An apology

I want to go back to when I was in grade 9.....close your eyes and think back with me......sort thru all those filing boxes in mind.....look for HIGH SCHOOL.....and come on! Let's open it up! Are you with me?

Well, opening up this box recently reminded me of some things. My best friend and I were lucky enough to be in some of the same classes...best friends since grade 4....we were overwhelmed with the size of the high school. Now her and I had always been a loud, outspoken pair of girls, who like a good laugh and were quite friendly. We hit it off fast with a lot of other ninth graders and made a quick group of friends. Now I had english without my best friend and always spent some time chatting with her at my locker until we had to go to our next classes. It was in my english class that I met this girl. She was a mousey looking girl...didn't talk much, of no particular talent, regular old clothes that looked like they came from Bargain Harolds, (remember that store?) and she sat in the seat beside me. I ended up being her partner too many times worth mentioning.....but to be honest...I didn't take much notice of this girl. She was a nobody.

She really liked me, tho. I remember the first time she came to my locker before class while I was chatting to my buddy, and she's like....Ummm....if you want I'll take ur books over to class for you while ur talking? And I'd be like...okay? And sure enough...she'd go and bring them to the class and put them on my desk....our desk. At first it was weird, but hey? She could do that if she wanted to.....so I used to let her. She started doing it regularly, and instead of it being a favour....it became my right. Next thing u know...she started something else weird.......she'd bring my books to class.....and then go and stand outside the door and wait for me to come. Then she'd walk in with me, like we'd been walking together and we'd go sit down. It was freaky......and I used to joke to my buddy that she'd make a great pet dog. She carries my books, and she stays when I tell her to. SubhanAllah.

Then she got a job at Burger King which wasn't too far from the high school. Me and best buddy didn't live far from there, so it was a regular drop in place for us. When she got that job...when we'd order our food, she'd give us extra stuff. Fill up our fries to overflowing, extra cheese on the burgers, kids treats.......always extras. I have no idea why she was so nice to me.......and I NEVER repaid that kindness.

I took it from her like a greedy person that cannot be satisfied. I never demanded it of her, but I never appreciated it of her. I never asked to carry her books, I never waited for her outside the class, I never called her, I never talked to her in the hall, I never ate lunch with her, I never thanked her for the free stuff, and I never really cared about her existance.

And you know what bothers me about her now? After all these years? What? 21 years or so? So long....so, so long.

I can't remember her name. And sometimes I sit and think about her....and say to myself...who was she? Did she exist? What was her name? Shame on you, Safa! She did all that, at least you can put her face with a name! Don't tell me she was so non existant that you can't remember her name? Doesn't all her effort, all her caring warrant that you would REMEMBER her? Anything? Maybe just the first letter? Anything?

Nothing.

I can't remember her name.

I'm so sorry about that. You were nice to me, and asked absolutely nothing in return, you were even more than nice to me...you were accomodating and caring and particular about your treatment of me. And I was not worthy of the effort you put into it. I'm so sorry. Some people pray to have friends like that.....and I had you, and couldn't care less.

So if you are out there, somewhere in the cyber world, and you happen upon this post and wonder if it's about you...just maybe it is. It really could be you.

Accept my apology, please?