she's going nuts.....

I forgot to tell you....when he went to her house on the 4th day....as we lie in bed the night before....I asked my hubby if I could advise him as a muslim sister and not as his wife. So he says, please go ahead. So I begin by saying....that although he owes me close to 3 months.....that I find it unfair of him to be in the same city as my cowife and not go and see her. It's unreasonable of him to do that, especially if she's not agreeing to it. I asked him how she feels about the time he's spending with us...?? He said she's going nuts. OK, then. I told him.....that the decision that he took to spend 4 mos with her and only 1 month with me, wasn't her fault. And for him to tell her now....I'm staying with my family, even though ur right in front of my face was cruel. And that maybe if he reasoned with her, about lost time on my part, the fact that it's only a short visit...that if she could see it in her heart to pretend that he had 4 wives and he'll see her every 4th night, would be a bit more reasonable. Friends...I cannot tell you how I managed to talk to my husband so openly, so lovingly.....without breaking down. I was not telling him that I don't want him and I don't love him. In fact, I was telling him just how much I did love him, cuz I wanted whats best for him. That I feared the punishment of Allah, and was advising him.

The look in my hubby's eyes when we were talking...was full of love, respect and admiration. I think I just melt when I think of that look. He went to her the next night, which I wrote about....you guys know how hard it was for me, but I fought the urge to let things just go.......when he asked me the next day why I was taking it so hard when I was the one who advised him....I told him.....I chose my deen. My deen is something, and my feelings are something else. It's the truth. It's what picks me up when I'm about to fall down.

So anyways....

After chuckee cheese, we dropped the kids off at home and hubby took me for a walk....and opened up. He talked and talked and talked. I felt so good. I so badly need to hear things from him. I didn't comment, and didn't question.....I know when I question him, he gets defensive....and then that'll be the end of the conversation....so I just gently prodded him along with little things to keep him rambling. SubhanAllah. It takes so much effort to hold back.....in honesty, I felt like jumping on his back and yelling,

"YOU STUPID, STUPID MAN!! HOW CAN YOU STAND THERE AND HAVE A FIT OF VERBAL DIARRHEA???"

But hey......self control, my lovelies....


So he went on about how she's being very insecure....how she's asking sheikh's left and right questions...basically, she can't handle the fact that we are here. Or as hubby puts it...can't handle herself. So what does that leave me with?

Now he had an interview at the police station the next night, about the beating....and I went with him...and we went for another late night walk. It was great. He opened up again....and we really had the chance to bond in a way that hasn't happened in a while. He told me that someone asked him what his "mission" was with wife # 2. And he says, he told the person, I want to help her get her kids back from her ex husband. (cuz she's fighting him in court) So the person asks hubby, ok and then what? So hubby says...well, then that's it. My part in it is over. And the person asked him for clarification and he said, well, then I'll divorce her.

So I'm listening to him tell me this....and again, I didn't jump all over it. I wanted to.....but I can't let myself look that desperate, u know? So that's on my list of Q's.

Now the 2nd time he went to MM's house....my 11yr old broke down for the first time. She's always been standing up for her father and loves him so very much. The minute she left, she came running to me and sobbed her heart into my shoulders....I cried with her and didn't know how to handle this. She's been sticking up for him, standing by him...u name it.....never once allowing herself to say anything about the situation at all....and here she is sobbing into my shoulder. What should I do? I held her and subhanALLAH...after she finished crying, I tried to talk to her and u know what??? She wouldn't say a word. SubhanAllah.

So he was with her on Thurs night and that means he should go back on Monday night. But monday we are plannning a day out so Hubby and I were discussing him going on Sun night. I'm sort of reluctant towards that, cuz I know that I lose a day....she won't give it back. Rather I don't expect her to be that selfless. And I don't wanna lose a day. DARN!

So then, surprise surprise....this morning hubby tells me to go on over and spend the night at moms' on Sunday night cuz he'll spend Sun night with MM. And I'm stunned....I says...but I don't wanna lose a day. And he's like I already told her. SHIT! So what does that mean? We planned Monday to go to Marineland....so now if I stay at moms Sun and sleep over...I still ain't coming home early enough to go to Marineland......so now I lose a day....AND I lose the trip???? I gotta talk to him about that again. It's starting to piss me off.

So buddies....I wanna tell you that with all that has been going on....I have found depths of my soul that I didn't know existed. I have been an example to my children.....and have pleased my husband. I've decided that I absolutely will not forgive hubby the time he owes me. When I was reading the comment box, I liked very much what I read about men not really appreciating it and therefore encouraging them to do it again.

But here's what I'm faced with.......I'm thinking I'm not gonna leave. I know....WHOA! But there's so much stuff going on here......It ain't gonna work. I have no guarantee that hubby can travel anytime soon. He keeps saying he's packing up and coming home to Egypt.....but the way I see things.....if he does it in 6 months, I'll be amazed. What better way to make him hurry up than if I stay? And then there's MM, who's trying to sink in her claws. Even tho hubby told her he doesn't want kids, she's been on 3 different kinds of BC....and supposedly she's been asking about that as well. So, I see that he needs us here. Waiting patiently in Egypt, ain't gonna do it for me......so let me know what ya'll think. I have no idea how I'm going to put this to him.....but I know he's gonna flip.