mutterings and other intelligables.....

I need to talk.

I just want to get things off my chest that are bothering me. Believe it or not, they are more than just the polygyny. Yes, that's one of the things that's creeping up my spine, but I'm also dealing with a number of other side issues at the moment.

Among them is my hubby's dealing with a request of his oldest daughter, which he refused. Only to grant the same request to the 11 yr old a week later. When I spoke up about it, he got upset. But I stood my ground and told him I was not going out at 8pm at night in the middle of winter, with a child who just got out of the bath, and to wake the 3 yr old who was sleeping, to grant a request from his daughter that had no priority at that time. He got upset....let him. He can "walaa fee nafsoo". (literally means burn himself up) Everything in the right time....and this one could wait.

Another thing is my BIL downstairs.......he forgot to put money in the bank. R U KIDDING? How the hell can u forget something like that?

Last thing, needs explaining. One of the BIL's in Cairo is totally ignoring our existance. Well, 2 of them.....but the first one is the instigator. So anyways...before I left to go to Canada....I called that BIL and told him that I was leaving...I spoke to him and his wife. They went on about don't do this, don't do that.....blah blah blah....like they were suddenly my best friends. So I get back from Canada, and they don't even call me. Nothing. Ramadan comes...nothing. Eid comes....NOTHING. Which is totally unusual. I mean...ok....I could have just picked up the phone when I got back and told them...HEY! I got back. But I didn't......if they didn't want to talk to me, I was okay with that. But Eid was really unusual. They come EVERY Eid......not this one....no visit, no call. Okay, I can live with that. So BIL's son gets engaged......he calls the whole family and tells them.....then calls again to tell them they are throwing a huge party at a country club in Cairo. But doesn't call me. Well, 2 days ago...he finally got around to it. The conversation went like this....

Assalaamu alaikum, Safa...how are you?

alhamdulillah.

Well, of course you already know that my son got engaged.....

Yes, I heard. Mabrook!

We are making the engagement party in the country club, of course you wouldn't know it or how to get there...so you have a choice....come with BIL downstairs....or come to our house and leave with us.

Okay, insha Allah.

And it's on Wednesday. I know you don't have any tutors on Wednesday, right?

right.

Okay then, we are expecting you.


That's an invitation? Honestly? I think they were pushed to invite me. It was the right thing to do. But my dilmemna? I don't want to go. PUHLEASE! They don't even want me to go. Obviously. Since I came back from Canada I don't exist, my kids don't count....why the heck should I go? I've had problems with this family before. With their girls disrespecting me........ignoring me so they don't have to say salaam to me. (Their 2 girls are 22 and 24 yrs old!!) They've even stopped calling me "Tante Safa"....now they just call me Safa.......which is major disrespect here, but they act like they don't mean it. What's their problem? This family is known for this behaviour tho....when they love you...they LOVE you....and when they don't...they DON'T.

So I've come to the conclusion.....that I have enough difficulties in my life....and that dealing with them isn't among those. My husband is accountable before Allah about his family and his treatment of them....but I am not. Of course they have rights on me......and I'm willing to fulfill those.....but I can chose who I like and who I don't.....and I just don't like them. BTW, it's not my BIL that I don't like. He's very kind and generous...but his wife is aggressive and domineering...and what she says...GOES. For him and her kids. She rules her roost. And if I never had to deal with her for the rest of my life, I wouldn't be sad. She's backbiting me against everyone, and actually getting others to follow their lead. (the cdn BIL) It's sad.

So anyways. I'm not going to the engagement party. I know that it'll be a blow......and that it'll prolly cause waves.....but you know? I'm finished with them. They aren't acting like family with me.....not even aquaintances. So I'm done with them. I'll prolly send the two older girls....and a gift. As well as some lame excuse as to my absence. Whatever. But don't ask me to go, put on my hypocrite face...let them smile at me and say how much they've missed me.....no thanks. No.

So you see? I need to talk to my hubby. Get all these things off my chest so that I can finally get that deep breathe of air. But it's not happening. He called today from the store....I asked him if anything interesting went on yesterday. He was mildly concerned...he's like..why? So I says.....just asking. And he says...nothing. So I question further....and I find out that he spent the night alone in his apt and hasn't seen MM since Friday. Wow. I wasn't expecting that. It was their anniversary. But before I could talk...he had to call me back cuz he was at work....and something just came up. So I sat and waited....he called 10 mins later.....and when I started again....he had to hang up again. So now I sit here fuming.....all worked up.....frustrated......and I'm thinking he'll prolly not call back. Prolly say to himself...she's prolly going to bed now anyways...I'll call her tomorrow. And what will I do? I'll lie in bed, thinking, thinking, thinking...until finally I'll fall into a restless sleep. Oh joy.

So you see...there's more going on than just the polygyny. I'm so ready to call it quits.....I can feel the tension in my veins........feel the fuzziness in my brain starting to become clear......LOLOL!! I'm about to step over something......I don't know what it is.....but I feel it coming.......and you know what?

I need to talk.

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Here's a little side development....my hubby finally called....it was very difficult to talk to him....he called, got busy, hung up...called 10 mins later, got busy, hung up, called 15 mins later....and the line somehow disconnected. SHEESH! He didn't call back. So I was worried he thought I hung up or something. Then surprise, surprise...he called me at fajr time from his own apartment........alone. He didn't celebrate his anniversary, and hasn't seen MM since Friday. Not that was what I wanted, she has her rights.......but somehow, it gives me more of a feel for their barely existing relationship. He spent Sat and Sun night alone in his own place. What the hell is his perogative with her then? Why not just end it all and get on with his own life? But again, that's his own decision......I'm sure he has something he's waiting for..... So anyways, we talked. Thing is.....we pretty much come to a dead end these days. Don't really know what to say to each other.....he's not comforting......he's not encouraging.......I'm not supportive and continue to demand my rights. It falls on deaf ears, cuz he's in a SITUATION. JEEZ! Anyways....again I said some stuff......told him I can't even remember what he smells like anymore......and that I've forgotten who I am. I also said something I was planning to say for quite awhile. I told him that talking to him is stressing me out, just as I'm sure that when he talks to me I must be stressing him. So I said, in the interests of finding myself and getting myself on track...that I won't be talking to him for awhile. It's too much stress and I need to focus. I told him if he'd like to call us in Eid, I'll prolly talk to him then. He started making dua and stuff......and was quiet.....and then told me to get up and wash my face, without addressing the issue. But I plan to stand by it. And next time he calls, I'll be sure the kids answer the phone....they'll talk to him. Should he ask for me, I'll have someone tell him that I'll talk to him later. He'll get the picture. I mean to stand by this.

So that's where it's at. I confirmed that I'm not going to the engagement party. He's okay with that. I'm not even sending any of the girls like I had planned. I was going to send some money....but he vetoed that as well. Now if I could only get my hands on some money!!!!! HAHAHA!! I'm expecting it today........

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Oh, here's something funny. This young kid comes to fix my cable....the reception was all grainy. So while he's checking the cords and stuff, my 14 yr old notices that he's wearing his sweater inside out. She comes and whispers in my ear....and sure enough.....I go look.....and you can see the tag at the back. LOLOLOL!!! I mean...this kid has to be about 20 yrs old. And I'm thinking...Awwwww.....Mommy didn't dress him today! LOLOL!! So anyways....he gets the problem fixed...and before he leaves I say to him....BTW, ur sweater is on inside out. He says to me...No it's not, it just looks that way. So I answer him...Oh, I see, so the tag is supposed to be halfway down ur neck from the back? So he sticks his hand behind his neck, grabs the tag and turns 10 shades of red, LOLOL!! And says...well, I was in a hurry this morning. So I tell him, now you know, I wouldn't want you spending ur day like that. So he leaves. 2 seconds later I tell my 14 yr old....U KNOW, he's changing his sweater around in the stairs! So she runs over quick and peeps thru the peephole....and comes back holding her mouth and giggling away. YUP! He was changing his sweater around!! And to top it all of...he had a pair of plyers with him, so when he went to change the sweater, he put the pliers on the railing in front of my door. I guess he got halfway down the stairs when he realized he wasn't holding them anymore, so up he trudged again, rang our doorbell and asked for the pliers....saying he left them inside. My daughter pointed to them on the railing. He looked over......blushed again.....took them and left. Poor kid! LOLOLOL!!!