Giving up........control?
You know peoples. I have my faults and perhaps they are just too many to deal with at one sitting. But one of them that keeps popping up, is my need of control. And those of you closest to me, know that I possess this horrible thing. It's hard giving it up. Do you know what I mean?
Sometimes I stand on my balcony and look off into the nothingness that stretches in front of it. And I wonder if I can just give it up. Can I try to stop manipulating things? Can I just live my life and breathe? Can I?
Sigh. I just don't see it coming.
There are things going on now. None of them the greatest. But Alhamdulillah! Who knows what Allah has in store? Oh, I'm fine.....but the developments are ones that make me feel sad for others. SubhanAllah.
~~~~
I've been told that my thinking is one way. You know, like when ur driving? Look out...cuz Safa is ONE WAY! That should be a sign over my house door. Better yet, how about on my forehead? It's possible.
I've been trying to search the depths of who I am......and I know that I've spent some time being very contemplative.....it's bothering my hubby a bit. We talked.....
Look out for ONE WAY SAFA!
We never get much of anywhere......
Oh jeez...look at this post...I've said a lot...but it all equals nothing....
Well, forgive me then....this is where I am at RIGHT NOW. Sigh.
posted by Safa at 10:06 AM
10 Comments:
Assalamu'alaikum Safa
I'm not exactly sure what you're referring to when you say you're "giving up control" but whatever it is, don't give up. Right now ....he has some control over you coz you're still married to him, Right? He knows it would be hard for you to just walk away from your marriage. Give up control....then you might as well give up all your rights. Coz what you're saying now is that he has free reign to do as he pleases. Try to compromise a little and get your papers done. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. And when I say the worst, seek out shelters for women, what constitutes abuse, is emotional abuse considered abuse? In the US it is. Often going through shelters is easier. Ask the Canadian Embassy if they are able to help you once you go through a government funded shelter. Can you get dual citizenship for the baby? I don't know what the circumstances are in Egypt, but I know if I wanted out of my marriage, the Australian government can cut through all the red tape if I just go through the shelters. Just a thought from someone experiencing similar marital/immigration/polygyny woes.
2:32 PM
Asalaam Alaikum dear Sis,
We are not perfect, we all have our faults, do not beat yourself up too much. As since I have been reading your blog I have seen you many times go beyond yourself, to look at the bigger picture and strive to do the right, and avoid the wrong, when sometimes it would be so much easier to just slide into the wrong. You are so strong dear sister, masha'Allah. You are in my dua.
May Allah bless you and your family,
Aeryn
7:04 PM
my mind was all over the place yesterday. What I mean by giving up control, is just giving up the "I NEED IT NOW" pressure I've been putting on hubby.
He's on his way to cda, insha Allah. And I just have to be patiet for 30 days. When he comes back, we'll see what has changed. And what hasn't, i suppose.
I have to give up those 30 days and give him a chance to do what he has to.
Ya Rab, Thabitloo. Ameen!
11:22 PM
Safa, just to set the record straight, and I'm talking as if i've personally witnessed your life for the last decade, you don't really strike me as the controlling type.
I think its just that now yu'v gotten SICK AND TIRED of crap and are asking for your rights NOW, so yur being told that oh yur so CONTROLLING AND ONE WAY.
I feel like yur internalizing any labels being thrown your way. You really shouldn't do that.
7:47 AM
Thanksso much Anon 7:47....for defending me against me. LOL!
Truth is....it's not about me trying to gain control to get my rights....that's not where I was going. I was thinking about some other issues that I've been trying to sway my way. The ppl closest to me know that I do have some control issues....many of which I've given up. Alhamdulilla.
The ONE WAY was just a label that I liked! Tks....
9:55 AM
assalamu aleikum wa rahamtulahi wa barakatuhu,
Huh, I see quite the opposite. I see that you let your spouse make a lot of decisions for you. I don't see the control thingy going on at all.
If you were a "control" freak, there is no way you'd still be in Egypt and in your existing marriage. Actually, the fact that your marriage has lasted so long says to me you are NOT a controlling person at all.
Sometimes, when women are stong, and know what they want, and push for their rights, people call that controlling. SO, maybe your husband has seen a CHANGE in you and he doesn't like it and he thinks the label will turn you off...
hmmm.
10:45 AM
Asalamu Walaikum Safa,
There is a sweeping generalization about the relationship between Egyptian men and women. Basically the men are seen as uber controlling and the woman are seen as master manipulators to offset the control.
Do you think any of that is going on?
Golly can't wait to hear what others may say ;)
I reiterate that you being married so young, your personal identity is really tied into your husband. If you look over older posts, it was way more we and us than I...This is fine, alhumdiallah, it is what a family should be.
I just think that it made the P and the lying more painful because you are so, so attached to your hubby.
A good dose of healthy detachment can do a sister wonders!
I love you for the sake of Allah Safa.
Stay one way on the path, k?
Love and Salam,
~Brooke
1:25 PM
We dont have an intimate look into your life, but from the outside, I don't see you have any control or even basic marital rights in this marriage besides financial. Controlling women aren't married to men like your husband. Controlling women don't wait four to five years on any man. The find a way to get their way or take another road. You can rationalise things and come up with issues to chatise yourself but guess what, no one is perfect. Seeking your rights is your right. You have the right to have your rights right now.
3:18 PM
hmmmmmm....thanks. Perhaps you are all right. In fact, I really do believe you are. I think that they want to say this to me negatively.
It's fine, it just bounces off. Bottom line, I want my rights.
11:31 PM
Controlling is the last thing I see you as.."controlled" is another matter. He is definately the Master Controller and now you wait another 30 days....sigh..how many days have you waited?? and how many are you prepared to wait is the question..the only way to get respect is to make the decisions that are best for you and the children ..the children that have stood by you and love you...at least you won't have the worry or hurt of your children saying...We want to live with Dad..that must be of some comfort
3:30 AM
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