is for you. Oh....did I mention 6:30 am? LOL!!

But did he say Happy Bday? Nope.

He leaves.....I start getting dinner together. He comes home when I'm almost done dinner and tells my oldest to tell me not to cook dinner. I send her back telling him, Mama is done dinner already. Then I go over.......what's going on???

He wants to take us all out. I'm done dinner I say. So he says.....okay fine. Then a bit later, oldest comes back.......she says.....Baba is taking you out. He says don't eat. (but I don't wanna go out with him. I know he has a meeting)

So I says.....why do you want to take me out? He say so that he can tell me Happy Bday. I didn't know u knew....I say to him.

Then I tell him....(I mean it's 5 pm now)......I just want to stay with the kids I don't want to go out. I tell him, don't be upset.......too late,.....he's upset. But I don't care.

My oldest tells me that he has a plan. It is that he wants to take us all to his meeting. We'll sit in the car for approx 45 mins. Then he'll take us out to dinner.....then we will go to the store in Cairo while he does business. That should take about 2 hours in the store......then he wants to go to his brothers house, (the one with all the girls)..we'll sit there for a couple of hours and then come home. (but most probably without him, because he usually drops us there cuz of meetings nearby)

So I'm happy I didn't go. WTH? What does any of that have to do with me?

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He comes home and falls asleep before his head hits the pillow. Yeah....who cares!

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Next day. I tell him....I'm upset with you. And I tell him that I didn't need a surprise.....(not much surprising about what he was thinking up anyways....).....and that at least he could have been kind to me. That would have been enough. He says.....not everything has to work the way you want it to. Goes on about how he has so much business.....and has a hard time working things out ...... blah blah.

So then I just tell him, I have a piece of advice for you. "when you spread yourself very thin, and try to fit people in here and there, running around, trying to make ppl happy, you don't accomplish anything but tire yourself out and leave a lot of unsatisfied people all around...."

He says to me.....in your opinion. Yes, in my opinion. And then I start to feel that we are becoming close to abrasive. We are uncomfortable. We are getting rough around the edges.....so I say to him......there's something I need from you.....and I wish you'd work on it.

What? He says....

"I want u to work on being more loving towards me, and caring." If you continue the way you are going, you allow the shaytan a wide open door to fool with my brain.....I'm constantly assaulted by feelings that you don't love me, that I'm not good enough...... If you'd put a little bit of effort in this, it would change things greatly.

He says, insha Allah.

So then I walk outta the room. Done.

Oh yeah.....I asked him......don't you see me putting effort trying to work on our marriage? He says, yes I see that. And then I say, we have a huge communication problem. He agrees. And then says he doesn't want to really talk to me.......I agree with him as well........

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I'm not willing to invest much emotion until I know what I'm dealing with.

Is Canada finished or not? Cuz the window is still open......
Is he bringing MM here? Leaving her there? Leaving her???

At some point, I need him to set things down on the table....when should that be? What do you think? He does have a ticket to go back to Canada in March......maybe I just let things roll till then ?? Or I talk before he leaves? Perhaps if I leave things till then, the answers will have come on their own? One thing for sure is....I'm not in a rush right now.....he's here and he's working on staying......right?

I think maybe what I should ask him is he planning to go back to Canada before March? Maybe if the opportunity comes up.........maybe........

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But the best about my bday? I got phone calls, text messages and presents from ppl who care. And that was precious, and brought more than one smile to my lips that day.......

Tks to everyone......and love to you all!!!