HEY! HEY! HEY!
Well, here's something for you guys to think about. My kids were watching Fat Albert today. I've seen it a few times, so I was really watching it with them....just breezing by every so often. But as it was getting close to the end of it, I finally sat down to see it. It was at the part where Fat Albert is supposed to jump back in the TV, but says he has to go help Doris keep her confidence before he can go back. It may mean his death....becoming nothing but celluloid dust. So they show Doris about to start a relay race, and for the first time, she's going to be the anchor....the last runner. Doris doesn't feel she's up to it, but one of the other runners tells her that it was Fat Albert's idea and that she can do it. Anyways.....it's this particular part about the race that got to me. Doris gets the baton, and she's running....but she starts to slowly fall back......and Fat Albert runs outta nowhere and tells her to "COME ON!!" She yells for him to get outta the way, and with a burst of newfound confidence, she wins the race. YAY! Now can you believe that silly old me....I cried when she won. LOL! It's silly, I know.....but I liked it that she won.
So I was thinking about this race....she had the ability to win, but lacked the confidence....and when she was running, when she started falling behind.....she could have lost and was ready to. I somehow, liken that to me. I feel like I'm the one in a race. Am I willing to lose? Am I willing to try to win?
Sometimes I feel like I am ready to give in the towel and say SCREW IT! Who needs a husband? Who needs the pain of love? We won't die if I take my stuff and leave....the girls and I will make it.
So I start that weirdo thinking, and then I remember what my goal is. I remember what I want for my girls and say to myself....I have to give it a chance to be right for them. I owe them that.
So anyways....whether not I shall be successful and have a great ending to my own little movie....only Allah knows. I'm not holding out for perfection.....I'm holding out for Allah's promise of ease. Insha Allah it will come.
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I have been spending time thinking here and there. Funny how I'm really not interesting in getting things so cleaned up. LOL! I'm working on it. My ducks are sick.....I went to the veterinarian today and he gave me some medicine for them. It's so funny talking to a DR about ur BUTT.....which of course is arabic for ducks...LOL!! My BUTT is sick! I need some medicine for my BUTT! LOLOL......even my 14 yr old was laughing about it. We got the medicine, and I'm hoping that they get better. The lamb looks in good health tho....masha Allah....running around!
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Today my 11 yr old daughter confided to me that inside she blames me for her father getting married again. Sigh. I can't tell you how much that hurts. Hurts for me to have to hear her say it....hurts for me being put in that position by my husbands secrets. We just talked about it....although I didn't address it.....I think I'll leave it for my husband to deal with. I don't want to cry about it.
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I got a flat tire on the car today....JEEZ! And something else is wrong with it.......I HATE CAR TROUBLE!!!
posted by Safa at 9:48 AM
5 Comments:
Salaam,
Safa when your young things seem simple and clear-cut. I know it may hurt, what your little one said, but when she grows up she'll realise that things were different. Being young, everything seems black and white, but as you grow up you learn the truth behind everything. Inshallah that day will come. For now you continue to be the brilliant mum you are- mashallah, even if in the eyes of ur children you are the baddie, in the long run they will appreciate you for it.
smee
10:53 AM
Dear Safa,
I think any of your daughters blaming you smacks of something they are being fed by someone else. I am not saying it is their father, maybe his family, who knows? But this just does not seem the typical response for a child who has witnessed her mother struggle through what you have had to. And don't forget that this Arab culture we live in is quick to defend the polygynist and condemn the wives.
Just know that ultimately they WILL see the situation for all its unpleasant truth. I pray all your suffering will not continue much longer.
Salaam Alaikum,
PM
12:14 PM
Absolutely. I assume you realise that, but it hurts nonetheless.
Good luck with your tire, and your butt!
1:14 PM
Not reading comment as there is only one as I write this.
You know you are going to get a lot of flack on this post don't you.
Just know you have your reasons for holding it together. I can't tell you the pain that comes when you cut it off. It hurts like someone drives a stake through your heart and starts twisting while laughing in your face. It really hurts the big D if you can avoid it do so, because it hurts. I don't think that it is even easy for relationships where there is substantial pain and or abuse involved.
Just know I accept your decisions for what they are,and I hope for the best for you and your girls.
7:01 PM
I know that my daughter saying that isn't fed by anyone.....oh boy....if it was I could narrow the list down, because no one is really talking to us anymore!! I know that the visit with my hubby here in Egypt, before we were in Canada...back some time in June/July......my hubby was complaining about me to her. This was the horrible visit from hell, where he hadn't come for 4 mos, then came only to stay a month and we fought almost constantly. I was terrible.....I didn't do hardly anything....not even cooking. So I think that based on his complaining, (which we also fought about at the time, a 10 yr old doesn't have to deal with HIS problems!) it's how she's come to her conclusions. When hubby is here, I will tell him she blames me...and make him go make good with her. Or tell me the truth? Ahhhhh......but wouldn't it just be so much easier for him if he could just say its my fault?
Insha Allah, when she grows up, she'll understand better.....may Allah grant her peace in her soul....ameen.
9:34 PM
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