I need some help
Assalaamu alaikum.
Things are sketchy at the moment. Aren't they always...?? Sigh. I need to ask for some help. I've opened a paypal account and I'm trying to travel to Canada as you all know. I've got a few things in mind that I have to set up when I'm there. And it takes money......which I am sadly lacking. I can't start asking Hubby for amounts that will make his eyes open wider. I need to protect myself and the children.
So I humbly ask that anyone who can afford to help me out with a small donation go to my paypal account which I registered as surah2362@yahoo.com . If anyone wants to contact me, you can use the same email address.
Two of the most important things that I need to in Canada are.....
*see a divorce lawyer
*revoke a power of Attorney that I stupidly signed to my husband
May Allah guide us all to the straight path.....ameen. And most importantly.......remember me in your dua.....for I truly believe that if I can't be helped here in the dunya......that I need to start banking on the hereafter.....YA RAB!
posted by Safa at 10:38 PM
19 Comments:
Lots of hugs to you and your kids.
CYE.
Anisah
7:21 AM
I don't think your brothers and sister in Islam will abandon you now.
You are in our dua's. May Allah make this easy for you.
Starlight
8:53 AM
How much money are you needing and will you leave?
12:50 PM
Ask and ye shall receive. *smile*
1:19 PM
slaam,you can canel the power of attorney from the consulate/embassey in Eygpt. if you have the date and full name you used to make the power of attorney, plus it will cost you a small fee. May Allah make it easy on you and your kids
ameen ya rub.
check your paypal ok :)
2:48 PM
*nudge*
I got caught up in my own disaster, email me and we can talk insha Allah okay?
Hang in there...
2:55 AM
I don't mean to be rude but why would you need money? You have a right to half of what of what you both own...like PM said be proactive, divorce him and have your share and start your own life...DO IT!!
8:55 AM
plus Safa he has to support all the children:provide housing,food, clothing,their education, even the electricity they use.If he does that you will be fine Insha-Allaah.
3:02 PM
I haven't written before, but I feel compelled to tell you something. I am married to an Arab man. They do not like fighting and confrontation, and cannot stand a woman who is anything other than completely happy and grateful every minute of the day. They do not have any patience for anyone else's stresses or needs. My husband and I have gotten into huge arguments many times in our fifteen years together. We love each other, but he is very hot tempered. When we fight, he always offers me money to leave. He is more than willing to pay me off just to get rid of me when he is angry about anything at all. Maybe your husband is the same way. He is stressed trying to choose between two women, and does not want to be seen as abandoning his wife and kids. If you tell him you want to leave, he might very well be happy to be rid of the problems associated with marriage, and be more than willing to pay. It is just a thought. you might try it. he sounds like he has money. just tell him you will leave him alone if he gives you a good amount of money. After that he can visit the kids whenever he wants, but will no longer have to deal with you. My husband would go for it in a heartbeat. Just a thought. Good luck.
9:09 PM
My first comment didn't go through, so let me try again.
I think you should let him know that you want to go and find out how much he is willing to give you. Be straightforward with him. He is still the father of your children and needs to be in contact with them. You might really need his help with them one day, either financially or just to help them get throught the teenage years. Don't cut him off. He might be relieved that you are planning to go and be willing to pay. I am not being mean, just truthful. My husband is Arab and is very hot tempered. We have been together for fifteen years, but if I make him angry over anything at all, or just don't seem happy enough, he offers me money to go off and start my own life. They do not like marraige, really. They only want the perfect happy times. If I told my husband that I wanted to leave, he would give me money. It is just a thought. They don't want to be seen as abandoning their family. Their thinking is, "there, I did my part, I gave you money, now leave me alone." You know your man better than I do, but it is worth a try. It takes a lot of money to escape with five kids.
11:10 PM
i DONT KNOW WHAT WORLD YOU ALL LIVE IN BUT THIS IS THE REAL WORLD!!!
First to say he HAS to pay anything is a bit much. yes he is suppose to but their are many men that have the money but do not give it up.
Yeah he will as long as he own you but once you are gone ...so is the money. have you all ever heard of men owing back child support...
and to say she can get 1/2 of everything....OH PLZZZZZZZZZ just becuase we may think she can and should get it does not mean she will. My step mom took my dad to court and it took YEARS to get anything...his laywer held that mess up and he only had to pay pennies until the judge finally ordered himt o pay.... by the time she did her son was in high school... and ask me how much he had to pay.......NOT 1/2...
safas husband has his own business.
there is no job a judge can force to take the money from a check..he is in control of all the money....he is the one that can make fake income statements...all the court can do is order it and hope he pays.......then he can always leave canada and never pay at all...and nothign will happen to him
and if she goes to court in egypt....he can never pay.... and not be in any real trouble. there are many egyptian women still waiting on the first full payment and its been years.......
so to ask why she needs money.....to get out
to get help. to have money that he does not know about....to have some finiancial freedom.....to not be totally depandant on him....
the thing is .its sad she HAS to do this...inshaallah you will start putting money away for times of need...NEVER be totally dependant on anyone else....I dont know what to tell you..u know im only a call or text away...
4:20 AM
Lolly,
Salaam Alaikum. I have held my tongue on this issue because I spoke on the last post and have spoken to Safa in detail about what I think is her best strategy. However, I think you are coming down pretty hard on people who have some honest questions and also want to see that this man is pushed to uphold his duties and responsibilities. There is a lot more chance of that happening in Egypt (imo) where his family is there and there is a family-size villa that will be ready to move into within months -- than in Canada on welfare, where he can do all the things you suggest with regard to hiding income and not supporting his kids.
Take care, dear,
PM
2:34 PM
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3:00 PM
I think alot of times we tend to characterize a whole culture just by our own experience with someone of that culture. yes, its true, a certain characteristic can exist but i think character problems are often coming from the upbringing of the individual and their own personality, not evvverything has to be hurled onto the culture :-)
Leme explain. I'm married to an arab also, and my hubby and I went through some down times in our relationship. He did not just let me leave or offer to just give me money to go away and not confront him. He wanted me to be with him, and instead he fixed the things that were bothering me. not just merely to please me, but he sincerely changed those habits/patterns.
May Allah protect my marriage and heal and protect the marriage of all Muslims. ameen.
11:00 PM
Hey Safa, I wish I could help...You're in my thoughts and Duaas.
11:33 PM
PM is right on an issue here.....the best way to make my hubby uphold his responsibilities and duties towards his kids in the event of a divorce (imminent).....is in EGYPT.
I'm asking for assistance so that I can do certain things while visiting Canada without alerting anyone of my doings.
Insha Allah, things will work according to Allah's plan first....and then perhaps....mine.
1:56 AM
But the problem about EGYPT is it's a country run BY men, FOR men. He can take your kids away from you there. Yes I know not all men are like that, but you'd be surprised what people can do when they are angry because they CAN.
And many men do their best to duck their responsibilities. How many men leave and don't support the wife through her Iddah because the law (in the West) doesn't make them? My little one's dad never ever supported him at all, and him being in a "Muslim" country (Jordan) doesn't help at all.
Hugs!
Anisah
8:38 AM
salam alaikoum
Safa, did you get my email?
You are in my duas
8:55 AM
Assalaamu Alaykum
May Allah guide you my sister, I live in the USA and I have been muslim for a short time, just over 2 years. I have endured the sadness of my husband looking for a wife and having sit downs but he has not yet gotten married to another sister. I believe that the time will come when he does take another wife and I am grateful Meshallah that you have shared your experiences. I have the ability Meshallah to act nonchalant and happy and like I'm cool about the situation. I have decided that Inshallah my husband will not recieve calls from her to my house and that his cell phone must be off when he walks in my house. I am aware that there may be times that this rule will be broken. If I am not being respected and I go through added stress. I may opt to leave him. I don't want him to be unhappy, the sister to be unhappy or myself. I have high blood pressure and I get these headache. May Allah protect my health. I just feel that it is not worth it. There has to be boundaries. I believe that your husband will be very sad when you leave if you consider that. Women play games and he is trying to juggle the households. I do not want to talk to my co-wife about anything relating to her love for my husband or any details about their time together or their relationship. Knowing these details are like poison darts to the heart.
I would like to enjoy my time with my children and take time to do things with my kids that we don't usually do when my husband is around. Your blog is a reminder of what I don't want to do.
When I read that lipstick and perfume was on a shirt. My instinct would be to burn the shirt and not mention it. I think that that would have drove the other wife crazy. I mean can't you see that she is very intimidated, unsure of her self and that she feels threatened by you. I mean she is the second wife and your husband has been married to you longer and you have history, children and his love. She is feeling threatened by it all.
If you are still with him Inshallah, may Allah strenghten you to overlook some things concerning co-wives. Make dua while he is making his calls and ask Allah to comfort you and ask for Him to increase your husbands love for you, to make him desire you more, and miss you more when he is gone.
It is frustrating for a man to continually get calls like that, you might be surprised if you just step back and think that women call a lot when they are desparate. Desparation is not attractive and it will get old after a while. The other wife wants you to leave your husband and I know of a instance where the sister would be sick all the time! Allah knows best, but now the second wife is the only wife.
If Allah wills you to leave your husband so be it, but consider all your options and make Istakarah.
I love you sister and it pains me to see my sister in such a state. May Allah strenghten us all and Make us more righteous Amin! and maybe I will be able to be more of assistance later this month. Email me.
Wa AlaykumSalaam wa Rahmantu Allayhi Wabarakatuhu
9:51 PM
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