When he comes he brings disaster......expressions of fear and now dead things.....
Been quite busy with all the what nots of organized cleaning....oh does it ever want to make me barf. I like clean in small doses....this is just ridiculous. I took the advice of one of my best buddies this morning.....she told me that when going thru the laundry, whatever hasn't been worn in over 2 weeks, throw out. So I did. It's in a bag of clothes, that I know poor people will go thru....so that's okay. Good news is that my laundry mountain looks about 4 maybe 5 loads of becoming extinct. WOW!
Bad news? Well...the weather is so icky today. How about over where you are Mona? It's been rainy / sunny / rainy / sunny all day long. So weird. Rain not lasting longer than 3 minutes, and not heavier than a weak spit. Not only that....but it's BRRRRRRRRRR!!!! Very cold today. I even put the heater on. My 9 yr old is wearing a turtleneck and a sweater and her housecoat around the house....believe me, its cold. I'm hoping that I get all my loads hung out there and a brisk wind blows up and dries things miraculously. Could happen, right? YA RAB!
~~~~
Get this. My 9 yr old took me aside this morning and wanted to have a talk. She's worried about something.....it's about Eid day. So I asked her what is there to worry about on Eid....insha Allah, everything will be just fine. Well......she says.........it's just on Eid she wants to be a happy family and she knows that the "devil woman" likes to call Baba all the time. So she's wondering if there is a way I can ask her Baba not to let the other wife spoil the day. In fact, the entire visit, because she calls ALL THE TIME....and just when my 9 yr old thinks that she could forget everything, the devil woman calls again. I told her that I'd talk to Baba and ask him not to answer calls from her in our presence. It eased her mind for now.....but she's quite troubled by it. SubhanAllah. (she also told me that she doesn't want her father to leave again)
My dilemna starts here.....I've asked him nicely not to talk to her in front of us, I've begged him....I've yelled at him....u name it. But he doesn't take care of it. Often times he tells me that she has rights on him. SubhanAllah....I feel tears in my eyes as I write this. I've asked him before about it....one time I got so pissed about him talking on the phone with her in front of me, that I closed up for a good hour and no one could get a word out of me......it hurts me. And now....my kids are complaining. Ya Rab! So where before I felt weak about pushing the issue for myself, I feel strength about pushing the issue for my kids. I will talk to him about it the 1st night he is here. I will make him MAKE perfect for his kids. He'd better....because I'm seriously considering throwing the cell phone off the balcony the first time he answers in front of us. Ya Allah....I'll do it! And I won't care. I'll solve the problem my own way.
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Now listen to this one. Every time my husband comes to Egypt, something happens. Something bad. SubhanAllah. Ever since he married MM, it's been like this. It's so strange. In Egypt, they say that "the face of MM doesn't have hasanah". It's a common phrase.....and always when his family talks about me, since the first time they met me, they've said the opposite. That I'm a blessing to my husband. Well, what I'm about to embark on here doesn't have anything to do with MM or me....but rather my husband. After he married MM and came to egypt, 1st visit....a business of ours got robbed and $10, 000 LE worth of merchandise was stolen. These people came prepared with a truck and everything....subhanAllah! Next visit, a different busines got involved in a dispute with the local gov't Electricity Board....where they wrongly accused us of stealing hydro and charged us a fine of $64,000 LE. That entire visit, my husband was running around trying to prove the gov't wrong. In the end we paid $1,000 LE and finished it. Never mind the bathroom light which mysteriously doesn't work when hubby is in the house. I swear, the minute he's gone, the light pops back on. Even my 14 yr old wakes up in the morning, and sees the bathroom light on and will say something like..."Is Baba gone already?"
Well, it blew again 2 days ago. Go figure. But there's more. Guess what happened this time? This is unreal.
All my chickens died......16 of them.......and only 4 ducks remain. SubhanAllah!
My maid called this morning, frantic and crying about it. I had to drive right over there to calm her down....which was no easy task. She's so upset. I'm upset. Ya Rab! And my mind keeps going back to the fact that my husband is on his way to Egypt. And this is just another disaster that comes up when he comes around. I bought the ducks just so that he'd be pleased....I thought he'd see all the chickens and ducks running around and be happy about it. I know he would have been. I'm sad about it....but it's naseeb.
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My kids have all expressed their fear about their father coming....I spose tomorrow night, or maybe Friday morning, I'll sit down with them and let them get things out. I pray to be a good muslimah and allay their fears and making their faith firm. It's a hard test, for sure.......but the girls need me to be a mother. And that's what's important now.
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Who me? How am I? Well, I'm hanging in. I'm numb...unbelieving...and just wondering where things will lead....where they will head. Maybe the chickens had the right idea and jumped ship before hubby showed up? LOL...who knows? It seems like I'm made from a firmer skin than they are.....so I'm sticking around.
posted by Safa at 6:55 AM
18 Comments:
Ugh, I hate cleaning too. I mean sometimes I get in to it and I can't stop till everything's perfect but mostly it sucks.
It was SUPER windy today blowing sand/dust all over.
It's totally understandable that you all don't want to hear him talk to her or even hear that she's called at all, and he should respect that. It's not too much to ask! In fact it's just the decent thing to do.
I know about the good/bad face luck thing. Prrreeetttyy weird stuff going on there. Sorry about the chickens, that's too bad...naseeb is naseeb right?
Hang tough Safa.
9:35 AM
Dear Safa,
Please be careful about the birds now. The flu seems to be spreading in Egypt and I hope you will just leave aside replacing the ones that died for now. Who knows? Their deaths might be related to that or the cold weather.
We have had it cold here, too, and I had to go buy a heater for my room and the maid's room. They are not so good because I had to take what I could get, cheap little halogen ones. Am going to start looking tomorrow for some better ones.
About the phone calls, it is good if you can appeal to him in a pleassant moment. Maybe remark on how you are enjoying the pleasant time as a family together and then seque into how you would appreciate it if he can work this issue out so you can have more of it. Do you call him when he is with her? Maybe you can offer to set up an arrangement so that you will avoid that, too. I tried it this way -- never really worked for long, but I felt good about it when it did.
Salaam Alaikum,
PM
9:35 AM
PM.....I've been hearing so much about the bird flu here not really being gone......so Alhamdulillah they all died just like that. I'm not going to be replacing them until summer at least.
Phone calls.....you know PM...I am such a fair person, that I'd never ask her to call when he's at home, if I didn't ask myself for the same first. Alhamdulillah.....I NEVER CALL HIM WHEN HE"S AT HER HOUSE......the most I may have done....after his working hours, is to send him an emergency text message that couldn't be avoided. I mean...I could count even those on one hand and still have a couple of fingers. I've exhausted every possibility with this problem...brought it up nicely....brought it with meanness.....u name it....I've done it. Really. From the rare occasions that I have even spoken to her....which was a LOOONG time ago......I even asked her to please not call during the hours he's at home. I told her that it upsets our whole family.....and she promised me she wouldn't.....and then said..."But I'd never ask the same of you.....you call him anytime you want." Needless to say, I didn't take her up on it. And just as needlessly.....she's found EVERY possible occasion to call him.....u know.....just thinking now.....that one time when she was freaking out on the phone in Canada.....after she called like the 5th time....I reminded her that I asked her to please respect my personal time with my hubby and not call. She acted dumb and said she couldn't understand me.....that's posted somewheres here. Afterwards, when she'd call, if I'd answer....she'd hang up. So mature.
Anyways....I guess all that is in explanation......but this time I will take drastic measures if need be. I don't want the kids to be hurt.
10:32 AM
I am slightly getting hooked to reading your blog but i am somewhat curious deep down inside why a husband who has kids and a good relationship with his wife, like you said he had with you, would go marry another.
Im assuming you guys kept putting the spice in your marriage and you and him both kept up physically in terms of looks for eachother. So what did it? I just can't get it.
I know its halal but im still wondering what was the ingredient that made your husband wana go marry someone else or even stand around for her advances. I think only you can know the answer to that, no one else.
11:07 AM
Yes, then, I would say take whatever measures you need to take. Clearly it is simply a manipulative tool for her (as I am convinced it was for my STBEH's FW) and being the only one to behave decently isn't getting you anywhere.
Glad to hear you'r not going to replace the birds at this point. According to the news there have been 10 deaths in Egypt this far. Stay away from those avians, Safa, especially while pregnant.
Salaam Alaikum,
PM
11:19 AM
subhan allah safa.. the first thing i do every day is check your blog to see how you are doing.. you are in my prayers... you will make it through this difficult time because you have so many people in this world rooting for you!!
11:23 AM
Well it seems to me like you should have bought medicine for you chickens and not your BUTT! I love you and I know even though you say the vinegar is not there....its there and so is your new found color blindness....And you tell hubster if he hurts my babies I will make a sudden trip to wherever he is and kick him in the knees.....
11:28 AM
Ok I must have missed a post of PM's where she refers o her ex as STBEH. I have pondered and tried to figure out what the heck that means. Here is what I have gotten STBEH= Stupid Bitch Ex Husband.
1:23 PM
Your husbands visit clearly has no barakah.
2:19 PM
Hey there Anonymous.....what was the ingredient that made my husband look somewhere else and stand for the advances? Oh, I know what it was....it's called ABSENCE. I've been in Egypt for 6 yrs now, while he has travelled back and forth every few months. Of course, in those six yrs, I've just gone to Canada the one time, preferring the life here in Egypt with my kids. I suppose that's a mistake on my part....if I would have kept myself popping into canada from time to time...maybe some people would have realized that he had a real live wife and children. SubhanAllah!
But that's what I believe to have been the killer....and to prove it.....in the 10 yrs of marriage, before those 6 yrs, he never EVER expressed a desire to marry another wife, and neither did he even talk to women......it was discussed, in the islamic point of it....but never was discussed as a reality.
Thanks so much, Jilbabble....that was nice to hear today....
UmmAbdur-Rahman.....shhhhh on the color blindness! It's only temporary.....Ur so funny with a kick to the knees....its supposed to be the shins! AND OMG, YOU!! Soon To Be Ex Husband......sometimes you are just shocking......and I guess I love you all the more for it.......
4:15 PM
Salamu alaykum Safa,
It must be insecurity making the 2nd wife call your house constantly when he's with you. She doesn't want him to forget about her. I used to have that problem - subhanallah! And I too did it also to annoy the first wife especially if she'd done something to annoy me. Yes woman can be catty and vengeful. He or she would just take the phone off the hook to get me back!
5:36 PM
oh I get it I seriously didn't know about the STBEH....I struggled with it for days and that is all I came up with...I swear....See I told you I was dumb...
6:15 PM
Hey Folks and Safa--PLEASE dont shoot the messenger, BUT I have it on good authority (meaning people who have seen it first hand) that not only do Morrocan women LOVE Egyptian men, they are heavily into black magic. Isnt your co-wifey Morrocan? Perhaps she's sending some "vibes" your way before hubster arrives? Maybe your dh needs to be exorcised or something? I know this sounds goofy--but what you describe happening around you--always before or during his visits is some reallllll scary stuff! I would burn incense and have the Quran playing 24/7. And make lots of du'ah at fajr and maghrib time. And my first thought was the same as yours--first time she phones, throw the d#$% thing from the balcony. I would be furious since it seems MM cant play by the rules. I hope things get better for you, I really do. Sending GOOD vibes, thoughts and du'ahs your way.
1:15 AM
Hey Safa, pull off a WillitBlend moment on his cellphone >:D
http://www.willitblend.com/videos.aspx?type=unsafe&video=crowbar LOL
2:10 AM
you know relief....you brought something to my eyes that I never even considered. I just can't see why she'd feel insecure? I mean...I can see it, but I can't understand it. I know when we went to Canada she was freaking out, and I couldn't understand that either.
I guess how I look at it is like this. She ASKED him to marry her, knowing he's married with kids....she KNOWS she's gonna be a second wife...so what on EARTH could her problem be? But to be fair....I'm sure that the reality is much harder than the theory. Thanks for bringing up that point.....I think you've hit the nail right on the head. Especially that since I've asked her twice to respect our private time, and all she does call all the more.
Grateful.....yeah, I know all about Morrocan black magic....and have brought up the point to my hubby several times. He's completely confident that he's not subjected to any form of sihr. Which is all the more scary for me.
Just one little thing...maybe new to u, but I've said it before.....
She sent saffron with my hubby just before she married him, and instructed him that he was to give it to me, I was to put some saffron in warm water until the saffron released it's color...then I'm to pray Fajr prayer and drop droplets of this water into my right nostril...then I'm to ask Allah to give me a son, and he will. SubhanAllah.
I didn't do it....of course.....and I was furious at my hubby bringing something like that into our home.....considering this is totally unheard of in our deen. And come to think of it...I never did believe that it was something to let you have a boy.....it was prolly a curse to kill me off quick! Allahu alem!
12:17 PM
OMG Safa--Please tell me you got rid of that stuff??? The safron I mean. If you still have it--BURN it. Now you gave me an idea for another post. I'm behind already on ideas from you--haha--but I think I am gonna do this magic one right now!!! And it wouldnt hurt for you to discuss this whole thing with a Sheikh--maybe your dh really does need some intervention!!!
3:06 PM
WTF does Islam have to do with magic?
Beyond that, a little common sense. You are the mother of 4 of his children. A fifth on the way. Under *normal* circumstances I would say that you deserve a whole lot better than this and to get OUT (any person deserves more respect than this), but you are the mother of these children, and their welfare must be a prioroty, plus from what I can gather you have not had any experience of *really* being on your own. So simply *dumping* him might not be such a smart option, esp considering he continues to pay the bills which is no small thing. Bills are a fact on the ground.
So this is my advice; erase her from your mind. If she calls, just leave the room. Better yet, just get in the car and leave the house. Refuse to speak of her with your husband, that is refuse to acknowlege that she is real. He may not be there for you (and believe me, I understand how painful that is) but at least on some level he is there for your kids. Focus on that. Talk to him about them. About their dreams, what you dream for them etc etc.
If they let him have it over "her" - disengage. Let them (in fact honor it) have and speak their truth. Whatever you do, do not protect him from the pain that he has inflicted on them.
One more thing: tell them, teach them that the way that they can avoid the pain that you are experiencing with him is through education. If they have a degree, a profession, they will be much less likely to be a victim of what you have been forced to endure.
You are a wife and a mother, but being a mother has to trump the wife part simply because your children are helpless in this situation and he is not.
But above all, if you exile her from your house in every way possible (by which I mean, don't engage with the drama), whatever *magic* she is trying to attack you with will be null and void. Render her invisible. She is nothing.
Another little bit of advice. Begin to plan for *if what*. Sign up for an online university degree (there are lots in the US) and just plug away at it. It is a long slow process but I think you will need it someday.
I am making dua for you sister, I know in my heart that you deserve much better than this. All women do.
~anon from nyc
8:27 PM
hey i just wanted to let you know that i hav been reading you blog for a while and at da risk of pain it has made me be grateful to Allah for alot of things i oterhwise take for granted
i just want to let you know that you are in my prayers and this is probably a test and if not in dis world you say WILL be rewarded in the hereafter
the chicken part i feel, sometimes they when an animal dies in da house its usually cos the animal takes some incoming misfortune upon itself instead of lettin it in da house. It happened to my cousins when she got a high fever and wasnt recovering and then the chickens died in their house she became better.
so maybe its not all too bad a sign maybe. Although we cant accuse another muslim of blackmagic even if she is doing something not only is it haram, but even if its causing you harm its the will of ALlah to let black magic effect you. Otherwise black magic is not the solution to everythin. Our Prophet got effected by it to and that is wen the 4 Kul (surahs starting with Kul were said to protect you from all evil) so you read dat and tech your kids to read it 3 times in da morning and evening
other then that you can ask and imam to read Surah Bakara 10 times on a water and sprinkle that water on the 4 corners of the house itll Inshallah keep your house protected
with love and prayers. takecare
6:29 AM
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