3 am in Egypt
I hear my phone ringing and am woken from sleep. I look at the number....out of area. I let the phone ring out. It's 3 AM!!!!
He calls again......and I hit SILENT watching it ring out.
Is this going to be his new routine? I'm surely not playing ball with 3 am phone calls......NO WAY!
It starts ringing again. And with morbid fascination.......I watch my phone flashing. He knows the time difference.......and besides......he should have arrived at 10pm Egypt time........so why wait till 3 am to call me?
It rings for the 4th time. I turn it over and let it ring out. I think I deserve 24 hours without having to deal with him. Isn't that the reason why I took the house phone off the hook? LOL! I should have turned my cell off as well.......
posted by Safa at 5:37 PM
17 Comments:
turn them off inshallah. turn them OFF! let him worry for a while.
7:19 PM
Thats so weird. Wonder what he was up to...
8:23 PM
Wow, he is really being a jerk! You can turn your phone on vibrate only, so you can know if a call comes in but it shouldn't wake you up. Or just put it on silent.
Hugs!
Anisah
9:39 PM
Hey! Looks like the word MORBID is my new favourite....LOL!
2:31 AM
salamu alaykum,
could this be a case of absence making the heart grow fonder. First I love you now 3 am calls. Smile!You gotta love it!
4:20 AM
Does he normally do this Safa? When he leaves? Does he call so many times? What is up? Would he call just to say he has arrived? I am sure he is pretty ticked off at not being able to reach you by the home phone and the cell.
5:30 AM
Absence, relief? He JUST LEFT? LOLOLOLOL!!!
And normally we call him to make sure he landed well. This time, I didn't.
He left when his son was sick.....so I suppose he may call to check up on him. I took him to the DR's on Thurs.....poor baby.
5:49 AM
i hope all turns out according to ur wishes safa.Amen
6:27 AM
AA wa Ra wa Ba,
I don't think it's "absence makes the heart grow fonder". LOL.
He just left. He was absent when he didn't even let her sit with him at the wedding. He was absent for many months while in Canada and it didn't make him nicer when he did see her.
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" just means your memory fades....it is not real and certainly not something to build a marriage or any relationship on.
Don't over-romanticize this. It is what it is. Safa and her spouse do many things out of "duty" Safa herself has given many insights into this. She washes his eyeglasses, hangs up his underwear, he goes to the wedding of his brother (even if they don't even get along), etc. So, duty-bound people feel like there are things they must say and do. Saying "I love you" right before you travel is one of those "duty-bound" things, I suppose.
Safa, stick with your duas and believe your gut.
6:31 AM
Oh and I' sorry Relief, I couldn't help it. Since you brought up "absence makes the heart grow fonder" I thought of other possible cliche references:
-a faint heart never a true love knows
-all's fair in love and war
-better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all
-if you love something set it free
-love and hate are two horns on the same goat
6:34 AM
Safa, Keep it up, you have chased him for so long and put up with so much. Play the game, make him come to you. See it's like this as I'm sure you have figured out--remember school days? Boy chases girl, girl doesn't want boy, boy moves on to another, the first girl then wants boy. Same game different decade. This time---You DON't chase him, You don't care (or at least act like it)what he's up to, He Goes Crazy-thinks you don't want him, He chases you----That is until you start to chase him again. Juvenille yes, but oh so true!!!! Woman--he is the one who's loosing the Gold (you), not the other way around (You gotta know that your all that and a bag of chips and believe it) OBEY Allah in EVERY aspect, no more snooping, no more checking, pray and ask Allah (which I'm sure you have been and know you have been to make this man realize what he's gonna miss out on). Also, next time he says I love you, say "I love you too and add for the sake of Allah" Be happy, you are your kids role model, they will more than likely immulate you when they are grown. Be strong---LOVE YOURSELF MORE and your kids than you love him. Until you figure things out, be so grateful for what you do have, that's what keeps me going in times of worry and stress. I know what I'm saying cause I have been where you are, let him chase YOU. If he doesn't, then it's his loss. Be patient and take the deeds (remember the hadeeth about every tear you shed). Pass this test with patience, if you don't then it has come to my realization that you will be tested with something else.
Making dua for you
Suhaylah
6:58 AM
Are you serious Suhaylah?
PLAY GAMES??? After being married 17+ years and putting up with all his BS? You advise her to play games to draw him back like a bee to honey??? I'm sorry but that sounds like so many Arab women I know who play games so they can stay in MISERABLE MARRIAGES!!!
UGH!
11:43 AM
Asalaam alaikum Safa,
That's good that you ignored him. To pay attention to your own needs more than his.
I wish mine would just leave too!
11:58 AM
Safa...if you don't answer his calls, you may be the next Muslimah to fall victim to divorce by text message! But would a divorce from him really make you a victim? Not so much. It could be quite liberating I think. Is that a part of your plan??? :o)
6:37 PM
Oh Suhaylah.....I'm so past the playing games stage....and like PM said...we've been married 17 yrs.......
He can play his own games and leave me to just live life.......he always wins anyways......
12:06 AM
Assalamu Alaykum, I guess I didn't complete my thoughts. When I say play the game, it's a term of speech. I mean after all you have been playing the game for a LONG time so to speak. Checking his phone, chasing after him, etc.... My point was to let him chase you, forget about it and worry about Allah. I was listening to a khutbah about passionate love and how it can become shirk. Loving someone more than yourself and above all loving someone more than Allah. I'm not saying that you have, but your story is all too familiar. Love Allah, be obedient to HIM only and all the chips will fall into place. PM I didn't tell her to stay in a miserable marriage (lol, and I'm not Arab in case you were wondering). She's still there and has to take care of herself, so playing the "game" so to speak is part of it until she leaves. The game is "Safa is his dutiful wife who does everything for the family like a good "wife" should. He does whatever he wants, all while Safa sits there and deals with it patiently, smiling and carrying on with life as usual (the best she can), all while burning inside. If that isn't a "game/head trip I don't know what is". Oh yes, being verbally insulted in front of his family and then having to cook/clean for him!! I in no way think she should draw him back with honey. But she can give him some of his own medicine. PM--I guess you read into the game thing wrong...She's there, hasn't left and she has to protect herself emotionally. I did also give her religous advice. Safa, your whole situation makes me ill. I just hate that you are somewhat trapped in that mess. Again, I would like to say "I don't think the game playing is so that you can "win" him back in any way!!! He doesn't deserve you!!! What I am saying is this "TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, BE OBEDIENT TO ALLAH=peace of mind. I think perhaps this is one of Allah's tests for you in life. Patience and surrendering to Allah alone, loving Allah more than this man. Checking up on him is not obedience to Allah, your husband will be accountable for his deeds. You will too, don't let his misdeeds effect you. You won't be asked about his deeds, but you will be asked about how you handled it. I have been married as long as you too, so I'm not speaking from inexperience. I know the trapped feeling with kids, I have more than you. Fear Allah alone and love your husband "for the sake of Allah".
Your sister in Islam
Suhaylah
8:00 AM
pm and safa...sometimes in certain marriages that works...
that approach of being honey to attract the bee.
but w/ morons, idiots and bastards alike, it doesn't.
im sorry but the latest post..the one after this one..just made me sick. sick. sick. she coulda been in bed w/ him for all we know. i mean what the hell. just like safa said. WHAT THE HELL.
what kind of morbid joke is this. i think the 'i love you' perhaps is supposed to satisfy the internal mullings of a guilty soul, so perhaps it was more for him than for you safa.
either way, i wouldnt put an ounce weight to it or believe it or anything. Love doesnt mean leaving your kids to fend for yourself while you go chill with your other wife. thats called being a bastard. im sorry im cursing but thats how sickly i feel about this.
4:03 PM
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