2 of my princesses.........at the pyramids
I cried twice that day, the day we went to the pyramids..... didn't even want to go in the first place. My thoughts were all over the place, and I just couldn't look into my husbands face. How can you take this world and then just turn it upside down. You just don't know anything anymore, and start thinking, Did I ever know in the first place?
I sunk into depression and was surprised that someone as strong and stable as me could sink. I've always valued my clear headed thinking, my strength, my courage........and then suddenly I found out that I draw all those things from my husband. Did I need him to define my happiness as an individual? Was my dependancy on him that great? I've stepped back and re-evaluated some things since then. I pray that Allah answers my prayers and the prayers of all those who cry out to him in need. Ameen. I am trying to get my motivation up and working to the point where I can actually function again. I know that I'm still not out of this hole and you know what I see? That I've changed......and I'm not quite sure I like this new thing in me. I like the old me better, I was more used to it. Does this make sense at all?
I suspect I've been grieving in a way.....crying for what I had.....crying for what I have.......lots and lots of crying...........if ever I was a grape, surely by now I'm a raisin. Not even the sugar kind....just an old dried up raisin that is sometimes confused with a piece of mouse crap. HO HUM!!!!
posted by Safa at 12:48 AM
9 Comments:
if ever I was a grape, surely by now I'm a raisin.
I love that line!
I too feel sad for what I have lost as the way my life used to be and I have noticed the change in me. Not all of it is bad though. I just pray that at the end of it all that God will use that pain for something good.
I can't see the picture. =( I want to see those little princesses.
6:03 AM
salaam ukhtee..
I can't see the picture either :-(
I can definitely relate to what you said here:
"I know that I'm still not out of this hole and you know what I see? That I've changed......and I'm not quite sure I like this new thing in me. I like the old me better..."
I felt like that until recently due to some stuff that went on last year (just when I thought life couldn't never get worse then what i already experienced) and I thought I would never BE the same as before. it was like my internal emotional radio was tuned to "you lost that lovin' feelin'" and I was dedicating it to myself. except i never really closed my eyes to ever kiss my own lips.. but you know what i mean... the whole 'now it's gone, gone, gone" theme...
I guess the best thing I can say is to hang in there, sister. I will make du'a inshaa allah.
ma salaam
1:55 PM
I can soooo relate to the whole, 'now it's gone, gone, gone....' I fixed the pics, I uploaded them wrong.
3:25 AM
First things first, BEAUTIFUL girls.
Secondly, dumb question here: Do you have to be a certain age before you wear a covering on your head? (I know what it is called but for the life of me I can't think of it now.)
I'm sure I could probably find it on the internet but I'd rather ask you guys. =O)
6:52 AM
thanks, Sarah......now to answer your question and to put it really plainly and not play the "all-knowing" sister with quotes and hadith. (cause personally I just don't have the energy for it....bear with me) A girl should start wearing her scarf when she starts menstruating. That's when it becomes obligational.....before then, many girls do chose to wear it, some more seriously than others. But that's just good practice.....or faith. It's a matter of preference..........
10:05 AM
yeah.. the whole hijab (or like you say in Misr "higab) things is a hot topic for discussion.. sisters go back and forth like a hormonal ping pong match sponsored by midol over whether it is obligatory blah blah blah... kinda makes my eyes glaze when even a sister mentions it.
technically, a girl is a woman when she gets her period since she can now make babies and thus have a purpose in life. to make babies. Istaghfirallah, forgive my sarcastic and cynical voice. i just finished a long entry on my blog... allah forgive me.
so because she is a woman, technichally she has to start observing hijab. but from my experience among 'ethnic' muslims is that the choice is given to the girl.. and many many girls decide to wear it on their own at their own pace.
jilbabble's personal stance is that it is fardh(obligatory)... but it has to come from our hearts and not from our husbands or fathers. and i think other things like knowing how to pray and read qur'an, stop gossiping etc. are further up on the totem pole in what is more important.
11:48 PM
I agree with you saying that praying and reading quran and no gossiping are further up on the totem pole. But would like to open ur eyes to something......which I am sure you know....but for the sake of clarity......that technically, hijab isn't an option after a girl becomes a woman, neither is praying. If she doesn't, she is committing a major sin. Reading quran and biting your tongue aren't. I agree with you about it having to come from our hearts for Allah......but many young girls in Egpyt use your answer as a reason not to practice. Hence the ping pong match you so well described. I tell you, living in an islamic society sure opened my eyes to many things, ideas and even the cultural beliefs of Egyptian muslims. It's very hard to dissect one from the other.......
3:06 AM
btw the pics that i can now see are great! your daughters are as beautiful as their mother, mashaa allah! :-)
12:14 AM
Ty ty ty!!
3:59 AM
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