Hubby went to her place.....
So he went there for the night....I was at his work with him.....and he drove me home......he wanted me to talk...but I was fearing Allah, and truly didn't want to upset him on the way to her house....so I told him....Don't worry, Habibee...we'll talk tomorrow.......with all my strength of being, and my love for my religion, for my husband....I leaned over and kissed him on the lips and told him....Salaam alaikum, Habibee....see you tomorrow. My eyes were dry. Then I got outta the car, and walked, head up towards the building....unwilling for him to see me slouch, unwilling to cry.....DAMN!! The door was locked! So he had to get outta the car and come unlock the bldg front door for me....I stood there, almost shaking with the pain of holding in this tidal wave of emotion......and then he says after he opens the door....Can I have one more kiss?? I told him...Of course...and kissed him again. I think it's the first time in years for me to ever kiss him in public. But I did it....and I made it up the stairs...dry eyes......flopped on the bed and cried my eyes out. The kids crying with me....all of us bonding together in our pain. I hate polygyny. Or rather....I hate Polygyny gone BAD. I'm sure he felt like shit...he shoulda felt like shit.......but I was determined to be the better in this game.......I passed the night somehow......my first night in an empty bed, knowing hubby is just down the street and around the corner. It sucks.
**Thank God she didn't send him home with any hickies!!!
*I just learned that my hubby got savagely attacked by an unknown person on Friday, Aug 11th. Remember we were supposed to leave on the Thurs? This person beat the hell outta him with a baseball bat....when we came, he had two black eyes...but said he fell down the stairs...he thinks the ex husband may have set it up......
**took the kids to the mall....and noticed a strange man with a couple of kids approaching us....He starts saying....Are you Madame Safa? Are you Safa?? And I'm like....OMG....who the hell is this?? It was Morrocan Magics Ex hubby. He starts saying to me....I wanna talk to you...I just wanna talk to you....I ignore him and gather the kids close to me and start walking away from him....he follows me and starts yelling....HASBEE ALLAH WA NA'AMEN WAKEEL.....over and over.....I yell at him....I didn't do anything to you, why are you telling me this?? Then he says..."What ur husband has done to my kids, I will do to his kids." I call 911.
**he takes off....and 911 sends me a security guard to escort me outta the mall.....I see him peeking around the corner at me.....but they never get a hold of him.....we go to the police station to report the threat. The Lady officer takes it all down and then goes and talks to him......he tells her, he just wanted to talk to me...but denies the threat....
Oh Hell....I have so much more to tell you guys......but the library is gonna cut me off.....I'll be back tomorrow.....
posted by Safa at 3:07 PM
12 Comments:
So glad to hear from you. I wish things were better for you. Maybe you should tell your mom what's going on. I know that she will flip, but eventually she will stand in your corner in a fair way. Having your mother on your side is the best.
6:17 PM
Salamu alaykum Dear Safa,
Verily with every difficulty there is relief. I feel honored to be one of the first to post on your blog after your hiatus. Welcome back - I missed you and am sad to hear that you've been going through a lot of stress in Canada. The cowife sounds like a right terror! I hope I was never like that to mine subhanallah. The outdated pregnancy test in the cabinet is over the tooopppp!!! What kind of message is she sending except that she is desperate to get pregnant but Allah is not blessing her eggs right now as nothing is happening.
I don't think she has the right motive right now it seems. May Allah make it easy for you.
6:19 PM
OMG what does he want to do to your kids....that makes no sense unless he is hot for you but hey who wouldn't be right? Do you just want to come here and spend the rest of the trip with me??? It would be fun...the girls could play and get thier jelly beans which reminds me....I need the address so I can send the Harry Potter jelly beans...
8:16 PM
Subhannallah Safa I had no idea that when you came to my blog ages ago you were going through all this. Wow man. I just read all of this page of your blog sans comments and G wiz that is a lot to fathom. I can understand your pain, my wife on the other hand would vamp on me. I know this. I don't think I could marry any one behind her back. I wouldn't want to. Peaceful Coexistence is paramount for any thriving relationship. From what you've said it seems like MM is cheesy and shallow. Maybe you should go down to the red light district and brush up on some .... tricks and knock your hubbies socks off so she won't have anything to say. Just send him home tired all the time with a smile on his face.
I don't know how I would handle a long separation like that though I mean he was gone for years, I mean how long was it before he became weak? I think he sounds like a good man though I hope it all works out. Goodness.
I wish you all the best for you and your family and enjoy your stay in Canada Wherever you are. What town are you in so I'll know when you check out my site?
I don't agree with Musulmana by the way in some of the stuff she said. You love your husband and he loves you he has just added through the blackhole of lust an extra package to your union. If it is real then it will smooth out and stay, if it is fake then it will make a lot of noise and fade away. Remain steadfast. It is going to be ok. I agree with Musulmana that starting a relationship on the wrong side of being blessed from the start is wrong (which is probably why everything your husband touched turned to crap).
You have my prayers.
Muhammad.
10:47 PM
Asalamalaykom,
I completely get what you're saying. Polygyny gone bad. Yep. That's what it is here too! I'm not knocking everybody, but in our case(s), it sucks.
I just read the comment from Musulmana, and I totally respect where she's coming from BUT she's not you. I don't think you know enough information to see the next step. I wouldn't recommend you make any move until it becomes obvious.
And telling mom...my mom's heart aches for me. And her comments aren't always helpful. I'm not sure if telling her was really the best. I wish in many ways I hadn't told her.
Do what's best for you when the time is right to do it. You'll know when it feels right in your gut. Trust your instincts for everything now and always.
10:53 PM
salam alaikoum
So glad to hear from you. I echo what Musulmana says, Umm Abdurrahman loves you and I love Umm Abdurrahman.
Astarghfiruallah, but a pregnancy test? In the cupboard?
1:29 AM
Salam Alaykum Safa
So glad to hear you arrived safely!
I want to say a lot of things to you... but it's better that i don't.. Or i'll get carried away. I'll just say that i totally agree with the comment Musulmana left you. You are such a beautiful soul, it really tears at my heart to see you being mistreated and abused all the time. :\ It just never stops, does it. It's always something new, some new indignity, some new creative way to try to humiliate you. Pregnancy test in the cupboard? That's beyond trashy. That's just putrid. Heh. I wish you'd put on some fierce steel-toed boots and kick everyone [several times] square in the arse, where they deserve it. Figuratively speaking, of course ;) Take care of yourself, sweetie... I wish you'd be staying a long time. Doesn't it feel great to be back home? I'd advise you to definitely talk to your mom, but you know better about that. Your mom will be your ally no matter what, through everything. She would never betray you.
Lots of love and dua.
1:38 AM
ASA
You aren't miserable enough. When you reach that point you will leave. You simply aren't at the bottom of the barrel yet, and for some people it seems like the barrel never had a bottom to begin with.
I have never heard any scholor say it was ok for a man to even marry his girlfriend. Every time I hear about a man asking can he marry his girlfriend the learn person says that the relationship started off Haram and so marring her won't make it Halal. This man has made it worst by conveting another mans wife. This is agaisnt the 10 commandments and I don't know what learned person would say his actions are Halal. Like the brother said.. at this point everything he touches turns to crap and all who try to justify his actions recieve some of this crap on their hands and shoes.
It's funky up in this place. When will someone wash this crap off thier shoes?
Waiting until it gets up to the waist perhaps?
Allah uAlim
8:43 AM
Lots of hugs for all that you are going through.
1:12 PM
Salaam Alaikum Sis,
After the pee-stick with the cookies I thought nothing could shock me but the wacko ex stalking you and your kids is unbelievable. It is all adding up to such a mess he has created that I am not sure he can ever reconcile all these parts of his life -- the good (you & your kids), the bad (MM) and the ugly (whack ex).
I think you are all dealing with something that can be potentially lethal and your husband holds the key. He created this mess and he needs to clean it up.
And btw, Muhammad, Safa doesn't need to brush up on any tricks to put a smile on her hubby's face. I can guarantee you this is not about her and it is not about lack of sexual fulfillment. Polygyny is about so much more and any man who doesn't get that is sure to make a mess of it.
PM
2:05 PM
assalaamu ^alayki wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. my dear beloved safa. alhamdulillah i am so happy to read of your safe arrival although it seems that your time thus far in Canada has been anything but pleasant. honestly i am at a loss for words. i wish you were my co-wife and then i would treat you with so much love and respect and make up for all the garbage that your co-wife has thrown in the polygyny pot. i know i have never said this before to you, but i do believe that you deserve better. i'm worried about your safety and the safety of your children. i just want what is best for you. only Allah subhanahu wa ta^ala truly knows what that is but i pray that whatever it is it comes with less fitnah and heart-ache, and more love and respect. but most of all, i pray that it comes with a foundation and adherence to the Qur'aan and Sunnah. when you have that, nothing can go wrong.
i love you habeebtee very much. hang in there and know that you have tons of people making duaa for you.
salaams,
aneesa
2:31 PM
As-salaamu Alaykum, sweet pea; it's me again. I am making dua right now for you and your family and will continue to insha-Allah.
This seems to be getting way outta of control, May Allah keep you and the family safe and rectify your husbands affairs, AAMEEN.
5:37 AM
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