putting things on hold........
Thank GOD, I've got good friends to help me get my head outta the sand. (you know who you are) I was all ready to just up and leave Egypt and say to heck with everything. But I got some advice that came just in time. So I'm just waiting to see what's going to happen. Right now DH is in Canada, so what's my hurry to leave, right? Who knows what another couple of months will bring.
What I think my hurry is.........is that I'm finished with the crying, depression, self pity....the whole spiral that polygyny brings you into if you don't have a particularly positive experience. (or an understanding husband) And the only way that I think that will stop, is if I throw in the towel. Otherwise, I think that my particular experience with polygyny is going to be an ongoing struggle....allahu alem. It's just that this woman he married would be like this constant reminder to me of what my husband did to get her......even lying to me. So you see where I'm coming from.
So I'm just gonna hang tight for awhile.....I don't see him coming to Egypt anytime soon, he has problems in Canada and is struggling. Already he owes me two months......???
So I'm feeling pretty okay today.........Tasneem is feeling better, she was sick with a throat infection. She cried yesterday morning asking for her Baba. That made me feel so bad.....sometimes if she cries for him, I call him to talk to her.......but this time it would have been somewhere around 2 am in Canada..... I don't know if I'm being petty.....but I don't call my husband anymore when I know they are at home together. It was one of the first things that I told my husband I didn't want to happen with me. Didn't want us sitting down as a family and for her to call here in Egypt. I promised to follow the same rule...emergencies accepted, of course. Well.......she didn't follow it....and called us many times when he was home.......sometimes even 1 am. I asked him repeatedly, got mad, cried......but it never happened the way I wanted it to. But at least I am following my own rules. Nothing hurt me more than when my hubby came home from outside, and I was waiting for him with all the makeup, hair, pretty clothes....and we are sitting down together with him telling me how beautiful I look, and then his cell phone rings............. It happened just too many times to count.
I have gained 30 lbs.....did I tell anyone that? No kidding...?? Yeah.....I feel horrible......I had lost 60 lbs last year.....I had started dieting and exercising on March 29th, 2005...and by the end of June had lost 60. But since then, slowly slowly, I've gained back 30 of it. I feel bad. I know that when my hubby left last time, I was doing the major emotional eating thing.......These last two months have just been horrid. But I am going to get back on track.......I can do it.....yes I can......I know exactly what I need to do....I've done it before......I just need to work on that thing called motivation.
Strangely enough, you know what my motivation was last time? It was that I wanted my husband to find me sexy and think of me as his wife, not just the mother of his children, you know? That won't work this time.......
posted by Safa at 10:37 AM
3 Comments:
I can't think of anything to say but I still love you.....I am guilty of the same thing she is, the calling all the time thing. I feel really bad about it and I promised I would never do it agian. So if you want you can take it out on me....I need some repremanding. But I felt totally disrespected when he was there last time. Everytime he talks to her on the phone he goes to a quiet place like his car or locks himself in a bedroom to talk. When I called him he just layed in the living room with EVERYONE around making so much noise that I could barely hear him. He said when I told him about it that it was different because when he was here he didnt want her to hear the baby. But guess what when he came back he did the same thing. Uff.....
1:18 PM
I can understand you two very well. Even though my husband hasn't married this woman he's been corresponding with, I can feel the pain you go through. When my husband talks to her on the phone, he goes to the computer room and speaks real softly. But I can still hear all the giggles, flirting and sweet talk that goes on, it's so hurtful. He once forgot to log out of his e-mail account once and of course I was going to read what he had to say to her. THE EXACT SAME THING HE TOLD ME BEFORE HE MARRIED ME (Oh my beautiful queen, my sweet princess...blah,blah,blah)!!!:( Oh it's so painful....
1:51 PM
It came to the point last visit where I kindly asked him that if she called and he was in the house to tell her to hold on and go out of the house. He thought it was silly, but I said....is it silly to be mindful of my feelings? His retort to me was that I was making things difficult....and I said, if laying ground rules is difficult and following a system is difficult, then I suppose I am. I think Ummabdurrahman.....in your situation, I'd ask him if he'd leave the room and talk to me in some quiet. Nothing wrong with asking that kindly. Also, maybe he thinks because your cowife doesn't speak english that it's okay to talk in front of her? Seeker: For your husband to be talking on the phone with a strange woman is haraam. If she isn't already his wife, he shouldn't be doing that. My husband did it, behind my back.....but had I of known.....it would have been hell for him. Its okay for him to take a wife, but not to play with the idea of it. I'm thinking that any ground rules I set are going to be broken......he's broken every one of them so far. But as long as you have your own set of principles......that's where we draw our strength.....
6:51 AM
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