update
JazaakAllahu Khairan to all those who are reaching out.......believe me when I say that I will be putting the monies I have received to good use.
I've been to the embassy today......and there was YET another problem. Minor....and I fixed it.....but the embassy closed before I could hand in the papers again. Insha Allah....all will be finished up for baby on Sunday.
It was really hard to stay focused at the embassy.....my husbands cell phone kept ringing. No less than 157 times actually. From one person.
Guess who?
(if anyone is still planning on helping me...it's paypal with my email of surah2362@yahoo.com)
posted by Safa at 9:54 AM
20 Comments:
I've only commented once or twice here, but I've been lurking for about a year. I just wanted to let you know that I'll be sending a little support your way in the coming days.
5:07 PM
People are strictly NOT allowed to take their cell phones into US Embassies. They take them from you at the door. Been to the one in Cairo and other places, and they all have same procedures. Situation seems iffy to me.
11:10 PM
Well thats the thing, anon.....while we were sitting handing in the paperwork, he goes to make a phne call about tickets.....goes and collects his cell and proceeds to leave the bldg. When I finished up inside, he was standing on the front steps.....
11:13 PM
Oh....the cell phone was ringing all thru the day....not specifically at the embassy......sorry.......
11:16 PM
maybe she is pregnant
12:49 AM
Dear Safa,
My prayer for you is that you will learn to focus your attention on your plan for you and the children instead of focusing on him, his cell phone and his other. To have counted the calls -- if indeed you did -- is not healthy and not going to get you anything but distraction that you don't need.
Salaam Alaikum,
PM
8:15 AM
Ameen to your prayer, PM......believe me, it was so difficult focusing......he told me when he had 40 missed calls, and then when he had 87 missed calls.....and when I finally had enough of hearing his phone ring and ring...(he had to charge it twice)....I said..."that must be at least 150 calls already...ANSWER HER! HARAAM! WHAT IF IT"S SOMETHING SERIOUS??.....to which he answered....it's actually 157!
And then he started yelling at me...
YOU WANTED THIS! YOU DON"T WANT ME TO TALK TO HER IN FRONT OF YOU, RIGHT? SO TOO BAD! I'M NOT GOING TO ANSWER! YOU WANTED THIS!
10:50 AM
Salaam Alaikum Safa,
He's sicker than I thought and needs to be quarantined ;-)
11:43 AM
How about...turn your phone off! Blah!
12:25 PM
Oh, I could think of many easy solutions, Sobia.....but how could he torture me any other way? God forbid I actually feel good about doing the baby's paperwork.......
1:29 PM
What a twit.
When d'you leave?
I'm out of nice comments for men presently...hearing this just really enforces my sincere desire to see you happy and settled elsewhere...and to watch him lose his power.
insha Allah khayr. Keep us updated eh? love ya Safa...will email you asap insha Allah...lots going on here...I haven't forgotten though okay?
2:58 PM
i wish i could help out but at the moment i fear i shall die as i live, penniless. perhaps when things get better for me. my dua's for you always!
love, sayang
3:29 PM
as salaamu alaykum
i hope u are not going to hate me for this but sister please re-consider leaving him, i think you have read the hadeeth that Allaah forbids the jannah from a woman who asks for divorce without a valid reason.
You are masha allaah sister strong and patient woman, please stay patient for a little while more, it's your husband, father of your children, your life will not be happier without him, alone with the kids.
i have not read all the posts here so forgive me, i may have and certainly have missed some points, but what it seems for me this polygyny has not been very easy for either of you...
and your husband is not being fair with you or with his second wife. i do feel pity for you,and for the other woman. marriage is not like this subhan allaah.
12:54 PM
I really have to wonder what a valid reason for divorce would be, in your opinion,anonymous. Being in a marriage, something that should bring feelings of security, happiness and comfort, that brings nothing but jealousy, suspicion, hurtfulness,insecurity, instability and, of course pity from others for you as well as your CHILDREN is not reason enough?
God forgives/makes allowances for people who make mistakes. Do you really think that God would want to punish her (and please don't forget the innocent children) for a lifetime because she did something STUPID at an immature age and did not have the proper adult guidance to stop her from doing it?
6:54 AM
i believe that injustice is a good enough reason for divorce. i remember a hadith about a woman coming to the Prophet and wanting a divorce because she was not happy with her husband and she was granted a divorce.
10:18 AM
>"Allaah forbids the jannah from a woman who asks for divorce without a valid reason..."
Why would you even write that here as YOU have NO WAY of knowing what is in another sister's heart?
Love and Peace,
~Brooke
11:02 AM
>"Do you really think that God would want to punish her (and please don't forget the innocent children) for a lifetime because she did something STUPID at an immature age and did not have the proper adult guidance to stop her from doing it?"...
Wow. Quite a heavy load you are dumping there. You are implying A LOT. Such as...she was stupid to convert? Stupid to marry a man that WAS practicing well? She waited a couple years to reproduce. She moved to a Muslim land at 26ish-that's not so immature of an age. What else are you reading into?
Safa's probs DO NOT stem from choices she made at a young age and I believe she did have some "proper adult guidance," but allahualim.
This is a major contention I have with your commentors Safa...though I'm sure you are aware of this, I would like to draw some attention here to those whose eyes/minds/hearts may be veiled...
Amongst the crowds here are those that are not just cheering for Safa to leave her husband, but also to leave Egypt (the place she chose to raise her children and may well still want to continue to do so) and ultimately to leave Islam.
Even if I have misinterpreted 6:54's stupid-a** comment and please don't bother to explain yourself-shaytan COULD really have a field day here.
Safa, please keep yourself and your family safe and commentors, don't forget each other and Safa's family in our duas.
Love and Peace,
~Brooke
11:00 AM
Brooke.....
I respect the varied opinions of my commenters.....and have always reminded them from time to time,,,that any changes or decisions I make are my own.
I've constantly moved along to my own pace, even when others have tried to push.......because I am the only one living my situation and prepared to handle the consequences for my actions.....
I've always loved the variety my commentors post......
Sometimes I've chosen not to publish comments......
Really, Brooke....we just have to read the comments and take the good that works and leave the good that doesn't......
Because in the end......it's all good.
1:10 PM
Safa,
I really respect you for that- your pace and tolerance. You actually ripped me a new one for a comment I left on the first blog I ever read and though I still don't agree with you or the blogger about that one - I absolutely respect you. I too have grown and evolved in the time I have been reading your blog and living my life.
I do not view you as a victim in your marriage and of course I don't agree with some of your choices, but alhudiallah, we each get to make or own way down our own path.
This is not the first time I have seen a veiled agenda from your commentors, but I found this one especially ludicrous and insulting as it implies support and then slaps in some completely unrelated implications and puts the blame on you...AND I do not agree that when you were young, immature and guideless is when the spiral began.
Love and Peace,
~Brooke
1:29 PM
"Stupid to marry a man that WAS practicing well?"
As it turns out, I guess so. Maybe a more mature person would have seen some warning signs. Also, I don't approve of women marrying before they have been educated enough that they have the abilty to be self-sufficient.
I don't view Safa as a victim either. It is her CHILDREN that are the victims here and as their mother, it is her responsiblity to protect them.
5:16 AM
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