Polygyny for Dummies
Nope. It's not that simple people. There is no guide book to successful polygyny. Although it must exist. I think life just isn't the way it was over 1400 years ago. Sigh.our day and age, it's just so hard to get back to the basics. It always seems to be the women making the sacrifices. We are getting closer and closer to Allah thinking of the hereafter......and our husbands are getting closer and closer to the hell fire, thinking of the dunya.
I'm not going into an entire bunch of examples here, I just want to discuss polygyny. Is it possible to be successful?
We must first accept the fact that Islam is perfect. It is the perfect religion. It's the followers who are corrupt. Corrupt with their own ideas, their own interpretations and their own desires.
For polygyny to be practiced successfully, you have to build a strong foundation. The only way to do that is to go back to the Quran and Sunnah.....
The Quran says....
If you fear that you will not be equitable, then only one (wife) (4:3)
If you fear that you will not be equitable, then only one (wife) (4:3)
It doesn't encourage Polygyny. Rather it deters you from it. In fact it says in Surah al Nisaa .......
"Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women...." [Al-Qur’an 4:129]
This proves that Polygyny isn't a rule, but an exception.
But okay......successful tip # 1. YOU HAVE TO BE FAIR TO ALL YOUR WIVES!!
And notice this.......the ayat of quran says "marry," not kidnap, buy, dupe or seduce. Marriage in Islam is a civil contract which is not valid unless both contracting parties consent to it. No wife can be forced or "given" to a husband who is already married.
Successful tip # 2. Keep outta everyones business but YOUR HUSBAND and YOURS!
It's the only way. You dont need to know what is going on. You don't have to be the sensitive ear to all ur hubby's troubles. To each their own.........stay away from the fitna!!!
Successful tip # 3. Become more religious. Start praying more, start thinking more positive. The closer you come to Allah, the farther away you leave the Shaytan. It doesn't matter what your religion is.....I've never met a bad pious person. Find your way to Allah.......Successful tip # 4. Expect less. Or better yet. Expect NOTHING! The less you expect from an imperfect man, the less chance you have of getting hurt. You will be happy with next to nothing when you don't want anything from ur hubby.
Successful tip # 5. Don't give away the keys to your heart. DON'T!!!!! When you love deeply, you hurt deeply as well. Don't let your life be dependant on your husband. Be your own person and protect your heart to help control your mind!!
Successful tip # 6. Don't discuss your life with anyone. You have to keep it all a secret. If you share your problems, people have a way of interfering and making things worse. Better for you to keep quiet.
So basically it boils down to this. You have to be a religious, self sacrificing hermit who is only concerned about her children and her husband. You don't love and you expect nothing.........Welcome to your happy Polygynous lifestyle! I hope it works for you!
~~~~~
And although I'm probably coming across as really mean and harsh thru this post......I honestly think that these tips will work. The brothers out there have no idea what they put their entire family thru when the choose polygyny.
Believe me when I say.....
It
isn't
worth
it.
posted by Safa at 6:11 AM
29 Comments:
Tomorrow......Refocusing our lives....
7:10 AM
I agree with some of what you say here, but have problems with a cpl of areas:
Why is thinking of marrying another woman tantamount to inching closer to hell via displaying 'love for the dunya'?
If a man marries a 2nd wife, according to the Shar'iah, and does his best to be fair with time/money, etc, then Allah will reward him, no? Every time he spends on both of them he's rewarded. Every time he makes love to them he's rewarded (even if the women involved find this concept difficult to imagine). Shouldn't the Deen be about loving what Allah loves and hating what He hates?
Surely the same can be said about sisters that love their husbands soooooooooo much that they go apeshit and blow their brains out (extreme example but a real one) when they can't handle the fact he's done something that Allah has allowed, and perhaps, rewarded the man for. Isn't this also a way to the hellfire? Less extreme, is a sister that has hatred for her husband for simply mentioning the P word. I mean, WTH? Aren't these examples of women's love for the dunya - their selfish wanting to completely own their men when they may have a natural tendency to sprinkle their oats further afield? And is there a fundamental problem with wanting to sprinkle here and there?! Sprout some extra seeds... Replenish the earth...? Is it some kind of unholy desire that renders one a pervert? All of this is, of course, if he can afford to do so. I don't agree with these UB40 guys who have got three wives on benefits...
Regarding the ayah about not being able to deal fairly - isn't this to do with the heart and not the money/time/etc aspects? Otherwise this is surely a contradiction/absurdity:
"You can marry more than one if you wish... but... youuuu haftabefair. Buuuut, to be honest, I'm telling you you can NEVER be fair, so DON'T bother, otherwise.... I'll resurrect you with a seeeeeerious limp..." (Booming laughter from up on high)... I mean, C'mon people...
Seriously, I'd like to know what the early generations understood by these verses and whether or not they generally thought the latter to be a deterrent. Allah could have simply forbidden it, or abrogated the injunction if it's such an evil and obviously impractical thing.
As far as I remember, the Prophet (saw) loved Aisha more than the others, but was fair with them all. Isn't this the exemplar we're all supposed to follow?
Yes, he lived 1400 years ago, when life may have been simpler, easier, less complicated; no medical bills, no school fees, no mortgages, university costs... but if all parties agree to the marriage then why dump on them with this negativity?
I'm not getting at any sisters that have been burnt by unjust, unsympathetic brothers, but to imply that polygamy in Islam is generally bad thing (based upon your personal and somewhat unfortunate experiences)and that one should run for the hills when it rears its ugly head may be an indication that we aren't completely satisfied with the religion, or should I say particular aspects of it.
If you think it's wrong, hell, just say so, right?
Just my two penneth... don't throw the pure baby out with the dirty bathwater is all I'm urging...
9:41 AM
I too, like Gandalf had my preconceived notions about this post but you kept it real...and I love you for that!
And according to the Quran(33:50) the privilege of marrying any believing woman was only given to the prophet and not to the other believers.
"......and any believing woman who dedicates her soul to the Prophet if the Prophet wishes to wed her; - this only for thee, and not for the Believers (at large); We know what We have appointed for them as to their wives and the captives whom their right hands possess; - in order that there should be no difficulty for thee."
The rights of the believers have already been mentioned, which is to marry the female carers of the orphans (4:3).
My understanding of the Quranic rulings on polygyny.
Peace
12:32 PM
salam alaikoum
safa macha Allah you should write a book.
11:24 PM
Nice photoshop work! I am in awe of your skilz.
Can I quibble with tips 4, 5 and 6? We'll just assume that's a "yes." :)
Quibble number 1, which maybe for clarity's sake should be Quibble number 4 (to go with tip number 4) is that I'm not convinced expecting less or nothing from your spouse is very healthy, even in a situation where he is dividing his attention. I've had a lot of therapy (insert exciting *ding* noise here) and one of the things I've learned is that I cannot deny my own feelings about how I want to be treated, no matter how much I want to deny them. I'm talking about deep stuff here, not him forgetting that my birthday is on the 24th instead of the 26th or something like that. Trying to deny to myself that I feel like I've just gotten a suckerpunch to the gut only makes me cuckoo for cocoa puffs. Seriously. Sublimating your emotions makes you bonkers and - as an added bonus - generally insufferable to be around.
Well, probably not YOU, Safa, but I have definitely passed through a few insufferable stages. Some would argue they're not over.
Finally, regarding Quibble 1-4 subsection b.): call me naïve, but I still believe that people rise to their expectations. And if they choose not to, it's a reflection on their weakness of character, not mine, and I won't lower myself to relating on a baser level.
Golly, maybe I oughta change my name to Her High and Mighty-ness.
Quibble number 2-5: Ok, maybe this isn't really a Quibble but more of a terminology clarification. I think there's a big difference between loving deeply and being dependent on your husband. I love my husband profoundly, but I could leave tomorrow and float on my own. Emotionally I'd be a wreck, of course, but I am not financially dependent on him. Realistically, if a woman chooses to reproduce with a fellow, then she *is* pretty dependent while she's in the nurselog stage and the kid is larval, but there's no reason why that has to be a permanent state of affairs. I say that knowing full well that there are all sorts of cultural prohibitions against it in several cultures, but I am writing in English to people who speak English, so I generally assume we're from cultures where women have a choice to be less dependent on their husbands. Disabuse me of this notion if I'm mistaken. Please.
Subsection 2.6c of my Quibble to Tip #5 is that I think the most courageous thing we can do as human beings is love someone else, knowing full well that everyone is flawed and capable of hurting us. If you can find the ability to love again after being hurt in the first place, I think you achieve a much deeper level of understanding about the human experience and a greater sense of the profound. So I would say love deeply, but do not be dependent.
Quibble #3-6 is..."Don't discuss your life with anyone." Safa, I say this as respectfully as possible: are you SERIOUS? Or is it that you mean don't share it with people in Real Life? Because you have shared a great deal with all of us here, and I would (humbly) argue it has been important to you as you've tried to deal with this wrenching process. I'm slogging through your archives (longer than bleeding Tolstoy!) and your progress has been remarkable. You were falling apart at the seams when you started this blog, and now you are so...well, so *not* falling apart at the seams. You're cogent, you're angry at how you've been treated, and you're dealing. All of this has been discussed at length here on your blog, and I think the discussion has been pretty healthy most of the time.
Meh. Quibbles registered and duly noted, eh?
11:36 PM
I don't understand a religion that oppresses women to the extent you are going through, Safa. You are an intelligent, thoughtful person. Why should you have to live in such negative circumstances, work hard to make your family happy, and expect NOTHING in return? I'm not criticizing, but I do find it impossible to understand.
My best to you with your struggles in this life.
1:32 AM
This comment has been removed by the author.
1:59 AM
For everyone....
I wrote how I think you could live successful polygyny......I never said it's healthy or even attainable.
Bottom Line: I think that in this day and age, POLYGYNY SUCKS!! In my book, there are very few exceptions to that rule.......
I did say earlier that Islam is perfect, but the followers arent.
3:04 AM
Meherenow:
Jeez....for a man to come to you saying that "I want another wife cuz Allah says I can".....that leaves LOTS of room for discussion.
I think I'd say back...."you get another wife and I'll get a khula....u know why? Because I CAN!"
If he's talking about it too much I think I'd ask him WHY he's bringing it up....It's horrible to be suspicious.....but I"VE BEEN THERE! Don't take his easy answers....tell him to TELL U WHAT HE"S GOTTA SAY!
When my husband brought it up in thorough discussion some 3 yrs ago, he was already married to a canadian woman.....I never knew.....
3:08 AM
Dear Safa:
i haven't written for awhile but heartbroken to still find out that you are in the same endless circle. i do have a comment about this recent posting of yours, but before i make it i just want to point out that i can see why you have taken the path that you are on and hear what you are saying in regards to sacrifice, family, reward, etc. Having said that i do want to point out that i think there is alot of, perhaps, 'misguidedness' about the issue of islam and polygny here. working from the starting point that islam is perfect and that justice figures as a core foundation of the religion, then what is happening to you is clearly unjust, therefore, haram in many ways. polygyny can't be read as an available option in a vacuum. if we look at the historical premises for why polygyny was prescribed, it is clear that most of the situations for it do not apply to most men today. your husband in particular had no real reason to actually take on a second wife. and since sexual pleasure/release is not an option for the rules of polygyny within islam (unless in certain cases of disfunction) in reality it can be seen that what your husband has done is haram. Especially since this was not a situation of lesser evils (i.e. marriage vs zina), but rather a choice of his (both of yours?) own to live in a different country for materialistic reasons. at the same time, and i apologize that this is going to sound awful, but you are to blame as well. you clearly had no part in his taking on other wives, but you have continued to make it possible that he abuse you, which puts you at fault in many ways. to be clear, let me draw a parallel: in islamic jurisprudence states that while the oppressor carries the majority of the sin, the oppressed also retains some punishment for not having used his/her God given freedom. specifically, God being teh highest authority renders freedom for the oppressed. and yes, while keeping your patience and family does bring you closer to God, did you ever think that after a certain extent you too are committing religious sin by not using the priveleges and freedoms God has granted you as a woman? more broadly, how about your children? in many ways your "pacification" and over-compromise is affecting how your children see the world and their roles in teh society. for example, i am sure some of your girls don't like the idea of marriage, or are show signs of jadedness towards men, or are passive in situations that require them to be active, etc. and what about your son? when he grows up and sees what his dad has done/is doing, will he too be somehow indirectly sensitized to thinking that it is okay (afterall the dad role model is hard to break)? will he be as careless with the women in his lives as his dad has been with your? in this way, you as the victim are also at fault for not speaking out agaisnt your own victimization. i understand that this is a difficult balance to keep: teh family versus your own self justice, but there comes a point in time when compromise becomes excuse, when silence becomes oppression, when closeness to God becomes the furthest point from Him.
I put this out there as a casual observer, because Lord knows your own turmoil. but i feel that it needs to be said.....
Ever and Anon
7:19 AM
Anonymous number one @ 9.41... just curious. Are you male or female? Are you married/in a emotional relationship/been in one etc? Are you in a poly relationship/marriage?
Just trying to apply a context to your words. My thoughts on your thoughts about babies and bathwater will depend on the context that you frame.
Sadiyah
7:37 AM
This post is much better than I expected.
As for "Islam is perfect," I think most Muslims misunderstand the relevant verses in the Quran.
8:52 AM
Salaam Aleikum our amazing sister.
I was having a conversation with my husband about him taking a second wife the other day and although I think it was in jest these conversations are getting quite regular - anyway I digress!
He said "ALLAH says we can"
I said "You can with REASON"
He said "ALLAH doesn't have to have a reason"
I said "but you do!"
I think I had a point!! It shut him up anyway!
My thoughts,prayers and D'ua are with you.
XX
(PS just changed my name so you can recognize me from previous comments!)
9:33 AM
assalamu aleikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuhu,
Slavery was also never abolished, but when the early Muslims learned of the trial it was they gave them up like hotcakes!
Again, divorce is also halal, so if Allah (SWT) wanted you to stay with someone that was emotionally abusive to you, Islam would be like Christianity (divorce wasn't allowed for a LONG time in Christianity) where you would have to suck it up and stay married. My mom was Catholic and when she divorced, she broke a mortal law of Catholicism, it's all good though, because she became Muslim! Allahu Akbar!
Islam is a very fair religion.
NOTE: this is not for Safa, but in regards to certain people's attitudes:
If polygyny works for you, then good, but realize that if it is good, you don't act like you are a martyr any more than the sister who is in a monogamous relationship. Don't feel like your "bearing in patience" is any less than another sister's "bearing in patience" just because she is in a monogamous relationship and you are not.
Let's call it for what it is, some sisters in polygamous marriages act like they are following the Sharia and everyone else is not. Some feel they are being more pious than the sister who opts for divorce (when even the Prophet's daughters and his adopted son Zaid were divorced)when divorce was made allowable.
Safa never said polygyny was haram, travel around the WWW and you WILL see plenty of Muslims who do not under any circumstances support polygyny. Safa is not one of those people. She is trying to make her trials a warning for others.
I would NEVER accuse her of denying the deen of Allah! AstagfirAllah. The commenter who said that should check how serious that statement it.
Polygyny is not the norm, but the exception. In Safa's case, like in many others the second and the first wife were LIED to. THAT my dear brothers and sisters, IS haram.
Lying in Islam means that that person's word is never valid in a Islamic court of law. Look it up. Entire hadiths have been thrown away and discredited based on the reputation of a narrator in the chain of narration based on that person having lied before.
Face it, lying is serious.
Would you marry your daughter to someone who lied in order to get married to your daughter? That is a serious character flaw. That is a serious flaw in the person's deen.
Let the men be honest. Do not IMPOSE polygyny on your wife if she doesn't like it.
Let the women be protected, write it into your mariage contract. The marriag econtract is a VALID ISLAMIC documnent that has authority in Islam. Many scholars have asserted this.
And think of this, although slavery was never abolished, why did the Muslims get rid of their slaves? It wasn't haram.
It was because they were afraid of the extra accountbalilty.
Think about it.
Let's be nice.
10:24 AM
Sadiyah:
I'm in a monogamous relationship, but have been thinking about P for a while. My wife has met sisters who are in P relationships and they have conveyed a sense of satisfaction and acceptance with their state. I think this may be due to their respective husbands being fair with time/money/whatever... however this may be a front. I know that one of the families is very close (all the kids mix together and are pretty happy) and that the other family help each other out a lot and go on excursions together. Again, maybe deep inside they hate it, Allah knows best. All I was trying to say was that we shouldn't judge all P relationships by the bad stories we hear or have witnessed.
Regarding the comment above about the Propher being the only one allowed to do this, I'd like to ask whose interpretation of the Qur'an or understanding of the Seerah is this based on? If it's a major scholar of the past then please give a reference. Surely some of the Sahabah married multiple women? Why would they do so if it was clearly only for the Prophet (saw)?
I think due to our experiences, emotions, etc, we may be saying things about the Deen that are not true. We should be careful perhaps. I agree, Muslims aren't perfect.
10:44 AM
i recently read an article online(published in a major newspaper) in which mizazeez(aka polygynous blessings) and her husband are interviewed.
THey say they live in upstate new york and her husband works as a technician and got a second wife when he got a raise and the second wife agreed to support herself.
i thought of this when reading your post because many men cant really afford polygyny or be fair in terms of time. It's like woohoo i got 200 extra bucks a month so here i go starting another family. is this the sunnah? is this the way islam has planned for things to be? i think not! if you whole idea of a second wife rests on the fact that the other woman works than you cannot really do it. What happens when she gets tired of working? what happens when she sees herself busting her butt while lil miss lovely sits at home. that's not fair and it's not islamic.
while i dont agree with some of your ideas because i feel they are virtually impossible i appreciate that you are at least trying to see how it can lessen the pain of polygamy.
11:55 AM
WOW!!! safa, I can understand som of what you said. But I haev to disagree with alot also. I THINK alot of what you said comes from your experience. But what abotut he good ones.what about the onesthat are happy..they ones tthat do expect their right and get them. So to say expect nothing.......common on safa.....You know more than ANYONe what i endured. but I will go into my new marriage with good expectations. I will go in and love....love hard even.......becasue this is what I NEED...why give up on my basic needs to love and be loved by my husband....nope not going to do it...
there has to be a balance in everything....expectation, love, time,things we share,our money ect.. even in a one on one marriage. these things are important.
love you
7:45 PM
Yeah, I'm writing from my experience.....and I know that there are the ones who are successful at Polygyny. I'd like for those successful P people to write how they do it. Somehow I think it'd start by being closer to Allah........
Thanks for a great comment, Musulmana.........
LL&LI.......ur right on the balance....but u wanna know something? If I was to remarry into a P relationship I think I'd have these surviving mechanisms in place.......in fact, I know I would.
10:20 PM
Salaam Alaikum,
Sure you are writing from your experience but I suspect your experience is far more common (in general terms) than most polygyny accaepting muslims want to admit. I think we "pretty" it up becuase "we" have accepted the tafsir that works its way around surah al-nisaa so that men can justify areas of inequality in polygyny -- and we all know that it is men who have given the tafsir. As a woman reading that surah I came to a completly different conclusion -- UNTIL I read what the men WANT me to think it means.
I have no doubt that you can't find people who will btell you they are happy in polygyny. I have no doubt that for them what they get out of polygyny might seem far better than what they would have if they didn't accept it. I don't wnat to micro-manage everyone's lives so let them have it -- even if it means the wives work to support the husband being able to have more than one wife.
Where I start to have problems is when these people (usually men -- but sometimes their wives) promote polygyny as some kind of super-piety that they will twist into knots to justify. And frankly, I think we women start justifying because we have either fallen for the man before we find out he is "really married" or we fear being alone so are willing to settle for polygyny when we think we won't find a single man tyo marry.
Salaam,
PM
3:05 AM
salam alaikoum
Am I the only one who read the tips in this post, esp numbers 4 and 5, as slightly sarcastic? like safa was using sarcasm as a writing tool to say, "look p is just not a good idea, it's not going to happen, look what the woman has to do to keep the peace"? I feel like some of the people took it literally.
Oh and Musulmana, right on with the "I would NEVER accuse her of denying the deen of Allah! AstagfirAllah. The commenter who said that should check how serious that statement it." Preach.
6:39 AM
Isn't it funny how the brothers always claim that they know of other brothers in "good" polygynous marriages and we sisters are always bombarded with other sisters saying how miserable their life is? A whole lot of Muslims are lying.
LLLI - where are the good ones? Please, show us the sisters and her children also who are safe, reasonably comfortable, and receiving their rights to fair maintenance and time? We had many examples 1400 years ago, where are these examples today?
UmmAbdurrahman, I read that article too. May Allah save us.
8:31 AM
Salamu alaykum,
I agree with Musleema that brothers are too overly optimistic when describing their polygamous lives. I know my husband always tells me oh his friends wives are happy they are all riding in the same car together and its oh joy you know. They want to make you feel like you are not up to it. So everything is idealized by them and there is no reality in it. I'm sure if I were to speak to these wives it would be a totally different story.
Safa good job with the pictures. I sent my zoge the pic of the book cover you did and he has no sense of humor. "So the prophet is selfish" I say, it doesn't say that but it says men who want more than 1 wife are selfish! Duh - anyway. The prophet's wives benefitted more of course as they are now guaranteed jannah - what more could you want and then of course his character was not as the men of today. When Aisha broke the dish of her cowife did he go off and berate her like some of these men today would do, no he handled it calmly and smoothly.
1:09 PM
Salaam Alaikum,
Musulmana - I love, love what you wrote, especially the part about lying as it is a sin I am trying to eradicate in myself.
Please get a blog as I would love to read more of anything you have to write.
Safa - this post is awesome. Masha Allah, you are such a strong woman, may Allah swt ease your troubles.
1:17 PM
To Anonymous 10:44 AM
"Regarding the comment above about the Propher being the only one allowed to do this, I'd like to ask whose interpretation of the Qur'an or understanding of the Seerah is this based on? If it's a major scholar of the past then please give a reference. Surely some of the Sahabah married multiple women? Why would they do so if it was clearly only for the Prophet (saw)?"
It's the words written in the Quran itself, my friend. Do you need a scholar to understand what the Quran is saying? Is the Quran not enough for you? Perhaps I can get different translations to help you come to your own conclusion.
So as not to flood Safa's comment box with my rants, please visit my blog.
1:38 PM
PEOPLE KEEP IT STRAIGHT, SOMEONE IS IN NEED OF A SERIOUS ADVICE HERE.
THE QUESTION IS WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU HAD LEFT SCHOOL TO TAKE CARE OF THE CHILDREN AND WORK HARD WITH YOUR HUSBAND TO BUILD A SUCCESSFUL COMPANY FOR 11YRS ONLY FOR TO TAKE A 2ND WIFE AND SPENT THAT MONEY ON HER? WHAT WOULD YOU DO. I HAVE ATTEMPTED KILLING MYSELF TWICE, WHERE DO I START FROM NOW.
HURU
2:56 AM
Huru,
In your despair, you have probably already looked into every avenue for a solution. I will still add my two bits.
There are definately two major components to how many women in your situation feel.
1) The loss of him and a lover/husband.
2) The feeling of being taken advantage of.
For the first component, it is between you and your interpretation of religion. It is also between you and your emotional preparedness for acts of physical and emotional betrayal TO YOU.
I take a very dim view of it for myself. For me, the physical act of having to share body parts and body fluids in any manner with a third person in a relationship is repugnant. Because hey folks... getting down to brass tacks that is what happens. For those who say marriage is more than sex, let me remind you that sex happens, there is no turning away from it. Face it, a man is putting his penis into more than just you.
The sharing of his emotional energy is an even worse betrayal for me. I would not allow MY DUE (yes, in a marriage it is your due) to be further divided up.
To deal with the loss of him as lover/husband, a counseller is probably the best person to turn to. To anyone who has attempted suicide or thinking of it... GET THEE TO A QUALIFIED SUPPORT SYSTEM IMMEDIATELY(by that I mean someone with CERTIFIED TRAINING AND ACCOUNTABLE TO THE LAW, not shieks, not well meaning friends, not "pious" folks)... and then you can get thee to a nunnery for a while until you have centered yourself for a bit.
For the loss of your husband as a father, the same applies. Emotional energy that is THE KIDS DUE being further divided up is NOT ACCEPTABLE to me.
For the second major component.. being taken advantage of. Ah, I have much to say. Take the man through a legal minefield. Get a forensic accountant. Sue the pants of him. There are many... oh so many... legal traps for him. Take him for every asset that you can get. Get him punitive action. I do not know where you reside, but I will remind folks that the law in this country takes a very dim view of bigamy and breach of promise of any kind. If either is proved (if the second marriage is just religious) the state will be all over him, like a cheap suit. The legals means and the legal teams (often low cost or even free) are out there, to get redress. Find the resources and go after legal redress with single minded devotion. That does more for emotional healing than is given credit for. Show you have more brains, and courage than him, and that will be your revenge. A sweet revenge it is for being taken advantage of. Once you have got that, emotionally you will shed him very naturally like a snake does a too-tight skin.
I know of the legal redress of which I speak. It is a long road, but in the final analysis it is for yourself.
About what the Prophet did or did not do, I have no comment. I have no comment on any religious ideologies. I only have comments for the aftermath of what the former may bring to your life.
I live my life, here and today. I know I will do what is best for me here and today.
Sadiyah
7:33 AM
1. Sahih Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 62, Number 157:
Narrated Al-Miswar bin Makhrama:
I heard Allah’s Apostle who was on the pulpit, saying, “Banu Hisham bin Al-Mughira have requested me to allow them to marry their daughter to Ali bin Abu Talib, but I don’t give permission, and will not give permission unless ‘Ali bin Abi Talib divorces my daughter in order to marry their daughter, because Fatima is a part of my body, and I hate what she hates to see, and what hurts her, hurts me.”
10:13 PM
Huru,
do you have any children? Is he providing for you and the kids?
Dear sister, i would urge you to pray istikhara like never before. And place your trust in Allah. He is the most just.
My dua's are with you.
Ya Rab, give the muslims strength to see through their trials. Reward every effort, pain felt and tears that have fallen, many many fold. Replace all anger and hurt with tranquility and Your beautifull blessings.
9:08 AM
Thank you, I am in Nigeria and i have four wonderful children.
He is providing, but it has been a waste of time and energy (if you know what i mean). My dreams and aspirations was kept on hold for him and what did he reward me with A 2ND WIFE.
The empirical truth is that i feel used, cheated, abused emotionally and began to battle with a low self-esteem.
3:31 AM
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