I wanna dream....of the end.....

Listen what happened...........I went to the villa at 8:15 pm to pick up the chestnuts and the pumpkin. I got the maid to put it in my new restaurant oven....can you smell the chestnuts? The maid and her husband have never seen chestnuts before....can't say they were to impressed with them when they were done...LOLOL!! Ahhhh well. You know, I sleep pretty early.....about 9:15 pm tops...so I knew that I was going to be getting to bed late tonight. LOL! So anyways.....while we are at the villa....the 14 yr old and I.....my hubby calls. So I talked to him for a short bit, and then he talked to his daughter. He was sort of surprised that we were at the villa at that time. I guess he must have called home and the kids told him where we were. (leaving an 11 yr old, 9 yr old, and 3 yr old alone in Egypt, is SOOOOO normal!!!)

So the connection got all staticy, so I had to go outside to the garden. I don't think that was good idea. I was all alone, and under the stars, under the moon, and free to say whatever I wanted. And I did. Oh, I did. We were talking about the recent divorce of a friend of his and I asked him, since we are talking about divorce, I've had something on my mind that I've wanted to ask you....Have you completely divorced Crystal? He's like, well, I've divorced her, it's over. And I'm like...okay...but could you go back to her? And he said, why would I? So I says..well, I don't want to go there, I just want to know if you've divorced her 3 times? So he says...I divorced her once and didn't take her back. It's over. Hmmmmmmmm....I said. So then I said, so when you married this wife, did you go between them both? Cuz you were married to 3 women and I was wondering if you were giving them their rights? He said that by then it was already over and he didn't go between them. So I'm like...okay.

So then he says to me....Ur really thinking hard, aren't you? And I says to him.....no, I'm not. Things just pop into my head now and then, and it's driving me crazy. So I continued, getting on a role and told him....I'm having trouble, okay? I need more than you are offering, and I'm hurting, and there's no solution, so I just feel bad and that's it. So he said to me....the end is near, don't worry. And I answered him...the end is near? What? Am I going to die, you mean? Cause you are too late...Safa is dead. No, really. She's dead, and I don't know what to do with these leftovers of her anymore. So he says to me, Do you think that helps me to hear you say that? Do you think that is the most supportive thing you could say to me right now? Do you think that doesn't bother me, for you to say that? So very seriously, I answered....I'm sorry, but I've come to the conclusion that I'm not able to support you anymore, I'm not able to be there for you anymore...I'm not what I used to be and I'm sorry, but I can barely carry myself. In fact, I told him....I don't even want to be in Egypt anymore, remember how much I loved it here? Well, I don't want to be here. So he tells me, you know my situation, you understand what is going on right now..so I says to him...yes, I understand, but understanding that is not keeping me warm at night, understanding is not cuddling me close, understanding isn't helping. Then I told him....I'm even dreaming of making love! To that he laughed and said something for me to tell him about it....and I refused. I told him it will make you jealous. How so? he asked. Because I'm not dreaming of being with you...it was someone else. (some of my closer friends know WHO i was dreaming about....LOL....and believe me....it's not JEALOUS material) So he says...WOW! But you can only sleep with me! he says. Lucky you, I answered, wish I was allowed the same courtesy. SILENCE. So then I told him, you know what? As much as I know you don't want to listen to me, but I NEED TO TALK! When you left me alone for 4 mos before, I was going crazy, and now we are approaching the third month.

So then he suddenly changes topic and says......you have to take care of your problem with Uric Acid. I want you to check the internet and follow a good diet. (I had a problem with uric acid, but it's LONG GONE)...and then he says...take ur pregnancy vitamins, maybe go for a walk everyday. Go to the villa, check the chickens, take one of the girls. And take care of yourself. Then he says, I love you and salaam.

I was basically non responsive when he was finishing up. I was thinking....I'm telling you all this, and you bring up the FREAKIN URIC ACID that I had 1 year ago? WTH? WHo knows? To be fair, maybe he had people come into his work. Maybe. Oh yeah, and I also told him that I had wanted to tell him I love him so much for a long time. But that I just couldn't get it out...and that I'm so happy that I did.

Anyhoo, I think I liked the tone of this conversation. I had a few things that I wanted to say since awhile, and haven't had the opportunity to get out. Today I did. There's really so much more that I want to say to him, that I want him to say to me. The best thing he told me this conversation? "the end is near" Ohhhhh, dare I to dream?