This sitemeter is new to me. It sure does tell a whole lot more than blogpatrol. I don't think it gives you blog hits tho. Unless I just haven't found that part of it yet. But if any of you have blogpatrol on ur site.....I'd go with adding the sitemeter. It's interesting. Just today, someone spent 2 hours and 24 minutes reading my blog. They read thru 14 pages of it............subhanAllah. I wonder what they walked away with? I wonder if possibly they are in a situation, and they found my diary of sorts....and just maybe....found a little comfort? I don't think that my blog is at all comforting, I don't give any magical solutions, I don't quote enough hadith, but possibly, it gives some solace, you know? You read it and say....MY GOD! I'M NOT ALONE! Or, I feel JUST LIKE THAT!

When I started this blog, there was absolutely NOTHING on the internet that helped me. NOTHING. The only thing that I read that I felt that I could identify with was Coping with Polygamy; a first wife's perspective. I had found it somehow.....and yet, I needed some interaction. Maybe this was just a dinosaur web site, the bones still visible. I needed interaction. I joined yahoo groups....I found 3 dealing with muslim polygyny.....for sisters only. I joined all three. Yes, it helped. I introduced myself, and talked a little. Not much. But this one sister....mashaAllah. She emailed me off group and really wanted to befriend me. She was hurting just as bad as I was, and was needing someone to talk her thru it...just as I did. We chatted, we emailed, we even spoke on the phone. I love this sister. She got me out of the hump of my sorrow when I really had no one else. May Allah bless her, ameen. Well, she got the idea to blog and started her own. I was right behind her and met Ummabdurrahman. Masha Allah. I love her, too.

It seems ages ago that all this started, but in reality, we are talking more like 10 mos. Since those days, bloggers have come and go. Adding their little bit of poly history to the web, some just leaving their blogs behind, others deleting them. Each one of those sisters have touched my heart. When a new blog comes around, I think....alhamdulillah. Another place for someone to go. Another shelter, even if just for a little while. I don't know if any of you know how frustrating it can be to need something...and come up empty! Imagine a sickness, that you describe to others, and all they can tell you is...I think I've heard of that, but I don't know how to manage it. Then you look online, and all you can find is vague references in theory, but no reality anywhere.

Polygyny is a reality.

So when I saw on that sitemeter that it said someone in the states was reading my blog for over 2 hours. It made me happy. Did you find what you were looking for? I would love to re read my blog and cut myself from my body, so that I wouldn't feel anything when I read it. What would I think? Maybe I'd be yelling at my computer screen..."WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR SWEETHEART! GET ON THE NEXT EXPRESS TRAIN!!!!" LOL! Maybe something worse.

It's been quite the journey to this point. Many ups and downs....and down-downs. (I don't think there's farther down than that) But who knows? I'm not at the end yet. I'm not even in the middle. I'm nowhere near that comfortable point, either. I am just existing. Sort of on this plateau, stuck. Not sure how to move, or if it's even possible. Sort of reminds me of HA, who once said.....there's really no choice for her to make. Is that where I am right now? At this waiting area, wondering what's going to happen next? Yes, I think I am.

I have two things to wait for. The birth of the child, and then summer. When the kids finish school. And if I am still here....oh GOD, if I am still in this....then thats when choices to be made, will be made. Thats the day that I become Kafira's SAFA ALPHA. Ohhh, I wonder if she exists? YOU WHO! INSIDE SAFA....is there an ALPHA in there? Just a lot of echoing.

So anyways......I guess this has turned into somewhat of a ramble.....and it always does.....hey! It's MY blog, I can ramble if I want to!

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I found a book of my 14 yr olds...and when I was flipping thru it, I found it to be poetry. I'm going to post some of them.