Get out a pin and pop my bubble.....
All is quiet on my street in Egypt. Or rather, my building, my apt, heck even my bedroom waits with baited breath. For what?? Now that IS the question.
We really aren't talking, just the polite stuff.....more so on my side than on his. Maybe he's waiting for me to say, "OK, I think I'm ready to talk now?". It just isn't going to happen. I am waiting to see what he will do.....and so far, it's nothing. Has it always been this way? It seems that since he married this woman, it has. I was thinking about the whole story yesterday, and it made me cry.....I am so hurt inside, you know? Deception in a marriage is a horrible thing.....and muslim men have to understand the limits of it. They damage the intimacy of a marriage.....the love.
On a positive note, today before he left to go to work, he actually "kissed" me goodbye. (a fish kisses the side of the fishtank better!!) It was his first time to kiss me since he's been here. I think it adds up to two weeks.
I just keep sitting in this confused bubble.......not daring to step outta it....what's the matter with me?? Maybe it's just the fact that hubby isn't even trying with me.........that's let the air outta my balloon. Yes....that's what it is.....
Today I feel blah, blah, blah. I miss my mom, I miss Canada.....and part of me just wishes that his visit would just hurry up and finish.....
And you know what I realize?? That I'll make my final decisions after he leaves.....I've gotta see what's gonna happen now........it has to be better than this.....
It just has to be.......
posted by Safa at 3:39 AM
4 Comments:
shhhh
8:47 AM
Awww Sweetie...
So many are here for you if that helps. I can see you have drawn so many people to you, Safa, and that is because of the kind of woman you are. You give a lot, dear sister, and you deserve to be on the receiving end of some love and support. Give yourself some time -- and I think waiting until after he leaves is a good plan -- but if he has nothing to give you anymore, other than deception and demands, then I really feel you can find someone who does.
Take care and salaam alaikum,
PM
10:23 AM
safa safa bo bafa banana fana fo fafa, mi my mo mafa... safa...
thinking of you ukhtee..
1:09 PM
bismillahir rahmanir raheem.
salaamz my beautiful sister. this is sister aneesa, author of polygynousblessings. i received the comment you posted on my blog. i just finished reading your blog...from the beginning. subhanAllah sister, you are most definitely in my duaas and i pray insha'Allah that Allah subhanahu wa ta^ala brings comfort and ease to your heart and mind and helps you to make any decisions regarding the future of your marriage with the utmost hikmah. i was sitting here trying to figure out what to write to you. i wish that i could just say something that would make everything better for you. i do have a suggestion and i pray insha'Allah that whatever i suggest carries only good consequences. sister, i know you have been through a lot and it seems that there hase been a heavy dosage of betrayal by your husband. you also have been married for a very long time alhamdulillah and i believe you commented in one of your previous posts that a lot of the behavior that you have been witnessing from your husband is out of character for him. he's been saying and doing things that in the 15 years of marriage to him you would never even think could or would come from him. if this is true than that means something changed. only Allah subhanahu wa ta^ala and your husband know what. sister, don't shut your husband out, at least not without first trying to find out by talking to him what it is that changed. for you two to have lasted for as many years as you have and for most of those years to have been happy (of course with trials, but nonetheless happy) i think you owe it to yourself and your children to make an attempt to salvage your marriage. i know it's hard when you're upset, and rightfully so, but sister with all sincerity, you should stop shutting your husband out while he's within arms length, sit down, and talk. and if it's too painful for you to talk first, then sit him down and say, "i want to talk, but first i want to listen." and do that...listen to him...let him speak...let him say whatever he has to say without interruption. i think that's one of the hardest things for us as women to do, especially when we are upset. our husband will talk and instead of listening and really hearing what he is saying we are busy thinking of what to say next or trying to catch him in a lie or find some contradiction in his words. don't do this. sincerely listen and then...let it all out...be honest with him. again sister, you are in my duaas. i could write for days but i'll stop now. until next time...
with love fillah,
sister aneesa
2:30 PM
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