sometimes you just have to say Alhamdulillah.....

I was awake until after 1 am yesterday....just couldn't sleep......I had the TV on and was watching the new Islamic satellite channel called "An-nass".....it's so good. It was fatwa hour, so you call in with your question....I tried to get thru.....I'm so curious about the "keeping the 2nd marriage a secret" thingy.......

I came to a conclusion about something last night watching that channel. It's in arabic, you know.......and after 16 yrs of marriage to an egyptian....We've lived in Egypt 1 yr before...went back to Canada...and then I came on my own.....so it's been a total of 6 yrs in Egypt for me. After my year in Egypt, I started speaking a little arabic....not much......it was a constant trying to translate what people said to me in arabic to english...and then to answer them, translate my thoughts from english to arabic. It was difficult, I made many errors....sucked at the grammer....but managed to do it for a year and scrape by. I craved conversation where I could express myself fully and not with only baby talk and still seem like a retard. But alhamdulillah, I managed. This year was the key to the beginning of my learning arabic......it gave me a foundation.

So now fast forward to the last 5 yrs........my grammar is great, my accent is pretty good, I understand perfectly, I don't do that weird translating thing anymore, I'm reading fluently, (even if slowly, but still I read in arabic faster than hubby)......i can honestly say.......I speak arabic.

Alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah.

I still have some hangups.....when the shaikhs at the friday prayer speak in classical arabic, I'm stumped....and when the shaikhs start raising their voices in the passionate arabic way...I find it hard to concentrate on them. But I've found this Shaikh....his name is Mohammed Hussain Yaqoub. Masha Allah. I have learned so much from him. He has millions of tapes, very prolific......and his style of speaking is very expressive. Just recently he was on channel An-nass. My first time to see what he looks like....masha ALLAH, he's an old man. I had no idea. And he was very amusing to see giving the lesson than just listening to the tape. I enjoyed it immensely.

So why am I writing all this?

Well, I remember when years ago, I first converted to islam....as the shaikh was asking me to recite the shahadah....I couldn't do it. My tongue could not wrap around those words and pronounce them.....the language was so strange, so foreign. He had to say it bit by bit for me....

ASH....HADUANNA.....LA......ILLAHA.....ILLA.....ALLAH.....WA.....ASH.
...HADUANNA.......MOHAMEDDUR......RASUL......ALLAH.

I remember standing for Taraweeh prayer my first Ramadan.......(I wasn't married yet)......and everyone standing there was crying....including the imam.....and I felt....stupid. What was the shaikh saying that had moved everyone moved to tears and yet, I remain so uneffected???? Why can't I feel my heart be moved like that???

I wanted more than anything at that moment to be able to speak arabic....to understand....to be moved by this most beautiful language......not just to say Quran as I was praying....and it just being a bunch of syllables rolling off my tongue....but MEAN something. Ya Allah!! I asked Allah to send me a husband who was arabic speaking to teach me this.

I got that.....alhamdulillah. And whatever happens in my life from this moment on.......I shall never regret my decision to come to Egypt......for me...speaking arabic....for my kids...speaking arabic. For supplying this foundation to my children that is so important in our deen. Alhamdulillah.

I have been given a gift.....and I am thankful.