Ur right....they are baby steps......
Well look what happened. This morning in the fajr, the phone rings. I got up and looked at the call display.....it's someone calling from overseas with a calling card. So I think about it...take a deep breath and then answer.
(Although it's a sore point, I almost have to fight with my hubby to call me from his home...he gets home from work tired and doesn't feel to. So for him to be calling two days in a row from the house is a little less than amazing!!)
It's my hubby. So he asks if I'm still sleeping. Told him I was having a weird dream. He asked me and the 3 yr old to come to Canada, and I took the passport of the 14 yr old by mistake.....blah blah blah......so he told me I think too much. So I said to him.....this is a first...you calling me two days in a row from the house, what's the occasion? So he says, I was thinking about you all day....and you sorta scared me yesterday when you said you didn't want to talk to me. So I answered him...If it wasn't for the fact that you called at this time, I wasn't going to answer. And he's like....What?....so I told him....I'm serious about what I said, I really don't feel that talking to you is helping me....but I'm happy that you called me from home again, that's nice.
So we proceeded to have a civil conversation, talked about kids, school...nothing of really any importance. But see what a little effort does? I hope he sees that. When he calls me from home, there are no interruptions, and we have an actual conversation. It felt good.
A little minor point here.....he only calls me from home if MM isn't around. So that means, today is the 3rd day she's at her own apt. Somehow that makes me feel good. What does it mean? I figure it's really not a real marriage.....I know my hubby.....and living apart is not the way to make a foundation for a real marriage.
Anyways....I think I did a good thing by answering him at this time.....cuz him calling me from home, shows me he's making an effort. But should he call again today from the store....I won't talk.....I'll pass it up. I'm going to stick to that. I didn't expect to have a reaction so soon......
posted by Safa at 7:44 PM
7 Comments:
asalamu alaikum
safa im happy that things are looking up for u. it seems that your hubby is now taking u serious cos he knows u mean bussiness.
keep it up. insha allah it wont be long now.
a word of caution: dont give too much too soon. sometimes one gets so caught up in the moment n so overwhelmed by whats happening that we lose sight of reality. make sure that u get what u are rightfully entitled to
safa i need to ask u something. please dont get mad, but i need to know. Are u willing to accept your hubby back into your life, even if it means its not over with him and MM. what if he wants to come back to egypt with MM or u and the kids move to canada and he divides his time equally between u and MM. are u prepared to accpet that. can u handle that? or would u rather that MM is out of the equation.
11:10 PM
Asalaam Alakium Safa
I am glad that you told your husband how you felt. Is it me or does all Egyptian men have this shocked reaction when we tell them things that have been on our minds? I know my husband pulls that every once in awhile and I give him the look of "Don't even go there." lol.
I am glad that you know what you want now and are sticking to it. It will show to him that you are not some doormat for him to tread on whenever he feels like it.
How do you feel about your 3 yr old going to Canada? Have you ever had any of your kids go there without you? And what is up with him and MM? Doesn't look good to me. Maybe he is finally figuring out that MM is not the person for him.
I think about you and pray for you often. When I get back to Egypt, we should get together!
Love and lots of hugs!
Layla
6:55 AM
Queenie....about MM....I'm sorry to say, that I can't handle having her in my hubby's life. She has already been a source of fitna for me, and I haven't even met her. The very first gift she sent to me with my husband was a douche! Can you believe it? But I saw enough by what she sent with hubby, when I was in Canada, and I refused to meet her. She was difficult on the phone, and doesn't respect my alone time with my hubby. Just like the Prophet would not let Ali marry on Fatima with the daughter of a known kuffar....I will not allow myself to be put together in the same marriage as her. I won't go as far as to say what's on my mind...but it won't work if she is going to be in his life.....of course....Allahu Alem! When I was in Canada, I gave up my own rights for my hubby to please MM....she was not appreciative or understanding of the great sadaqah that I gave to her. SubhanAllah...
Layla: I wouldn't feel good about any of the kids going to Canada without me.....I don't think the MM situation is working out well....Apparently he called his brother her and said she's driving him nuts.....I can't say I'm sad about that......he didn't pick her for her deen......she was a jeans and blow dry hair girl, before he married her.
You can come to my place anytime!
8:40 AM
As-salaamu Alaykum, sweety. It's me Muslim Mommie. Long time no see. LOL. I'm back, while i haven't been on blogger I haven't forgotten about about you. I've been making dua for us and the other sweet sisters as well. Any way it feels good to be back. Al- humdullilah you sound well and at ease. Be back soon, insha-Allah.
P.S. How are the girls? And does the cute displayey thingy up there mean that your pregnant? I justed wanted to make sure. If so, I'm so excited for you and the family. And if not, I'll still be excited ;)
10:26 AM
Assalamu Alaikoum, You make a good point about not allowing yourself to be put together in the same marriage as someone that you cannot respect in any way.
The following is a hypothetical statement relating not to your marriage or mine, but in some polygynous situations you would be very worried about the chastity of the other person involved. It is wrong to make judgements or have too many suspicions about people i know, but when your own health is potentially at risk, it is reasonable. I bring this up only because it is a reason why our husbands choice of co-wife does affect us...it is sometimes not the polygyny that's the problem but the other person involved.
6:09 PM
safa have u told ur hubby your feelings about this. does he know that u will not take him back, unless MM is no longer a part of his life. Is he clear on that issue. cos when u were in Canada u did accomodate her n give up your rights which she never appreciated. im just worried that u may be thinking one thing, n hubby thinking something else
recall when u said that the Sheik had said hubby had 3 options
1. bring u nad the kids to canada
2. bring MM to egypt n divide his time equally
3. divorce one of u
so i guess from what u saying now. 1 and 2 are no longer options for u. your position is that he has to divorce MM if he wants to continue his marriage with u.
safa, i dont mean to stress u out here. im just need clarity thats all.
cos all this time ive been thinking that u were opting for getting equal treatment i.e he should divide his time equally between u and MM
9:19 PM
# 1 works for us because it's a temporary solution. Egypt is where we want to raise our kids, so if I was on my way to Canada, it would only be for as long as it takes him to get home. So if I had to deal with MM in that time, I would be a good example......but as soon as we are on our way to Egypt again.....I don't expect her to be tagging along. You see, MM has kids which her husband has custody of....she's thinking that my hubby will never leave Canada, she's wrong. So there will come a time, when he's leaving and she's going to be stuck in a corner. Either she comes, or she lets him go. If she comes to Egypt, she gives up her kids....she won't see them and he will definately tell her he doesn't know when he can send her back. Personally, I don't think it'll come to that. My hubby is/was? Supporting her in her court case trying to win custody of those kids...joint custody...anything. And when it comes down to it....I don't think he'd make her chose between him and her kids. Allahu Alem. While we are stuck in this situation...I need equal time. Which I am not getting and don't see getting any time soon. It makes me sick. I have never come outright and told hubby that if MM comes with him, I'm leaving. I think I've hinted to it enough, even to the point of saying....I really don't like being in a polygynous marriage and will not live the rest of my life as part of one.
There are some points of his marriage to her, as he's told me from the beginning, where he only wanted to help her get on her feet. Some of it, I believe, I mean....look at them now, not even living together and her managing her life.....that's a far cry to the person that I understood her to be over a year ago..married to a domineering controlling husband who used to even abuse her physically. That man divorced her for the 3rd time, kept hounding her, tried to rape her.......and my husband stepped in. And it seems that slowly, as she gains independance, he's stepping out.
I'm in no way supportive of his doing this, his means, his unfairness.....but I am supportive of an ending to this........
4:20 AM
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