I am a dutiful wife.........
Well, it's been a week, go figure??? Hubby got me out of the house with him for the first time yesterday. Only because he wanted to go see the eye doctor and didn't know where it was....so I had to go with him. We discussed the kids and other irrevelant issues......with me of course, playing the cool cucumber. Then on our way to drive to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription, he started with something. He says.....your attitude and your behaviour isn't helping us to work out our problems. So I says.....am I doing something wrong?? Then this is what he says....no.....not really.....but it's like you aren't doing what you used to with love...it's like you are performing a duty and it doesn't feel right. I think you've changed. Since I am not ready to talk to him about me, until he starts telling me about him.....I just sat silently and contemplative......(well, ok....the contemplative part was for show).........and we didn't say another word until we arrived home.
So, OMG.....he's actually observant!! Surprise, surprise!!! And then when we got home, on TV there was a darss with Mahmoud AL Masry....talking about how to choose a wife.......4 reasons.......and I remember when I was really mad at hubby how I told him that I hope to hell that his new wife is beautiful, cuz I can't see any other reason he'd be marrying her. (she wasn't even wearing hijab!!) So me and the kids got up and played hide and seek.....laughing and running.....till we fell down about to pee ourselves.....while hubby sat and watched.....and learned something I suppose.
So there really isn't any progress here, haven't talked.....had sex once.....(good for him).....and then for some strange reason....I got my period. I just finished 9 days ago.........I think stress screws up my system.
We are actually doing something about the villa....it needs to be renovated so we can move in.....we talked about it in detail.....(which had me close to tears remembering one of the comments about how a house u sit down and discuss....etc etc)......My hubby wants to add two extra floors on top....essentially giving us 2 or 4 apts that he says to save for the girls for later. (but he also mentioned once that my co wife would live in one of the apts)......after discussing it with the girls......everyone nixed the idea of the extra 2 floors.....and we just want to do minor renovations to move in ASAP. Hubby hasn't mentioned co wife......I basically think she's about to get her walking papers......but again, I haven't discussed it with him. He's already met with a contracter....so we are going to get some estimates and hopefully, insha ALLAH, start. That seems good.
So I now have to take my detached ASS and get on with housework and all the mundane little glories women like me have to do. HO HUM!! I'm keeping a sense of humour thru it all.....and somewhat enjoying hubbies fumbling........my kids are being 100% supportive and things are just, well.....going. No crying in the pillow for me.........
posted by Safa at 3:19 AM
7 Comments:
i've had that before: "you're not doing that because you love me, you're doing it out of duty". well yes, that's what happens if there's not much love in either direction! the dishes still have to be washed, dinner still has to be made.
you think she's gonna get her walking orders? you mean divorce? how come? what gives you that impression? well done on not giving in so far, but please remember to put your side at some point! i'd have cracked the cool cucumber impression ages ago, so you'll have to pass on the tips.
9:37 AM
Well, concerning the divorce for this woman...I'm not sure if you've got the whole story.....but the point is....that during my hubbies visit last time, he hinted that he only married this woman cuz she needed help getting her kids back. And that when she does, he refuses to raise them...and many other little "hints"....to where I told him.....why cant you say outright what ur gonna do? And he said, haram. Oh yeah! At the same time, he also mentioned that she would be living with us in the villa, that he planned on bringing her to egypt...etc etc. Mind games galore. As I understand, he has recently told two of his brothers that he will be divorcing her soon. (but hasn't told me that) Throughout the entire time they've been married....she never vacated her apt....yes she lived with my hubby, but still paid rent and kept her own place. Just about 3 weeks before Hubby arrived in Egypt...he called to tell me that she moved back to her own place. No details on circumstances, reasons or arrangements, but when I asked if they were still married, he said yes. ?? Go figure.....
I plan on having a talk with hubby......but on my own time....I'm amazingly well playing the cool cucumber here, it's my first time ever to be "cold"....I plan to drive him crazy with it first. Now another thing.....I've told my husband that I'm not living in Egypt alone anymore....so either he comes here, or we go back. He doesn't seem to want us in Canada for any reason....and has actually made steps towards coming to live with us in egypt. I plan on going over that with him as well.
Now, here's where I am going to be a bad muslim......but I cannot continue this marriage if Hubby keeps this woman and brings her to Egypt. No discussion involved. I'll be gone before he gets here. If he does divorce her, like he has hinted and comes back to live with us in Egypt, would the love be restored? Hmmmmmmm..........I'll go with # 2. I've been hurt too much to go back there.....I'd be stupid to believe and dream.....it's time I wake up and be a realist. I think I just won't take his shit anymore when he tries to manipulate me and give me all his little guilt trips. And possibly, with the help of ALLAH, we can go back to some semblance of our old lifestyle. But it has to be on my terms......I won't take anything less. I know its stubborn, but his children and I deserve that.
2:52 PM
Yes, I have laughed about the whole...."I'm a martyr, I had to marry her to help her....." LOLOLOL!! There's so much story in this......but thanks for your info........I'm aware that his 2nd marriage in Canada isn't a legal one....just a religious ceremony........it's all just so stupid.....
1:47 AM
Sis Salma said:
"Sorry to ask such a thing, but you seem to like to hear diffrences. how can his marrige help her keep kids if it is not legel in ca?
this to me seems impossable. if in fact marrige was the reason to keep kids."
I was thinking the same thing.
Alhamdulliah I am not in such a situation. My husband put in our nikka contract that "I husband volunteerly renouce my rights to a 2nd wife. Its a option not a absolute duty (Fard) and a man doesn't have to do it and can say so in the contract. I don't know why more people don't get this in writting from the start.
InshaAllah, you will be successful in whatever you decide to do.
1:55 PM
i wanted a lot of things in the marriage contract, like the right to work if I want to and so on. But when I asked zawji, he refused, saying I didn't trust him properly. so it never happened. but the thing is, if you're in a quick-marriage where meeting to nikah time is weeks or months, how can you trust someone properly? i wished i'd pushed for it now, and pushed for a proper mahr. it sounds selfish but these rules are there for protection.
9:00 AM
Salam alaikoum
I had the clause put into my nikkah too.
4:31 AM
yep........and you know what sucks even more than that?? Knowing ur rights but not being able to get them!!!
10:32 AM
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