time for some clarification...........

I was thinking last night. (be careful everyone!!) And realized that many of my friends are 2nd wives. Now although 1st wife, 2nd or even 3rd are all in the same situation......I have found from discussions, that there is a difference between us. Now, I'm not trying to single anyone out, or even make one look better than the other, I'm just trying to say that "I understand".

I really like all my friends who are 2nd wives, and have found myself, more than once, in the corner because of a difference of opinion. As well, I have found myself standing beside my sister, agreeing with them 100 %. My particular experience with polygyny is horrible, to say the least. My hubby got married to a woman who was sending him text messages on his phone declaring her love. I found those messages. She wormed her way into our lives, buying things for us, sending me presents.......while she was married to her husband. The moment she was divorced, she knew exactly what she wanted. I was never comfortable with it. I told my hubby on more than one occasion....stay away from this family.....they are moving towards us too quickly. We never make friends that quick....etc etc. It didn't help that I was in Egypt and they are in Canada. Now I have tried to divide my feelings on the matter. I am mad at the sister, for going after my husband when she knew he has a wife and children. That she was willing to marry him secretly, and even gave up her kids to be with him. Where are the principles?

But more than that.....I am MORE mad at my husband. She could never have gotten that close without him being aware of it. He's certainly not the innocent party. He's tried playing that he was cornered. That his reputation was at stake. There wasn't time to tell me. He never realized I'd be that upset. He knows he promised he'd tell me about something like that first, but there were reasons that made him keep it a secret. Sheesh.

So although I feel an aversion to this woman, I try to focus it on my husband. In the end, it was his choice, not hers. It was his secret, not hers. Who would blame her? She was in love with him and he wanted her. She had no obligation to me, he did. And he didn't fulfill it. So he is the one with whom I am angry.

I had always thought that I would be able to handle polygyny.....but what has been put in front of me is the worst example. Instead of it being something based in deen, I find it based in love and temptation. So this just makes me feel awful. It doesn't help that when I found out my husband went ahead and married this woman, that I also found out that he had been married before, too. He was married for a year, in secret. Talk about blowing apart my world, eh?

So anyways.....I just wanted to say, that there are positive aspects to polygyny. That with the right man and the right situation......that all parties could benefit from the practicing of it. I still believe that.

I know that sometimes what I write here just blows everyone away, and seems like a huge soap opera.......but I honestly need to vent. I've been suffering and can't find my way back. Since I started this BLOG, I've gained some stability, some focus. JazaakALLAHu khairan to you all, for the humour, the tears, and the fun. I've made some great friends. And best of all, I found out that I wasnt alone. I love you all.