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Hey everyone.....well....house is all super organized.......still got the kitchen to go and get into....I mean REALLY into. I haven't made the DINNER yet....rolled grape leaves, stuffed eggplant and stuffed potatoes....I bought a goose. Happy stomach...........sheesh! Well....I've got a little over 5 hours left....I just wanna go to bed and make it all go away....
So anyways......I have no idea whats going on with life in these next couple of days.....I suppose you guys all realize that my posts are going to be erratic with Hubby around. He has this "internet" complex. So don't worry if I don't pop by much.....know that I love you all......and I'll be thinking about you......make dua's for me and my family....
posted by Safa at 10:40 AM
58 Comments:
You bought a goose?? I hope it was dead when you bought it cuz it would be really bad if you had to chase it around the kitchen....Good luck with everything...If you need me I am here... Insha'Allah things go according to plan and all works out. Love you...
11:27 AM
incha Allah things will work out. I will remember you in my duas salam
1:12 PM
well....technically it was alive when I bought it.....but I don't kill them at home.....some people do.....but not many anymore. So I bought the goose alive.....and it sat on the scale while the guy weighed it....looking so resigned....and then he slaughters it and cleans it......
I've got an entire 2 hours left.....food is almost done.....goose is in the pot....LOLOLOLOL!!!!!.......I just gotta clean the small bathroom and kitchen floor......vacuum....then 2 hours to pamper myself.....hope the kids leave me alone the whole time.......to be honest.....I just wanna go to bed.......Love to you all......
2:04 PM
AHHHHHHHHH.........
2:12 PM
yes.......you took the words outta my mouth.......I meant to type that last time.....AHHHHHHHHH..........Hubby is in the airport.....times up........
4:48 PM
best wishes safa... keep us posted! much love x
7:07 AM
salaam safa -
inshaa allah your husband notices all that you do (but in my observation of men in general... maybe this is asking too much...) and truly appreciate all the absolutely wonderful and beautiful wife he has [AND THAT WOULD BE YOU!!] subhaan allah sister... I don't know how I would handle all of it...
6:57 PM
OOPS... i meant to say "and truly appreciate the absolutely wonderful and beautiful wife he has" please omit the 'all' from that sentence...
6:58 PM
Pass.
He'd see what a dumb mum wife he has! That is why he’s been having a great time.
“He has this "internet" complex.” Wish he’d see your ‘other wife’ complex like you notice his complexes. Do you even have a brain?
9:07 PM
Wendy, who do you think you are? I have no idea because your profile won't pop up.
If you don't like what you read you do not have to stay - move on, click the next blog button, any other place you choose.
There are better ways to have a difference in opinion. You have chose to attack and name call. they do that in elementary school - let’s grow up and move on from that stage. All you have to say is something like, "I believe you are not treating your husband right. Stop being jealous of his other wife."
While we might not agree, it would be handled in a much more civilized way.
7:02 AM
Hey everyone.....well....made it past the first day......ewwwwwww!! Hubby asked me if I am happy that he came......what, my dear? Don't I look happy?? NOT! Anyways.....I am staying away from serious talk.....and will make a post in a couple of days......
Wendy, who? Those sort of people don't even need to be acknowledged....and I won't delete her comment either. Let others see how brilliantly observant she is.......
Love ya's!!
7:22 AM
Don`t let sarah`s politically correct babble stop you from speaking your mind Wendy. Women like Safa are enablers for abusive idiotic men and hundreds of machochistic american and european women endulge in such relationships to feed their "piety". They sit an weep like victims for years whilst their children suffer. They need to be slapped, not pampered with stupid comments on how strong and brave they are or words so wrapped up in silk paper its impossible to get any meaning out of the babble. Who Wendy is, hey, its not important, take her opinion, or leave it, that is your choice sarah. You dont have to read the commment of us who find Safa to be a pathetic enabler who is nearly past her age of getting herself and her kids an income. She has chosen out of easyness and stupidity to sit in Egypt now for several years. It is clear he has left her there cos its the cheapest place to keep this gang of people he doesnt want in his life. Silk-paper words doesnt seem to have any effect, maybe a verbal slap in the face will get her off her ass and make a life for herself and her kids. Safa put herself out here. Did she expect just muslim candy-talkers to come by?
7:31 AM
I wrote a comment to Wendy almost just like yours Sara. I think that people that come into these comment boxes just to degrade the writer of the blog or the other commentors need to check themselves. This is public and even if we want to bitch and moan and complain in EVERY single post we can. But when people come in here under fake names talking smack. They are in fact the ones who need the cowardice slapped out of them.
9:03 AM
Wait..wait...peace here...I agree the comments are harsh and perhaps rude but I also hear the anger behind them and perhaps some caring..It is no use to say only nice things if someone is in a bad situation. If a woman was being beaten by her husband would it really be fair for us to say..."oh, you're strong..you will bear it and think of all the rewards you will get in heaven" And I also think Wendy's comment was misunderstood totally by Sarah..she wasn't saying stop being jealous of the other wife..she was saying stop accepting being treated so badly by this man. We all understand or at least have an idea of how scary it must be to have 4 children and no personal income of one's own. But the time comes when you have to "gird your loins" and stand up for yourself. I am sure Safa will do this. She has no choice for her own happiness and that of her children while remaining with a person who is psychologically abusing her. Her daughters are watching and learning and hopefully will see what women are really made of. So many women have strength within that surprises even themselves. And I certainly don't agree that age 34 is too late to make a life and income for oneself!!!! My god..34 is younggg. Safa can go back to school and do anything she wishes to. Especially in canada where there are programs for such things. Student loans, assistance for women in such situations..all you have to do is connect to the right agencies. You can do it, Safa and you will find a happiness that will make all this seem like a bad dream. Love and peace.
9:24 AM
Uh, excuse me, but Safa never said anything about staying with him because of the MONEY. Hello! she can probably work if she wants to. She wants to stay with him because it is HER PEROGATIVE. In some cultures, when a man takes a mistress, the woman claims to have the same perogative, however, in this case, it is a marriage that is sanctioned.
Also, I have worked before, deary anonymous, you are just dependant on a corporation, a boss,a stupid manager, etc. Very few people in this world are not accountable to anyone else. Also, her children will be in the hands of a stranger while she works! Great idea, you got any others!
As for the "different Muslim views" get real. This "asma bint marwan" commentatator is not Muslim, or else she/he would not use an anti-Islamic attack website like "answering-Islam" made be the likes of Daniel Pipes sympathizers to be her link. Yeah, you think I don't know your type...
As for Sarah, this lady is classy. I see her comments on other Muslim's sites and she is respectful of our beliefs as Muslims. This is more like dialogue. She gives Christians a good name. As for Asma chick and anonymous, you can comment all you want but you know, we've all heard that kind of talk before and...
"sticks and stones can break our bones but words may never hurt us" plehhhhhhhhhh
(maybe you can understand that kind of talk).
9:39 AM
[QUOTE] Who Wendy is, hey, its not important, take her opinion, or leave it, that is your choice sarah.[/QUOTE]
This is true. However, I question her as her first post in this arena is one vicious in nature. I wonder has she lurked for awhile or did she read one post and decide to comment.
[QUOTE]Don`t let sarah`s politically correct babble stop you from speaking your mind Wendy.[/QUOTE]
That is just funny as nobody has accused me of being politically correct before. Since when did decorum turn to be politcal correctness?
[QUOTE] Did she expect just muslim candy-talkers to come by?[/QUOTE]
I am not Muslim. I do not hide the fact that I am a Christian. Does this mean I can't understand pain? Does this mean we can't be friends? Jesus himself went to those who were "outcasts" and wounded. I personally do not agree with polygamy but I can relate to struggles she has gone through on a human level. Even though my experiences may not be exactly the same I understand where she is coming from on a lot of similar situations.
{QUOTE]But we know that the chanting of a crowd of hot-heads does not justify the use of violence against them. There are better ways of dealing with critics and criticisms.[/QUOTE]
I grabbed this from the page you link to. I find it very ironic that you come here to attack (verbally) and states above there are better ways to handle it.
9:45 AM
Salaam,
I saw your picture Safa and I see that you are a very beautifull woman, Wa Al7amdoulillah! What I don't understand is, that you let your "love" rule over yours and your children's lives. First of all, life is not all about romantic love. In Islam, true love is loving someone in the name of Allah swt. I can't judge you ofcourse, but I read your posts and based upon that I say, you don't love him in the name of Allah swt, because he is not doing what Allah swt (through our prophet Mohammed saw) is asking him to do and that is, being the best he can be to you.
Even though polygyny is halaal in islaam, it doesn't mean that it is fard. It is not even a sunnah so they could claim doing it for hasanaat?! It is just the opposite, if it is not practiced the way it supposed to be, they can enter Jahannam, wa a3oudhoubilLaah! Is it worth that great danger, that great cost?
Most men do not "have" to do it. Personally I don't understand that a man who claims to love someone can hurt that person he "loves" so deep. That is not love, that's nothing but an illusion.
I will take myself as an example. Alhamdoulillah I'm married to a wonderfull God-fearing man who I can say for certainty that he will never (and I'm not naïve here, I truly believe him) think of taking a second wife, because he is so against those, even before he married me, who do practice polygyny. If there are problems in a marriage, then work on it, there always will be ups and downs. Taking another woman is selfish, I really believe that, unless there is a reason for it and lust is not one of it!
After reading your story Safa, I really shouldn't stay with him. If you two want to buy something major, like a house, do you two talk about it and agree about it? So why didn't he let you in in his desicion?
I don't agree with those who say, it is his right, his marriage, it's none of your business! That is absolutely not islamic. What about you. Your whole life will change not only his, so how can it be only his decision? Does this all not affect you? You have to see your husband lesser than before, yes, he can't take all the responsibility, because he has another family now, so you have to do it! So why is it not you business???
Those who claim that it is that way from islam, don't know islam well!
May Allah swt open your eyes for the truth. You've got your live. When Allah swt closes one door, he will defenetly open another one!
Sabr is good, but not if there is a way out. If you lost your leg, then you have to have sabr, because you can't get another one, that is something else. When there is another option, then you have to take that other option, because Allah swt will ask what have you done to improve you situation. You can't say "I had sabr!" You weren't in a jailcell that you couldn't get out of it, there was a door open, so go through that door, inshAllah, Tawakkal 3ala Laah, He is your Provider (Razzaaq) and not your husband who mistreated you so badly!
7asbouna Laah wa Ni3mal Wakeel!
Salaam
your sister in islaam
11:10 AM
Salam alaikum
I saw your blog in the group where u posted. sister, with all due respect, Im also fed up with this "have sabr" and other advises.
Sorry to say, wendy and anonymus is right. And i say this, not because i think u r dumb, no way, im sure u r a bright, lovely person, but weak. This guy threats u like a piece of dirt.
U shud ask urself, do u want this?
What happens with sisters in these days? Islam is NOT ABOUT TEARS AND WEEP AND SORROW, but some sisters think like this. They mantra the "sabr" and cry their pillow at night for decades (look at just the group...)
The only thing what I can tell u, time is running. U r still young and have a chance to get a life what u want.
And im a muslim, you know me from groups. But still, I'd never let any "brother" be with me like this.
So what do u want? Happiness and harmony? He might not give you, are you ready to GET IT or you choose to sit alone and cry into the pillow? U worth mroe than that, but if u don1t realize it, im afraid my simple comment wont help.
I wudn't write this, if i wudn't want u to be happy, wallah al-adheem. I want that!! U deserve it!
11:32 AM
umm soud - You are voicing constructive criticism with grace and without vindictive harsh tones. You can hear from your words that you care. I can't say that I get the same vibe from Wendy.
As far as Safa's situation, it stinks. However, I have never been in a different country, 4 kids, and no family of my own. I also do not know her financial details. For me to say, "You need to go back to Canada and get a divorce." is dangerous as I do not know all the factors involved to determine if that is even something she can do. Since I am unable to give her intelligent suggestions on how she should go about things, I just give her is my support and pray she finds her way.
12:07 PM
Salaam,
Soub7anAllah, we muslims believe in Allaah swt, he gives us the things we need. You said:
"I have never been in a different country, 4 kids, and no family of my own. I also do not know her financial details. For me to say, "You need to go back to Canada and get a divorce." is dangerous as I do not know all the factors involved to determine if that is even something she can do."
What if her husband dies tomorrow or no, today, what is she then going to do, follow him? Because he provides for her??? Soub7anAllah, where is our Yaqeen, where is our Imaan? Isn't Allah swt the One who provides for us all?
If that is the reason that you stay with your husband, then that is wrong and if you stay because you "love" him, then that is very sad indeed!
Salaam
2:21 PM
Assalamu Aleikum wa Rahmatulahi wa Barakatuhu,
A small suggestion to the last anonymous post, I think it's been made very clear that the lovely lady Sarah is NOT Muslim. Please use words that she may understand.
As a revert to Islam myself, I remember how difficult it was when people spoke in "Arabic" terms all the time.
Dawah is a very delicate thing...
3:47 PM
Hello and salaam to everyone,
I used to blog on blogger but now I don’t. Safa knows me so I’m not a lurker. I wrote to Safa a couple of times but didn’t receive any positive response from her and so stopped commenting and visiting her blog regularly. I always thought it was my fault that she didn’t respond warmly; perhaps something I wrote.
Why I initially wrote to Safa and a few other bloggers who are in polygynous relationships is because 8 years ago my best friend, my sister, my cousin (whom my parents had adopted) fell in love and married a man who started attending haleqas two years into their marriage and soon became a ‘born again’ Muslim. My cousin started following Islam strictly too which was OK until her husband decided that he wanted to marry again to ‘help and guide a newly converted Muslim sister.’ My cousin agreed but just couldn’t adjust with the situation although she never complained. We saw her becoming exceedingly frail and ‘crying into her pillow.’ She was 4 months pregnant with their 3rd child when he remarried. Finally and unfortunately, my cousin developed preeclampsia, lost the fetus at 7 months and died 2 days later. The husband attended her funeral, picked up the living children and left to live with the other wife. He has two wives now but doesn’t keep any contacts with us at all. Before my cousin died she said something extremely painful to me, “I wish I wasn’t Muslim. I would have found my husband sleeping around and would have kicked his ass and moved on. As a Muslim wife, I have to agree with what is supposed to be his right, a sunnah and I am given a heavy rosary of ‘sabr’ to chant. Its too much for me.’ Her name was Safa. Painfully ironic.
We are all blaming Wendy and she is to be blamed for her insensitivity but have we noticed how many of us read Safa’s blog and don’t comment regularly? Wendy got the real ball rolling. This is the first post where there are as many as 20 comments. So many anonymouses, Wendy, Asma, Umm Soud, mulimlatina, myself. The fact is (I think) that we all love Safa but she likes to hear from people that what she is doing is right. That is very human and very natural. When there is no way out we like to hear from people that whatever is our situation, it’ll work out, everything will be OK in the end, good luck, hooray, go on. Wendy and Asma only got people to tell how they truly feel about Safa’s situation. In the end, Wendy is actually ‘brilliantly observant.’ I only wish she had sugar coated her brilliant observation so we could have swallowed the pill easily. Then again, that’s what most of us were doing and was that helpful? I don’t know. If Safa really wants people to give her advice and help with words then that’s what we are doing right now. If she just wants people to agree with her and is writing an otherwise publicly displayed personal diary then that’s another thing and we should perhaps quit and people who agreed with her should continue. It is, in the end, what she wants.
It is actually unfortunate that men are using women like this. Women think they are smart, and savvy but in fact they are weak and vulnerable. A woman who lives on her own, shops on her own, drives around in her Merc in a foreign land is superficially strong in her mind and but is weak when put face to face with a man who cheated her and played with her heart. My mother always says that ‘a man cheats a woman he knows he can cheat.’
One point we are all missing is that Safa truly loves her husband, like she said he is the only man she’s known. I think she is secretly wishing he’d love her the way he did when they got married. Its not about money or sustenance. When we love someone with all our heart (for Allah or for ourselves) then we start to believe that they love us back with the same intensity. Somewhere that love changes but we remain blind to it. I have known my husband for 13 years and I really love him Alhamdulliah and he loves me back. But, and he’s only human, if Allah forbid he fell for another woman for whatever reason I’d know that somewhere his love has changed. That should be the last straw for me and I should not be blind.
I am a scholar and was writing an article on polygyny for which I contacted several women who proved to be unhelpful. They are quite uptight about their situation which only makes it worse for others to help them. They don’t want help which is alright but then some women like my cousin, Safa, get stuck into situations because women are not willing to fight for their rights. Because they tell other women to have patience (sabr), to ask politely for their right of time with the husband, to see polygyny as sunnah, as the right of a man.
I have written too much but this is the last comment you’ll read from me. I now feel why Safa didn’t respond warmly to me was because I subtly disagreed with her situation. If that is what offended you Safa then I am really sorry. I only saw my Safa in you and so extended my hand in friendship. I cannot alone change the minds of thousands of women who see piety in polygyny and in sobbing in their beds. I give up, my Safa’s soul can go on to haunt me. May God guide us all.
9:03 PM
Wouldn't it be a good idea if the group commenting on here could arrange a talk with this "man" Just a friendly chat....hehehhe..I'm picturing tea and cookies and a chat in the living room...would he emerge alive? not likely...
But I really wish those posting nasty comments would stop..it's pretty low to hit someone when they're down. Calling someone lazy, etc isn't very productive or loving.....
Safa you are hearing some tough things..hope it doesn't overwhelm you and ignore the nasty comments..they are in the minority..but for god's sake why are you waxing for this man??? Save the waxing for someone special in the future:):) Imagine having fun again in bed..it can happen:):) think of it that way ..after all the shi.....is over..life begins again:)
All the best.
5:22 AM
salam alaikoum
just my two cents...i find that in situations where there is only one wife, people are more likely to say "work on it", but the second someone has more than one wife, the first reflex is "gee sister, get out", even without considering the particularities of a given situation. Polygynous marriages in this sense are like any other marriage, you have to weigh all of your options.
7:47 AM
Hi, sheplato; then perhaps you know about Stockholm-syndrome; this is pretty much ike that. Many muslim woman suffers from that...as for us, putting our nose in it, im a blogger myself and I know, people usually open a blog as a form of interaction or else we'd write into a diary. And I'd hate myself if I'd just say to the sister, yeah, its fine, just pray for him.
but there is a very valid point here, it is the sister's age: im the only child of my parents then I got married to my husband, so basically I didnt really live alone and never did things by myself...Hamdulillah Abu Saud is a good husband, but if it were about me divorcing from him, I know, I'd also be afraid, cz I should learn how to live totally alone and also being a muslimah, its hard. So u gotta put everything on a scale, but then again, we are women, not meek little creatures.
9:44 AM
To the anymonimus at 5:22, I agree about the tough comment, but e.g. I have a friend, who loves me a lot, but she also sometimes like this with me-some people don't really wanna be mean, they just think, the best thing is a wake-up kick..hehe...sometimes I wanna smack her, lol, but then I remind myself she loves me a lot, but this is her way.
9:46 AM
I have been on the net a few years now, I have stopped sugar-coating. I am not religioius either, I am a woman who has lived a tough life,fended for myself since 17, I don`t believe in adab or "to turn the other cheek". I am a fighting Kafira. I have been married to a muslim for 7 years. I am honest and straight forward.This is my way,clearly Wendys too. The fact that we dont have blogs here and put our personal lives on display does not mean we are cowards.We simply don`t blog here,and who we are is quite not the matter. Safa has a place to go if she wants to hear calls to sabr and du3a and get support for her masochism only from muslim sisters. I am a member in this group too and have been since 2002. I don`t feel sorry for women like Safa. They come from a culture where women have every opportunity but they have chosen islam and thus limited their opportunities, most likely in the hope of the fairy-tale "womens civil rights come from islam" marriage that is told about to every non-muslim and new convert. I have seen very few such marriages in the muslim world. Mistrisses are taken by muslims and non-muslims both.You are deluting yourselves muslim women if you think that your men do not comitt zina. Faced with that muslim women froth at the mouth, but a nikah showwed in your face, that makes it ok. The feelings for you are exactly the same as for a woman who has been cheated on. But as one poster here pointed out regarding the diffirence beeing muslim and non-muslim:
"I would have found my husband sleeping around and would have kicked his ass and moved on.As a Muslim wife, I have to agree with what is supposed to be his right, a sunnah and I am given a heavy rosary of ‘sabr’ to chant."
A mistress,when found out,will cause havock in most marriages,just like polygamy makes in muslim marriages. A mistress however will cause a time-limited fuzz. Polygamy takes half the mans time and money away from you "sisters", all the way up to 4 dividations of one income and time. How do you imagine your old age with these men? The golden years when the children are out of the nest. This I really wonder.
The allowance of taking more then one wife does not mean that muslim men do not sleep with women out of wedlock either. I know many a muslim man with his wife at home and him out on town or with his girlfriend. He tells you he is with his "friends" of course, wich is his perogative. When a western man cheats on his wife it is not sanctioned positively, but its human nature all over the world. She can then kick ass, give him an ultimatum or divorce him right away. And take half his assets. A muslim woman is put on iddah for 3 months and then she must fend for herself. If she had to ask for Khula she must even pay back her mahr. The man can according to islamic juriceprudence even claim more then what he gave her in mahr and put her into debt, that can happen to any woman who lives in a country where sharia-law is applied in family matters. Amongst arabs there is videly practiced halal vacation form for men. They go to for instance India and give some poor girl a lil dowry,have some papers signed, and then its allright,he has the sex he wants with this "wife", gives talaq and goes home "clean and white" cos he paid the money and bothered with the paperwork. Ludicrous.
Now, about work. Of course everyone can work. Safa has not worked in some years. She comes from a society very much similar to mine. I have worked my whole life and have exellent papers. I never went out of work until I was on sickleave for a year. Getting back in was hard for me. You cannot wipe under the rug that it will be very hard for Safa to get a job to support 5 people decently. To start school will entail loans with interest as this is the canadian system. Honesty,such a grant cannot sustain a family of 5. Safa will have to work on the side, and she will have to take a haram loan. You can try as much as you wish to try and convince me that Safa is sitting in Egypt because this is her perogative and she is happy, her blog proves otherwise. I say he is sitting there because she has not grown out of her princess fairy dream from she was 18 years beeing a happy home-maker. Clearly this dream has been shattered. Safa is also probably in Egypt becos she finds it makes her "exotic". Me and Wendy voiced otherwise. We find her to be an enabler of abusing men and in her actions she is hurting her children, the only ones a woman like me has feelings for in these situations. I am not a friend of Safa,I am not her sister in islam, she has put herself into islam, accepted polygamy as her gods law and then out on the internet for strangers to read and judge. No, I do not feel bad when Safa is sobbing in her pillow or on her prayer-mat. This is her choice. To comment is my and every freespeaking bitch perogative and I need not speak in a manor that is strange to me. She can delete if she wishes, or not read.
Her kids, in the hands of strangers, are they not the age that they should be in school? If you go to the school or kindergarden your kids are enrolled in, I am sure you can be introduced to the teacher so he or she wont be a stranger. Sheesh.
I do sincerely find Safa to be an egotistical masochist and I think it is imminent that she grows up mentally and emotionally, however I have observed women like Safa in crying duah since 2002 and I know how this story goes. Safa, you keep waxing so he will keep you in your non-existance in Egypt, hoping one day he might get tired of other women, goodness knows how many there has been and retires with you. Or maybe he retires with another,slim chances of finding a muslim husband after 4 kids of your age, after 40, quite impossible. I foresee more polygamous situations for you in so case, with men who are quite a bit older then you and needs a tiny vacation. Your husband however has many many years ahead of him with young bint`s ready for marriage.
Regarding the question if muslims and christians cant be friends. This is what the most used salafi site on the internet says:
http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=26118&dgn=4
Under islam, a christian and a jew has a special status. It is called dhimmitude.
Fight those who believe not in Allah nor the Last Day, nor hold forbidden that which hath been forbidden by Allah and His Messenger, nor acknowledge the religion of Truth, (even if they are) of the People of the Book, until they pay the Jizyah with willing submission, and feel themselves subdued. (Qur’an 9:29)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dhimmi
http://dhimmitude.org/
I as a Kafira have no status under islamic law, I have the choice to submitt to islam or fight for my life and land. Just as well since I am neither submissive or willing to be humiliated by muslims to keep my life, and I most certainly do not befriend racists who believe in such writings.
But hey, I have been speaking for too long, I will leave the floor to the eminent Nonie Darwish:
http://www.noniedarwish.com/archives/familydynamics.html
10:15 AM
for the previous commenter,
I have to say, I skimmed through your comments because they are redundant and useless. If you had read ANY of the prior comments of any of her Muslim sister commentators, none of us have told her that she has to stay in the marriage (I wouldn't and I made it clear in earlier posts). HOWEVER, she has that extra added right to be supported and to be in a valid marriage that SELF-PROCLAIMED KAFIRS like you DO NOT HAVE.
All I can say is that I feel sorry for your Muslim husband. He is not, by the way, allowed to marry a SELF-PROCLAIMED KAFIR, and no, I am not a scholar, but you also being a SELF-PROCLAIMED SCHOLAR (of what?) should know that. Muslim men are only allowed to marry people of the book, PIOUS, Practicing, people of the book. Some scholars say that Muslim men in the West ARE NOT allowed to marry women that are not Muslim. Propbably because of women like you.
Boy, you are something ignorant.
And by the way the majority of Muslim men in the world do not practice polygamy. Many women know their rights in Islam. Safa knows if\t is her right to divorce and still get money to raise her kids, she knows. She's just exercisinig her right to stay with the man and not give him up to the "new" woman. And I know that a LOT of KAFIR women do the same when their husband takes a mistress, or divorces then, esks them to pay half the rent, and all that nonsense.
If you want to keep it up sister, BRING IT ON! I was an angry feminist until I became Muslim. Now, I'm just right.
11:30 AM
Oh, I don't know if you understood correctly, but your marriage is not valid if you are a SELF-PROCLAIMED KAFIR and your husband is a Muslim.
Where do that leave you?
Also, Egypt was and continues to be a great nation. I don't know, but it sounds like you think that living in wherever it is you live (i would venture to say the U.S.) is the only place in the world worth living. I wonder if you think they'll be McDonald's in heaven and everyone will be speaking English-Only. HA HAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA AA
ok. I'll stop now.
11:44 AM
free speech can challenge but should never offend. 'asma bint marwan': your comments - or, rather, the way you expressed them - were not helpful. if you insist on giving safa advice - and i don't deny that we are all doing that - then please reconsider your intentions.
2:04 PM
Holy Crap there is McDonalds in Heaven? WHy didn't anyone tell me...is it Halal?
3:38 PM
I was kinda hoping it would be Taco Bell.
4:57 PM
Actually I am just here for the fries...
7:19 PM
Check this out http://eteraz.org/?p=216
9:41 PM
I did not say I am married to a muslim man. Have been. Most muslims do not have a clue what a kafira is and there are hundreds of thousands of muslim men married to kafiras. I found my kafirhood when I met a very kind and sweet muslim man on net who wished to marry me. I researched islam,found he could not marry someone like me,argued this for two years until he apostated. I am here to give Safa a virtual slap. I feel sorry for her kids, not Safa.
4:21 AM
Actually, if free speach never offended it would not be free, it would be worthless. Believe it or not, in this dunya a Kafira has the right to offend and even hurt, so does a muslim in my dunya. In the ummah you may practice polite cotton-talk as much as you like.
Kafira
4:25 AM
asma bint marwan, could u e-mail me?
it is fee_sabeel_illah at yahoo dot com
if u want of course.
6:02 AM
You can email me if you like.
kafira@gmail.com
Kafira
6:04 AM
you are using the words dunya and ummah incorrectly. Do you have a computer translator perhaps that is telling you ummah means "world" or something.
It is painfully clear that you
a) do not know much about Islam
b) have never associated with Muslims to begin with
you are posing. I will dismiss you now.
12:38 PM
I hope I am not being disrespectful, even though you guys think it is okay,
12:39 PM
I hope I am not being disrespectful, even though you guys think it is okay,
12:39 PM
Muslim-latina: Can I please have the groups of those kafir women who complain about their husband paying everything for their mistress?
Can you please show me how I am using the words dunya and ummah incorrectly. I used dunya for this tangable world and ummah as for the islamic society. I think I am right. I know plenty about islam and have assosiated plenty with muslims for many years. What is your proof otherwise? And why attack me personally. Ignore me and advice Safa instead, I am just dying to watch this continued. Now I will go and do something that sounds quite familar but is much more fun, watch "Frustrated housewives"....
1:42 PM
sister Safa, I hope this time while ur husband is there, will turn out good. Not just lovey stuffs or on the contrary, argues, but i hope, some solution will come up.
Don'T let him to threat u as a doormat. Stand up for urself, cz after he is gone again, u will fall into the same terrible situtation. Inshallah while im writing this, u r on the way solving your life, before its too late.
2:31 AM
Does polygamy ever work? I would be interested to know if anyone reading this blog knows of or is in a polygamous situation that works??
4:46 AM
And why it works?
4:47 AM
It works for me....
6:39 AM
UmmAbdur-Rahmaan, I don't mean to be rude but it works for you because you are the second wife and the first wife doesn’t even live in your country. You don’t have constant competition nor the problem of distribution of nights. You knowingly married a married man who isn’t even home often so it isn’t a normal family life anyway. Again, it surely sounds crass but since you said it works for you, this is why it works for you. Your husband’s first wife may not think the same.
I am the first wife and it sure sucks in my case. The only reason I’m stuck in the marriage is because I am broke and my husband will take my girls if I think about leaving him.
7:14 AM
The situation is a littel different than you think. I had no idea my husband was married when I married him. I have spoken to my co-wife and it is Ok with her to. If my husband had a choice he would live there with her not with me. He is working very hard for all of us. But as far as which country he is in he may be in the same country as me but I see him as much in a year as she does. I knowingly did nothing. If I had known I would never have married him but Alhumdullilah I did. My co-wife is probably the most loving and understanding woman even more so than me.
Just because you are a first wife who apparently harbors much anger and your life situation sucks does not mean that my co wife feels the same you. I agree that many first wives do have a tougher situation I am not disputing that but Alhumdullilah mash'Allah my co-wife is the absolute BEST person. I am so glad that Allah has brought her into my life and made her the way that she is. Alhumdullilah. I can not say enough nice things about her. But sister no disrespect but please do not pretend to know the situation just because you are a first wife. Alhumdullilah my situation is much different than many other people. It works for the sake of Allah, because of Allah and the patience and love he placed in her.
7:59 AM
How comes u didn1t know that he was married?:-O WAs it a case of misunderstanding or did he conceal it? Cz if the second, It was not a very good thing from him to conceal the fact, that he is married. Lying is not from Islam:(((
I hope not this is the case.
9:03 AM
Well....LOL...That is neither here nor there...
10:37 AM
Even if u forgot to ask, I think he should have told you. But its only MY opinion.
11:34 AM
You understood correctly. I don't like second wives of two types: those who knowingly marry married men & those who forgive men who don't tell them they are married. You are young, I am 40 plus and it took me all this time to think and realize that a lying man cannot be a good man.
I am in this situation because the man didn't tell me about his second marriage and didn't tell her about me.
You are missing my point. If your co-wife was in the same country things would be different. Now she is just like any other realtive of your husband. When the woman is in the same country and in my case the same area it is very difficult. As I grow older I see my girls competing with their father's other children to prove they are good. Once we were in the same mosque and I was telling a sister about how the husband did something once and the co-wife happened to be there and she corrected me and said you mean OUR husband. The equation changes when my changes to our. I have to reconcile with my situation because when she found out about me she didn't make a fuss and I was the bad wife because I did. Had she told him she was displeased with what he had done and made a fuss, he wouldn't have married the third time!
She is nice to me and on surface I am nice to her but what other choice do I have? What other choice does your co-wife have? Being in another country she can't even cause fitnah (lol).
2:17 PM
Also, sister Umm Abdurrahman, dont forget, that perhaps your co-wife is in an Arabic country and if she asks for divorce, there is a high possibility, that she looses her childen. Many women put up with polygyny because of this.
Honstly, I think u shouldn't be this calm saying "oh she is agree with it".
I might be mean as well, but I never understood why a woman goes to be a second wife. I was asked too before, but I knew that i would be a sadness for the first one. I dont want my hapiness through an other person's misery. And hamdulillah Allah gave me better.
12:29 AM
Apparently I am not getting my point across and the responses you women are giving seems filled with hate towards me or any second wife for that matter. Leave that which does not concern you alone. I would never intentionally hurt anyone. I did not set out with that intention and nor do I have that intention now. This is the last comment I will give in regards to this because frankly it is getting on my nerves. It is like a constant attack and it seems like just because it is not what you would or wouldn't do it is not right. Things in your eyes can not be the way I told you they are because it is not how YOU view them. Opinions are opinions but this has gone passed that and it needs to stop. Situations are different and people are different...I do agree things will be different when we are in the same country but does that mean that we can not be friends like we are now? She may secretly be angry with me or hate me but she Masha'Allah accepted me from the beginning. She has never been anything but loving and accepting. Maybe you should look outside the box....I am done.
4:16 AM
"the responses you women are giving seems filled with hate towards me"
Wht abt ur comments? u worry so much abt preachin islam to a gas station clerk. Start from home and practice what u preach. I see nothing wrong with the langauge the women used with u. But u r loudmouthed!
don't bother communicating with her, ladies. she shd only impress the clerk with how great muslims are!
5:29 AM
Anonymous, no sweat. My eldest daughter is 23 years old and when she disagrees with what I have to say she gets angry the same way. Its not about Islam. Let it be.
7:43 AM
Salam alaikoum
subhan Allah, I stopped at comment 42 or something and lookie here...
I don't think it's fair to give a blanket diss to all co-wife situations. Some do in fact suck, some work out, some work out QUITE well, macha Allah.
I don't know where people are getting Umm Abdurrahman wrong, because not only do I know her personally (or perhaps because of it) I totally get what she is saying, doesn't sound crazy to me. I think if people wanted to talk about my marriage, I am sure they could find (or make up, or imagine) something to diss on me for, but somehow people think all bets are off when there is more than one wife involved, like after that point everyone is wrong, or something.
10:57 AM
Some do in fact suck, some work out, some work out QUITE well, macha Allah.
How many polgynous marriages really work out quite well in this day and age?? When you say that you have to account for the emotional balance of all the wives, the children and the husband involved. Astaghfirullah, even when I've met some co-wives with okay marriages (on the surface, of course) their kids weren't and acted out in all sorts of horrific unIslamic ways....
2:20 PM
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