and then......
.....it continues. Still working on the little something. I though it would be resolved on Friday, but alas....it appears that'll continue until Monday. No problem. I can't wait to tell.
MM is texting with a vengeance now. Daily. Yes, that's what I get for asking her to stop. Sigh. Her messages are interesting....the ones he forgets to delete, I mean....
"I don't have to understand. It's not my right to understand what you do"
"Take care of yourself. Don't sacrifice your health for anything"
"Je t'aime Habibee"
Whatever.
Hubby is trying to get tickets to leave before Ramadan. He'll be back by Eid, insha Allah. I'm expecting him to finish up all there. And am THISCLOSE to actually approaching him about it a second time. The one time we had a discussion about things he said..."I'm going to do my part."
The villa is full of workers....working vigorously to have it ready in time for Eid al Adha. We've got the plumber, carpenter, electrician and builder all there. Alhamdulillah.
I really liked many of my comments in the last post. Masha Allah!! I sat thinking about them for quite a while. Thanks to all who had their say over there.....
posted by Safa at 11:39 PM
1 Comments:
Salaam Alaikum dear,
In all honesty I have NEVER known a man who has indicated he is involved in polygyny for rewards. Sure they may bring that up as an added benefit but everyone knows it is because they want to be married to more than one woman; ie., they are attracted to and/or love more than one woman. They will almost always give the excuse that they are no longer fully satisfied with their wife but for one reason or another, they don't want to divorce. So they marry another, khalas.
I am sure it is painful recognition to accept this. And that, too, is a HUGE part of polygyny: PAIN. For everyone concerned. The irony is that it really brings a lot fo pain into the man's life, too. Do you think your husband is happy now Safa? He's got you coming at him from one side; his children, siblings and MM from others. Maybe he is not placing his unhappiness at such a premium that he will call an end to it and divorce MM and return to being a monogamous husband to you. But surely he cannot be happy. Allahu alim.
My husband is miserable. He tells me this all the time. But it isn't in his heart to make the hard choices and give up one of us. Know, he spends his time convincing himself that polygyny is his right and if we all pplayed along the "right" way it would be just fine.... for HIM, that is.
Polygynous men are all about themselves. They choose their own desires and egos over everyone else's. This is the man you are fighting to take back from another woman he wants/wanted enough to marry. Do you really think he is worth it and will not continue to disappont you? I have long advised you to come to terms with the reality of this man and polygyny. I "colorfully" refered to it as "staying off the pot". But I see you are still taking the path of competing with MM to win your husband away and I think as long as you do that -- with everything you have learned about his feelings -- you are going to stay in this negative place in your life.
I am letting my husband's first wife "win". She can have him every night and enjoy the knowledge that she is spending all his money so he neglects me. He will face the majority of God's wrath, I imagine, but I expect she will bear some responsibility for her role in the way she fought him to "win" him back and drive me away. And the most ironic part of all is that I doubt either one of them will be happy with each other.
But this is what they chose. They chose to engage in polygyny as a power struggle between two women and one man. Al hamdulillah, I didn't.
Safa, I pray that you are thinking long and hard about the situation you are trying to force. Is it worth the cost?
Love you,
PM
5:51 AM
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