Lets all do the Hubba Hubba dance!

I'm at a bump in the road on how to react to my husband right now. This is his 3rd night to sleep on the couch. He doesn't look at me, he's ignoring me. It does have some element of pain with it, but I realize that its a poor attempt to try and control me. When he came home yesterday, he told the 14 yr old to tell me not to touch his cell phone anymore. Interesting. He finally admits he has something to hide. I will call him on it, should he decide to say it directly to me. There is nothing in this house called mine and his. He spoke to MM 5 times yesterday, once for an hour and again for 1/2 an hour. I guess it's fair to say something must be going on over there, don't u think? It makes me curious if possibly that's why he's being so difficult.

At the dinner table, the 9 yr old told him that the DR told me what I have in my stomach, to which he answered....a boy? And she said, ur right Baba! He kept himself busy with his food and just whispered, alhamdulillah. No Mabrouk, not even a glance of happiness.......might as well told him that the toilet was plugged and crap was flooding the bathroom. Might have gotten a better reaction.

My blood sugars are high. Yesterday the DR told me if they get any higher I may have to start to take insulin. Jeez. At the point I am now with the sugars, I can probably control it if I just watch my diet. So I've started. The idea of taking needles daily is not my cup of tea.

Where am I with all this? Well, I'm not the sad, crying, weepy Safa. I'm just floating about the house when he's home, not saying much and not doing anything for him either. No tea, no snacks, no love and affection. Just like...meh. Maybe he's expecting different......I'm sure he is......but I will be haunted by his words.......you all can be replaced. What more to say after something like that?

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The minute after he's out of the house, the kids all take a deep breath of air, and we do the "hubba hubba dance". It's a joke between us and all of us have our own interpretation what the hubba hubba dance is. Can u imagine me and my girls doing it? LOL! Today my 11 yr old did a Michael Jackson Hubba dance while we were all hubba hubba-ing and grabbed her crotch! We all saw her do it, and died laughing in giggles and tears. Gotta love our hubba hubba dance. It's our way of releasing the pressure of his presensce...jeez, it's gone so far.

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What else? Well, I had to bring two carpets to the villa to be cleaned. And before I left, I saw my hubby using the phone in the bedroom. I went and sat down on the bed waiting for him to finish. When he finished, he sat quietly, probably figuring that something was up. I told him that I had something to say. Here's what I said...." I want you to know that if you think your ignoring me and treating me so abruptly is going to bring about some sort of solution, ur wrong. It's getting a different reaction out of me then that. If this is the way you plan on treating me, then I think it's time we came to some sort of a conclusion, because I am not able to deal with your actions. I need some love, support and other things that I feel you aren't giving me. Since you've been here, you haven't even told me that you love me even once. "

He says,

"If a conclusion is what we need, then I am working up to it. If I have to sacrifice everyone one of you so that I can save just one, I will. You are ruining your life, my life and the kids lives. Ever since the beginning of our problem, you've been impossible."

ME: "What problem?"

HIM: "The new marriage."

ME: "Oh....well yes. When you decided to go and get married, its a decision that you made on your own. You have to accept responsibility for what comes afterwards. It's your decisions that have brought us to this point. Maybe if you would have just been fair with me, you might have found a difference in me. But since you can't even offer me that, things are going downhill. If you remember how I was in Canada, you know I have the ability to get the good out of anything."

HIM: "You don't want that anymore"

ME: "If you mean, do I want your other wife? No, I don't. ANd I won't live in a marriage like that anymore. I won't be disrespected by your entire family and ur wife to boot. Your choices and if you are willing to destroy our marriage over her, you are welcome to it. Like you said the other day, WE CAN BE REPLACED. And I want to thank you for saying those words, you helped me come to a decision about our relationship."

HIM: "you can't push me into a decision. I am a man and have to make my own. If you push me, then I'll be like my oldest brother whose wife walks all over him."

ME: "I'm asking for a solution and my rights. If that pushes you to make some sort of decision, then so be it. I'm not going to suffer waiting for the end of your story. And BTW, you can stop deleting all the phone calls on ur cell phone. You don't know how to use the thing properly....if you want to talk to ur wife 5 times a day, then go right ahead. Might as well be honest about it. I don't have time to waste on your lies and stories, so just be straightforward"

HIM: "you can't talk to me like that. You have to be respectful"

ME: "I can talk however I want to talk. I'm not going to let things build inside of me until I get sick again. You understand that ur making me sick? I'll say what I want, I don't care. And if we are going to go islamically here.....you've had ur three days of being angry, so lets get over this and move on."

End of conversation.

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No conclusions, no solutions....but plenty for him to think about. I called Crystal back and asked her why he talked to her again. She told me that she called his work and asked the workers to have him call her. She yelled at him on the phone when he called. She told him that I called and that I was upset. She told him to smarten up and get with the program and that he was about to lose his entire life over this marriage. She told him that he has his kids to think about and he has to make the right decision. He told her that he will.

I talked to Crystal for a bit. SubhanAllah......she's quite an interesting person. When I think about her calling to apologize to me in the summer, I grudgingly admit....I respect something about her. But I had to set her straight and told her that islamically, there is nothing called "friends". And that for him to call her and ask her for advice was not islamic and not acceptable. That he needs to talk to his wife or wives or have a sheikh advise him. That their contact should be finished, just like their marriage. I asked her if she'd do me a favour if she really wanted to help him. And that was not to talk to him anymore. He has his own problems to deal with and he needs space. I told her to please back off and that if he should call her, she should tell him that she can't help him anymore. She told me that she would. For me.

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Anyways....that's whats going on. It's a waiting game....I'll let u all know what happens. Please make some dua for me, okay? My sugars were down this morning...YAY. All in all, I'm holding up. Been keeping busy when he leaves the house, and trying to keep the girls spirits up. Oh....9 yr old talked to me today about the devil woman.....said she wants to smack her in the mouth and tell her to shut up. WHOA~! Where did that come from? I told her that the devil woman didn't do anything wrong.....that we shouldn't be mean to her......that she only came into our lives because her father allowed it. So if we have any concerns, we have to talk to him. She told me that she wants some private time to talk to him about some "things". Ya Rab!

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For all u second wives out there. I know it's hard to be in ur position. You come into a marriage, and sometimes the hubby just is outright dishonest about your entire relationship and tells stories to the first wife. That breeds ill feeling. And commonly, it will be directed towards you. Sometimes the hubby's entire mission is to make himself look like a martyr for marrying you, and you are the needy bad guy. That's not right. You take the slack. From now on, I will respect second wives more. You have a hard path. And for anyone considering polygyny.....get the prospective husband to lay everything on the table with the family, before you come in the picture. The difficulties that arise from the idea of it, are going to be a lot less than the flack and bad feelings that arise after the deal is done. I've seen it......and I wish I could live by it as well. But hey, when you've got a second wife sending u a douche, lipstick covered shirts and used pregnancy tests.....it's hard to get past. Allah help us all.