Look what I found.....
Just found this letter from my oldest daughter....she gave it to me last January....after she figured out what was wrong with me. She figured that her father got married....she had heard parts of our conversations over the phone.....saw me spiralling into depression.....and finally....getting in bed, and unable to get myself out of it......here's what she wrote to me on paper which she decorated with a flower border.......
Dear Mama,
Will you please go for a walk with me? If you want something from outside, we can buy it together. I could take my sister with me, but I'd like to go with you. Are you sure you don't want to go for a walk with me? I miss you.
Love, your daughter
SubhanAllah. Seems like she knew I'd say no, eh? Holding this in my hands makes me love her so much....and hurt for what I put them thru those first few weeks......
posted by Safa at 10:36 AM
7 Comments:
Maash'Allah, I have always felt that God blessed you with those daughters to make up for your other trials.
Salaam Alaikum dear,
PM
11:21 AM
You sure are right, PM. Today as my girls were sitting around me, I realized.....I'm smack in the movie Little Woman.....
4:19 PM
salamu aliakum safa
when reading this post and your previous one i got to thinking. do men really understand/care what will happen to their children?
not only does he have a "right" to have more than one wife if he can, but his children have a right over him that has nothing to do with the rights of his wife/wives. he still has to be there to love, nurture, raise, and teach his children. Allah will account men who put their desires ahead of the rights of their children/family.
He should have tried fasting rather than getting another woman because it seems he hurt his children more than he hurt you. I cannot, as a mother, even begin to understand how much you hurt for your children. You are an adult and inshaAllah can cope with your problems, but children are so fragile.
I hope that this visit will be some sort of awakening for your husband. Try to get your children to open up to their father about how they are feeling. Let them tell him how much they miss him, how hurt they were when he chose her over them for Eid. It is important not to sugarcoat it because you get full strengh crap all the time. He needs to tast a little bit of it too and possibly make a decision about what is more important.
4:33 PM
You know, ummabdurrahman......it's much worse than you all can imagine. While cleaning my room, my 11 yr old started talking to me about her future. Saying that when the time came for her to go to University, that maybe she'd study in Canada. And then she said, maybe she'd study here in Egypt, get married and then go to Canada. "But I wouldn't want to bring my husband to Canada just to ruin him, or have him be ruined."
How so? I asked her. Well, she said that she'd worry that she wouldn't fill up his eyes in Canada...(it's an arabic phrase) and that he'd be too busy looking at other things. And that there are some kinds of woman, who would work their way out to get her husband. (you know who she's talking about, right?)
I told her that if she married a religious man, maybe she wouldn't have to worry about that.....she said that it wouldn't make any difference....look at her father. Jeez. That's exactly what I was trying to avoid her saying.
So I basically told her that not all men are like her father, that there are different sort of men out there, and that should she ever marry and go live in Canada, NEVER to agree to live apart, like I did. And I said, with ur hubby constantly under ur eyes, insha Allah, you can avoid many problems.
I feel like a real rut saying that, trying to avoid the issue that she wanted to discuss, she got started on her father, but I sidetracked it.
My childrens' whole idea of a man, is based on their father. SubhanAllah!
I've had them talk to him, and they don't open up too wide. And usually it doesn't go far, cuz hubby gets defensive and pulls the..."I didn't do something haraam" excuse. Jeez!
Honestly....the solutions to all this are going to take time....but the damage is done.....when I explained it like that to my husband, he started freaking out and yelling on the phone...(a while back).....R U TELLING ME THAT MY LIFE IS RUINED NOW?
To which I answered quietly.....u've thrown a rock into a pond of still waters, when you come back to live with us, you are going to have to deal with the ripples you've made. If you call that ruined...then so it is.
(once in a rare while, I get a moment of clarity....and that is saying something)
4:43 PM
From your post, you know you are only human. Don't beat yourself up. You just do the best you can, and I think you handle this all incredibly well.
As for your response above, good for you telling your husband that and sad for your daughter thinking every guy is that way..bless her heart.
3:29 PM
Subhan-Allah. May Allah repair those relationships that have been damaged and soften the hearts that have been hardened, AAMEEN. Luv u.
4:27 PM
From the mouths of babes...
6:57 PM
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