finally, some peace of mind.....

It's now 9 pm here in Egypt.....everything is ready, already at the door. Alhamdulillah.....all is done. The excitement of the kids is hanging in the air....I'm even excited....subhanALLAH. I think that today was the first time in months for me to talk to Hubby and actually be laughing......you don't realize how much you miss laughing until you stop doing it. Did I ever mean to stop? Or did I find out suddenly that the world wasn't funny anymore??

Well, it doesn't matter now. It seems I've rediscovered it again.

Seems like Hubby talked to BIL yesterday and told him he's having a difficult time with wife # 2. I keep thinking how much this polygyny thingy binds us, u know? It seems that all my immediate friends and their co wives, haven't entered into Polygyny in the best way......rather they've entered it with some deceit, some lying......betrayal. SubhanALLAH.....

And if my co wife is on her way out the door.....that yet again makes me in the same situation as one of my other friends. SubhanALLAH.....

However much you think you are alone, think you are the only one with this particular problem.....u aren't. We are all in this together....a group of friends.....learning daily.......gathering together to learn, searching for advice, wishing for that evasive MAGIC PILL. Oh if only it were so easy..........

I'm happy that we're going for a visit........I need to see my mom....and see my hubby in Canada. Find out what's going on.....see the state of things. It will ease my mind, insha ALLAH.

Am I ready to forgive hubby?

Hmmmmmm........

I am treading softly by the doorstep of forgiveness. But it will not be given until he comes back to Egypt and accepts his responsibilities here. As long as he continues in Canada, I'll feel insecure..........I just want to go there and love him. Love him like some sisters do naturally.......how I used to......when I couldn't get enough of him. When I felt that I was the greatest thing on earth, created for him..........he used to leave and go back to Canada and I'd wear his pyjamas for 2 days later, not being able to have my fill of the scent of him. Those were the days. I want them back. I want to fight for them. I want to remember. I want to be his only............

I was reading the 3 states of rejecting evil....

- with your hands
-with your tongue
-with ur heart (and that being the lowest form)

SubhanAllah. I have been at my lowest.......May Allah give us all the strength to continue when we don't want to anymore......ameen.

So my dears.....if I have time, I may pop in tomorrow morning before bidding farewell.....please keep me in your dua's.......

I love you all......

Safa