Saving my soul........
Bismillah ar Rahman ar Raheem.......
Assalaamu alaikum.......
This blog is an attempt at finding myself before it's too late. I'm a 34 yr old convert to Islam....I've been married for 15 yrs and presently live in Egypt with my 4 children. My husband travels back and forth between two countries, but eventually, insha ALLAH....he's planning to come back to egypt and live with us. We made the choice to live apart 5 yrs ago, so that we could raise our girls in a muslim country. My husband made a huge life changing decision last December....and chose not to include me in it. He got married in the other country to a 2nd wife. I was not part of this decision....I wasn't even told about it. So now, I am struggling with myself, my faith, even my life. I don't know where to begin........I don't even know where this will end.......but I'm searching for truths....for answers....for anything that will bring me back to the 'old' me.......I liked that person. My only comfort is with Allah.....my healing is not dependant on my husband, it is with Allah.......I pray that I have the strength......
posted by Safa at 9:41 PM
3 Comments:
Assalamu Alaikum,
Wow...I wrote in my blog a few days back my views on polygamy.
Insha'allah everything works out well for ya'. How old are the kiddies?
1:24 PM
Salaam u aleikum sister,
What a coincidence running into this blog! I was searching for Hyper 1 and your blog came up in the search results. I'm also a Canadian living in Egypt (hence the coincidence), I'm Muslim al7amdulilah, and it just so happens that I have some experience with polygynous marriages.
So here's the scoop, I'm not 100% sure about this, but from my experience I've noticed that a lot of men, Muslim or otherwise, tend to have someone else if they're away from their wives for extended periods of time. It came as a surprise to me actually, to find out that some people I know have other wives in other countries.
Non-Muslims of course don't have "wives", they just get someone to hook them up for the extent of their trip and that's that, whereas Muslims on the other hand also tend to go down unrighteous paths knowing full well what's OK and what's not, but making excuses with things like temporary marriages, etc. It's a shame really, people twisting the beautiful message of Islam into something to fit their selfish agendas. Either way, Allah knows exactly what they're doing and the intentions behind their actions, so He will deal out justice to them when the time comes, we need not worry about that.
You have to focus on yourself now and your children. Do you want to be part of a polygynous marriage? Are you OK with it? Is your husband giving your rights as a wife and do you feel that he is treating you equally to his other wife(ves)? Secondly, are your children happy? Are they seeing their father enough? Life sucks growing up with only one parent, I can tell you that from experience. And I can imagine it's the same for living as a wife without a husband.
You know your options. If you think your marriage is worth fighting for, which I serioulsy hope you do, there are lots of strings you can pull for partially getting what you want. Families play a big part in the lives of Egyptians. Talk to his family, or even get your folks to talk to them, or even to him. Tell them that you're unhappy and state your reasons, and also try to subtly find out how your children feel about not being with their father, and use their feelings for your cause. A Muslim family should be a happy one, where all members have their rights and are happy. If you feel that you can achieve this with your husband, then by all means, try hard to get it back.
Secondly, if you think it's over, and you're sure it's over, get out of it and get married asap. There are lots of very respectable families in Egypt, religious people coming from abroad like us, that can help you find another husband. You just have to have the courage to go for it. You should not be without a husband, your kids should not be without a father...you do the math.
May Allah make your life easier for you sister and for your children, and may He pull you out of your state of confusion quickly and back on the track of a happy, fulfilling life. Ameen.
Wa salaam u aleikum :)
5:40 AM
Salam alaikum rememeber sister everything in this life is a test and we are here to please Allah. Salam alaikum
7:27 AM
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