time to bitch.........HEY! It's MY BLOG!

Well, my niece is leaving Cairo today. I love this girl so much, you know? I've been involved in her life since she was 2 yrs old and I was like her 2nd mommy. Now she's turning 18 and struggling so much in life. After my own struggling....I feel so sad when I see others suffering. Sometimes I read BLOGS and the tears just run down my eyes.....

So the thought of my niece leaving, makes me feel sad and alone again. I love you, Sarah.

Now when I went to Cairo the other day to see her, we went upstairs to see my hubby's Bro and that's when it started. This visit Sarah was staying in her own apt....which was a first.....she was staying in the family bldg....so she has 2 uncles living in the apt's above her....and a third uncle across the street, who you can see from the window. But when we went upstairs to see the oldest brother....he starting yelling and flipping on ME about Sarah. Saying stuff....subhanALLAH! That I want Sarah to be bad....that I want her to stay out late.....that its my fault that Sarah is the way she is....?????? I'm not even her mother!! But alhamdulillah....I took it all calmly and when he finished his hissy fit......I told him that every year Sarah comes and stays at my house, and this is the first year that she hasn't been my responsibility....but every year with me, she listens, she prays and I have no trouble with her. And most times, she's coming when my hubby isn't even in Egypt. So I told him, if ALL of you had trouble with her....it has absolutely nothing to do with me, I did my part with her....I live in another city, for heaven's sake!! And the only one they can blame is themselves cause I'm not accepting that. Pretty good, right?

Well....that wasn't the reaction he wanted....so he switched the tune to the fact of my hubby taking the 2nd wife...blah..blah..blah......it hit home.....right in my heart.....I stood up and said I had to go....tears in my eyes......my head pounding......I broke. I said salaam to my sis in law...and had to leave. I am so fragile, friends. I got scared because I was so easy to break....and promptly went down to Sarah's apt and cried my eyes out...shaking...the works. It took me a good 15 mins to calm down. What's wrong with me?

And if that isn't enough.....Sarah started crying because her uncle was yelling at me and totally ignoring her....OMG......so I ended up bringing her home with me for her last night. We had a good talk.....and I brought her home again today.....I didn't go see any of my inlaws.....we packed up the house together......got her luggages all ready....and then I had to go. Her flight is leaving tomorrow at 7:30 am.....so I can't be there....(she'll be leaving in the fajr)......I cried most of the way home in the car. I feel like all the people I love are leaving me. I feel so horrible. I know I have to get off it....and get on with life.......but it's like I'm missing some piece of this puzzle.....and I'm confused as to what it is. I've been on prozac now for 4 mos.....and have been taking some anxiety pills when I have an attack....(this is all new to me).......I just feel like laying down again and crying. Will this stupid cycle never stop????

My hubby called day before yesterday and confirmed his tickets....he's arriving on the 12th of June and leaving July 18th. He will be owing me 4 mos. I don't even want to get into it........but I know that I have a difficult time coming up to me..........and I just don't know what I want anymore.....what I need anymore......I don't even know where I'm going. Alhamdulillah...i have my internet friends to help show me the way.......