just to let u know.....
My downstairs SIL called and asked me what's going on. She said that her hubby has tried to talk to mine, but that my hubby is completely closed and unwilling to talk. The BIL is very worried.
So I discussed some things with her. Told her that my patience has run out. That I need a solution right now. That I'm sick inside and that hubby's unfairness has taken its toll. I'm not able to wait anymore. So whatever happens, happens. I'm fine with that.
In typical egyptian ways, she told me to be patient, and that I should be accomodating and loving,.....blah blah blah. I told her, GET REALISTIC! I told her the patience well has run dry. The SOLUTION to our problems are not existant on me being loving and accomodating, they are existant on my hubby finding a solution that works ISLAMICALLY. Anything less than that, doesn't work.
She said that tonight my BIL will get my hubby to come downstairs and have a big talk with him. I wonder if he'll talk.
They knew something was up in Canada, but weren't sure what it could be. They thought that I started some court thingy or something....but I told her that I talked to Crystal....that it wasn't anything else. She was concerned cuz I called, but at the same time said that Crystal would have no reason to lie to me about anything, cuz she's out of the picture and has nothing to hide. I agree with that.
Anyways, we'll see what will happen tonight.....but I doubt some sort of solution will be found. If anything, he may just divorce me tonight. Allah knows.
posted by Safa at 4:42 AM
11 Comments:
Salam Safa,I wouldn't hold my breathe. Your husband is a stubborn man and seems stuck in his ways.Inshallah he heeds his brother's advice.
11:22 AM
If you know that financially you can be on your feet, and that you will be fine without him. I mean you are without him anyway but this way you wont have that knowledge of knowing you have a husband, then with everything he is doing, unless he gets his act together, Allah knows perhaps it would be better to separate. I wouldnt completely end it to like 3 talaqs though.
Anyway the other thing is that throughout from all you've said as far back as ive been reading your blog, it seems clear to me that he knows yur miss-nice and patient, which is AWESOME for you beleive me, but i think he thinks he can walk all over you and you'll still be around. And sometimes, men need to know that yur not gona stick around for them to realize that wait hey i have a really decent wife, leme stick around.
It also seems like he's lost interest in you for one reason or another, and is looking to other women to maybe make him feel better or unbored or something. But then the wierd thing is that his other wife, is apparently giving him trouble and he's tryna help her out. so its like..whats going on?
Seems like maybe ultimately he is having some of his own issues inside his head.
Your girls do seem like they are a HUGE PART OF your life and will keep you happy . INsh'allah, i think yu'll be fine. Just don't do anything in a rush .. whatever happens. And don't speak from desire. Always be truthful and ask yourself, will this please Allah.
My heart is really with you. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, you can cry on mine.
1:49 PM
Hi Safa, I am so sorry things are going as they are right now for you. But I am so proud of the way you are handling everything. I don't know how you do it.
And your little girls are so beautiful. Angels even. Thank you for sharing the photos.
And big belated congratulations on your baby boy! Take good care of yourself now! My thoughts and prayers are with you.
*hugs*
5:53 PM
You are in my prayers-stay strong- anyway-he can't divorce you while you're pregnant can he???
6:52 AM
don't rock the boat too much. what do you want from life? you are living fine,your daughters are stable and happy, you are pregnant with a boy. your husband doesn't abuse you, as long as you houmor him, he is fine. so just smile and wait until he leaves. do't push him to come to stay in egypt, be happy without him!!! what if you aare divorced? leave egypt? start new in canada? get the girls to start school there? find new friends? be the strange muslims? and suffer to make ends meet? you think to get married again?
7:08 AM
I think anonymous's advice was really excellent. I'm thinking about you a lot!
8:37 AM
Salamu alaykum,
I pray that things get better for you and hubby. I don't feel that all is lost and I think it is good to involve his family in the counseling and talking to your muslim sister in law is good al hamdulilaah. The sister in law can convey your concerns to her husband and maybe your hubby's brother can have an influence on him and make him see where he's going wrong. I'm glad you told Crystal not to deal with him anymore. Inshallah she will honor your request.
12:53 PM
Safa, insh'allah, things are going better for you. I'm thinking 'bout ya!
7:05 AM
Salams Safa;
I know you from Sobia's forum and came here tonight as a direct from her blog. Your girls are beautiful, mash'allah!
I'm so, so, sorry you are going through the difficult time that you are. Allah must have you on the list of blessed people for you to have to deal with someone as you have. I have no idea how I would react to my husband having another wife and then not giving you equal treatment, not discussing it with you. I'm an American revert to Islam and I still don't think I could accept it. You are a strong woman with a good heart to have tolerated as much as you have!!
If you end up back in Canada and your towards the Eastern part come to the US for a visit, lol!
Will keep you in my prayers that you continue to have strength, faith, and health to support yourself and your daughters thru what seems a very difficult situation.
6:13 PM
I agree with those who are telling you to get back to Canada ASAP!!! I was in a similar situation, and then witnessed it again in a friend of mine who not only lost her own daughter, but her daughter from a previous marriage as well. Her husband took them both to Egypt and it was HELL to get back the daughter that wasnt even his! Since your husband is so happy in Canada with his wives and/or girlfriends, it's much better for you to be there too. Not only can you exercise your rights regards custody and support, if he gets too nasty you can blow the whistle on his polygamous nature. I dont get it how these guys try to get around the law. And then treat the first wife like sh*t. That's exactly what he is doing to you. He needs a SERIOUS wake-up call. And YOU and those precious KIDS need protection. He deserves everything that is coming to him. Please get out of Egypt ASAP--and tell NO ONE there. I am making du'ah for you.
6:47 PM
i am the anonymous who left the long comment (the first one) and i think i agree w/ the second anonmyou's advice now.
why rock the boat after all. both w/ or without hte divorce, your husband isnt around. so just live the good life. maybe u can even hire some help in egypt. and take it easy.
however, i do feel like yur young and perhaps could find a good husband. you never know. but that has to depend on how financially secure you would be without him
You don't want your girls to suffer also.
10:59 AM
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