send me some rainbows........

You know.....I've been looking over some old things recently. Looking at my old emails.....between me and a good friend.......it's such sad stuff. Such emotional turmoil and pain........and I supposed I've grown......stopped the crying and tears. Medically assisted, though. (prozac) But you know what? I'm not any happier....not any surer of where I stand.

My husband has been gone over two months.....in that time....
- I've gained 30 lbs
- can't stop the emotional eating
-stopped going to the gym (it was 3X a week)
-stopped calling all my hubby's family
-only talk to a select few people....(looks like 3)

Hmmmmm........is that grown? I had that great day in Ismailia......I really needed it......and my american friend is the only person here in Egypt that I actually talk to. My house is a mess, and I really don't feel like cleaning it......or even calling the maid. I asked my hubby when he's coming.......he doesn't know that either. Still says either we are going or he's coming.....and at the same time says that he's packing up and coming for good. (So why would we need to go there?)

And then yesterday, I got a phone call from one of my sister in laws from Cairo.......seems my hubby told his other brother that he's divorcing this woman too. I think I will confront him about it today......why is he telling people this and not telling me? I think that is just stupid. Especially because they are all telling me. Supposedly he's going to help her finish some paperwork or something. Allahu alam.

So I gotta get some purpose.....gotta focus.....gotta be strong. I wish that Allah would open my eyes and let me SEE.

And maybe....just maybe......send me some rainbows.