Tossing and turning.....
So much is going thru my mind. And try as I might....last night I couldn't make it stop.....my brain was jumping from this thing to that thing.......he said this.....then I said that....over and over..........
Tossing and turning.........
Did I sleep? Perhaps I had some moments of unconsciousness where pure exhaustion allowed my body time to rest.....but my mind was active......and I know that I had spurts of dreams that made absolutely NO SENSE.......and were hardly complete dreams.....I just spent most of the night.......
Tossing and turning..........
I remember something about cockroaches running around a drain......and I was desperately trying to smack them all. Oh yeah......great dream. And then there was something about a glass elevator. Instead of hitting the 2nd floor, I pushed floor 137. OOPS! I covered my eyes on the way up, worried that the elevator would crash back down.....I don't know what happened tho, becuz I was so busy..........
Tossing and turning..........
The baby woke up at one point....wanting to nurse. The closeness of him brought me comfort. And I may have slept fitfully for a time. But then I started getting text messages....."U CLOSED UR BLOG??" At least it offered a slight interruption to my......
Tossing and turning...........
But what could I do? Hubby asked me many questions......and I don't want him to find me online. I don't want him to read my innermost thoughts. I don't trust him anymore. I don't even KNOW him anymore. How could he just throw away our family like this? I would have held on to him for the sake of the kids....if he could just treat me respectfully. My mind wanders to the last phone call with his wife laughing playfully in the background. Oh, I'm doomed to spend this night......
Tossing and turning.......
posted by Safa at 11:41 PM
5 Comments:
Wow! You can't get a break, can you?
I am so proud of you for doing what is needed for you and the babies...this is so good. Just know that nothing worth anything ever came easy. So whereas the next few months (?) might be tough...it will be worth it. Inshallah.
Hang in there!
1:19 AM
Salaams Safa: Yes, hang in there dear. Say dua to Allah (swt) to help you. He will; He promises us that He listens and answers dua.
You are almost there, Safa!
4:20 AM
Salaam;
I hope you find peace soon, insha'Allah! When I'm tossing and turning, when my stomach is a roiling sea of nerves, it always helps if I remember to say dhikr and make dua. Even if the feelings of restlessness or worry don't completely pass, they are definitely eased. And the effort of concentrating on dhikr always seems to help in getting my mind off whatever it is I can't seem to stop thinking about.
You have my love and du'as.
~b.
8:44 AM
awww honey, inshAllah it will all be better soon.
7:47 AM
Hope you get more sleep tonight Safa, Funny thing when I read you calling him "Hubby" it seems like an affectionate word, but I know it stems from habit!
9:29 AM
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