Deed done and disappointment....

SubhanAllah......you all did so great with the advice.......I listened to you all.....

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I made it to the friends house 30 mins early. When I rang the doorbell, the friends husband answered the door and whisked me into the kitchen. It was strange, but I let it go. I sat there talking to his wife for about 15 mins and then she asks me if I'm ready to go and talk to Hubbex. Hubbex? I ask......what? Is he here already? She's surprised.....yeah, he arrived before me....that's why her husband whisked me into the kitchen first. ?? Yeah, silly, I know.

Anyways....I walk into the livingroom and say salaam to everyone....I politely offer Hubbex my hand to shake. (I swear the man should have kissed it, but perhaps that was aiming high!) Anyways...he shakes my hand and I sit down. The friends husband says to us a bunch of stuff and then makes his leave.

I am alone with Hubbex. While I start to decide how to start........Hubbex takes the ball. I let him. He talks a bit and then asks me what I have specifically come to talk about.....I say to him.......Custody, Visitation and Support. And the 13 yr old.

I want custody. He says to me, if you can convince me with good reasons why I should sign custody over to you, I will do it. And tries to put me on the defensive. At first I flounder and he deflects my arguments. Then I just take a deep breath and I say to him....looking in his eyes.....

"LOOK. I want custody and I'm not going to sit here and play judge and jury. Either we do this the easy way or the hard way. First, take this.....(I hand him the paperwork)........he takes it.....and I say to him that inside are court papers.....these can be cancelled if he agrees to work with me. "

He talks a bit......and says that he knew the papers have already been filed because his lawyer found them in the system. He talks about how he knows how to work with the law and that if he had a mind to it, he may fight me for them. But because he loves his kids so much, he won't. So he told me to have papers drawn up by my lawyer and he'll sign.

I agreed that he can have full access to the kids. And I demanded support. I found out a bit of a surprise there. He will pay table amount for support.......but is not able to at this moment......

......because he is starting a new business here in Canada. ??? WHAT???

Okay....wow. So he is handling himself quite well, smoking cigarette after cigarette....(that's new)........

Let's talk about the 13 yr old.

I ask him what's going on. He says nothing. So then I tell him what the 13 yr old has been telling me......

-she's going to Egypt next week with him
-they are going to live together in Egypt for awhile
-she's coming back in Sept to stay with us

Are you ready for the shocker? He says to me......we never agreed on this. What?? I tell him....she says you are leaving next week. He says he's about to start a new business and he's not leaving. But if the 13 yr old wants to go to Egypt, he will send her.

Send her? What does this mean? You mean you won't be going with her? No he won't. Well, she cant be sent to Egypt to be on her own.......and then he says......well that will be your call now, won't it? (grrrrrr)

So then I tell him that she also says that she is planning to live with him. What can he say about that? He says, I am not taking her to live with me. I have nowhere for her.

I sit quietly for a time, thinking. My 13 yr old will be crushed. No......it will be worse. Devastated. I ask him to repeat himself again.....and he says....

I'm not going to Egypt. If she wants to go, I will send her alone. She cannot live with me in Canada.

OMG. Now, mind you.....I"m happy. I want my daughter with me. But I just never, ever expected that the hubbex would destroy her like this. So last night with a happy smile, my 13 yr old asks me what happened. And I can see in her eyes the dreams of going back to Egypt, to her friends and some of her cousins.......and I tell her that she needs to talk to her father. I tell her that he's not going to Egypt right now. I see the shock in her eyes.....and then blankness. She goes quietly to her room. I check in on her later, and she's colouring. I will take a picture of this piece of art when she's not around.....

There's more to tell.....

So this morning I get the kids up early.....Mom makes pancakes which makes every day look better. We all have a good breakfast and then we get the bikes out of the garage.......some of the kids start riding.....and I take the 13 yr old to talk.......

She breaks down. She doesn't fit in anywhere, not at home, or at school....and now her father doesn't want her. We talk for a long time.....both crying off and on......

Then I get brave and tell her that I'm not sad for her. I say to her...."Honey, there is a difference between good and great. And as long as you've been alive, I've always known that you are going to be great. The road to greatness is harder than most, and I'm sorry that you have to experience those bumps at such a young age........but I'm so excited for the day when I will get my chance to root for you....I'll be the happiest cheerleader you know when I get to yell out your name....and I will......you are so strong and tough.......Honey....(I look in her eyes...)....I think you are great.)

Then we cried so more......and hugged and laughed......and at this very moment.....things look good with her. It's like she's really willing to give things a try right now.......Alhamdulillah.......

More later.....