it's been a whirlwhind...and I feel like sinking...
Monday
I went to Legal Aid....and brought my custody papers and all my questions and sat with a lawyer. I talked to him about....
-having supervised visits
-changing my zone where I live
I told the lawyer everything, the phone call, the attempted grab...etc etc.
The lawyer told me that he didn't see a judge having an issue with me moving. That most likely, what I'd get is a little talking to about it, and perhaps being told to meet the ex halfway with the driving. He also advised that it's best not to bring it up at this time, and just leave it and hope the ex doesn't make an issue with it. The longer I am in my new city, the better.
About the supervised visits....he said it won't happen. Those are only for parents who have abused their children and other things...and of course, at this time, my story about the possible and attempted grab is just heresay. Not factual and neither is it concrete....
I'm really not sure I feel better about that.......
~~~~~~~~~~~~
TUESDAY
My old friend from elementary school lives in Barrie. We've been on again and off again friends.....mostly off during the time I was married. (she came to my house once when the ex was at work, and the ex and I went to her wedding....the end.) So her father lives in Hamilton, same city as the ex and a good 2 hour drive. She asked me to spend Tuesday with her and see her father...(haven't seen him since I was 18)....and we'd pick up Noora and spend some time with her too. Great idea! So we get Noora first and go for lunch and then spent some time together while my buddy had some running around to do. At one point we just wandered around downtown hamilton while my friend was doing her errands.
But OMG...nothing prepared me for the building that I got Noora from. 22 floors and all bunches of trash and low lifes sitting around the downstairs. I counted 6 cops patrolling the area in a buddy/buddy walkabout. I was visibly shaking and upset while waiting for Noora to come down. This area was G A R B A G E.
At first things were a little strange with Noora....but we had the conversation about the phone call and got it out of the way and things looked better. She told me a bit about what's been going on. She hasn't been out of the house in 2 weeks, she has no cell phone (he returned it), no computer or internet access and she is staying home daily watching TV and cooking and eating. She's gained 5 lbs.
I was very concerned about her and the only thing I could tell her was to get her father to take her to a public library. She HAS to get out of the house. (and walking in the street is like playing russian roulette if you ask me) A couple of times when we were out, I would glance at her, and I could see the tears threatening to spill, but she played tough and it never happened.
The strange point was when we were driving her home....and she asked me in an offhand manner how she could get to Barrie from Hamilton. Which GO bus, etc etc. I explained to her how to do it, but then I said to her....if you want to come to the house, just call me. She then said very quietly.....maybe I'd want to come and I wouldn't want anyone to know.
Hmmmm.....
But then my good friend turned around and said to her..."Noora....if you ever want to get out of here and need a ride.....just call me and I'll come get you and drive you back home. No questions asked. I'll just be your chauffeur and we won't even talk....I'll just come get you and drive.
Thank God for friends like that. Noora added her phone number to her Ipod Touch.....home and cell.
I was talking to Maureen today and trying to explain to her how I felt....and I can't remember how exactly she said it....but she said something like..."you feel its hard as a mother to watch your child suffer and know that you have to let them...." She said it so much better.....and perhaps she'll see this and say it again for me..... But yes, it was hard to leave her. Before I left, she made some sort of advances about coming and spending a few days....but I had to be hard about it and said..."I'm not ready for you to come home yet" ....and explained to her that I have so much paperwork and things going on...(which I''ll explain)....but the truth is....
She has to want to come home....I mean REALLY want it....because then there would be no going back. She has to be strong and not just shuffling her feet about it. Because if she's not, her father will just pull her back in. I really didn't feel she was ready.
(I did slip her some money....which she didn't want to take....but I made her take it)
~~~~~~
PAPERWORK
MM came downstairs with Noora. She tried to hand me an envelope, but I didn't accept it from her. My friend got out of the car and went around and took it. Asked her what it was....but she claimed she didn't know. She's just the messenger. (think PUPPET) Looks like I'm going back to court again. September 17th. I'll need to get a lawyer for this one..... Here's what he is going after.....
-Sole Custody of Noora
-Ability to have and maintain her passport, including travelling with Noora without my consent
-if the court agrees, he's giving me 30 days to return to Mississauga and if I should fail to return, then I forfeit sole custody of the children to be turned over to him.
<----insert expletive!!
I didn't sleep until 4 am, tossed and turned and turned and tossed. I'll go back to Legal Aid tomorrow and see how I'm going to start. I'm feeling very intimidated and fearful at the moment.....
~~~~
Last thing.....my friend and I drove to the address that is on all the EX's new court documents....(even from our recent court case)....and it's a HUGE million dollar home in a nice area of Hamilton (on top of the mountain). There was a car in the driveway...(not his)....and I wrote down the license plate number.
oh and FYI....the fertility treatment is a success.....MM is expecting twins...
posted by Safa at 1:28 PM
14 Comments:
Well, if Noora is thinking about going back to you then next time you talk to her you should explain what her dad wants to do, she might freak out about thinking to be there with the twins in a dirty place forever... Your ex has some nerve...I hope they can give you help tomorrow.
3:10 PM
Did you take a picture of the house?
4:46 PM
I didn't take a picture, although I thought about it.....why should I have taken a picture?
Tks, Aya...yup, tomorrow to legal aid again....
5:52 PM
I just wonder, if he gives an address at a house like that, how can he claim to have no income? . . . and if he's lying to the court about his address. . .they won't take that very well. . .just curious.
7:28 PM
I don't think its his house....I googled the address and came up with a name, (that I don't know)....and then further did some digging and got a phone number for them......you can't imagine how curious I am to call that number.....but yeah....its info I have to just keep, not abuse....
Maybe it is time tho, to hand it over to the courts....
8:44 PM
This comment has been removed by the author.
10:36 PM
There is a lot that the courts need to hear. I was watching a special on family courts today. . .specifically geared towards the US but applicable here. . they were talking about the bad advice given to women going to family court about not speaking up about abuses and things the other parent were doing. . .like the legal aid attorney telling you that you couldn't address his attempt to run away with the kids.
Your daughter can testify as to what her father was instructing her to do and you heard it. The attorney was using a very cloudy and misstated definition of hearsay. I really wish you could talk to an attorney that truly has your best interests at heart. This man (the ex) is getting away with horrible amounts of lying/cheating/stealing against his own children.
10:39 PM
going to Legal Aid....
7:10 AM
You def. need to find a female lawyer who is an advocate for women. Crys is right, it was bad info given to you. There WERE witnesses. The kids, Sjon. The phone call your daughter took.
You can also say that you visited Noora and she's living in squalor and being left alone. Also, if he's so damn broke how can he afford to have sole custody and care for all the children? This needs to be addressed as well.
You may have to work out a payment system for a lawyer other than legal aid.
We can take a collection for you!
7:12 AM
That man needs to have his ... cut off and handed back as souvenirs. Doesn't he have enough kids he can't afford to raise??
Too bad they can't kick him out of Canada.
Get a good lawyer. It will be worth it. Legal aid might not cut it. Ex is a devious conniver.
11:00 AM
Salam Safa,
I don't think you got good legal advice. It's not heresay if your daughters testify in a deposition.
I'm going to try to see if I can find names of women's organizations because it'd be good to have someone actually interested in your case.
Also, from now on, do not accept any papers from anyone unless they're delivered to you by registered mail. Don't make it easier on him :)
5:14 PM
Oh BTW, I wouldn't worry about the move thing and the "custody issue"... he's not paying any child support so judges realize that you gotta do what you gotta do to survive.
You need to feed the kids so you can't just quit your job now, forfeit your lease and what not.
5:19 PM
Sorry habibty I havent commented until now. I have been so overwhelmed with everything happening to you that I just had to take time to formulate my thoughts. I guess at this point all I can say is u'v gotten great advice so far from the comments. You need to raise money for a whiz-bang feminist lawyer! As I said before, and may Allah forgive me if I am wrong, but you really need to go to the media. I am sure you can find someone who wrote abt your story before that would be interested in doing an update. Maybe they can solicit dontations and name a bank where contributions can be sent. I say this, even though I practice Islam and fear Allah, because Allah HATES zulm! (opression) So I feel any wayyou can combat this man's zulm, you should.
Take pics of the ghetto ur ex lives in, and of the house he uses for his paperwork. Let the court KNOW he is a liar! Have all the kids and Sjon deposed as witnesses. Dont let any chance go to compile info against him. Get it into the court records that he paid for fertility treatments for MM. That takes money too and lots of it! You need to fight fire with fire. In fact if all this came out to the media before any kind of court date, it would at least be out there on the public record. Judges might have a hard time ignoring that--but at least try to get a free or low cost consult first from a GOOD and famous feminist lawyer. Did u put a stop on all passports? Also, try to be in touch with the one still with the ex. Dont let her go too long there. She could be your best witness as to what goes on in his house as far as unfitness for custody AND how much money he spends. I dont know what else to say, but there needs to be a publicized effort for collecting money for your case. Let us know here how to donate to YOU directly and try to get this info onto FB and any groups you r on online. Try to get it into the press. And plz update us regularly. Raabinna m3aki habibty. Ramadan kareem!
3:38 AM
Just thought---try the reporter who wrote abt your food bank experience---maybe tie it in together--how u had to go to a food bank to feed ur kids while the ex is flying in and out from his villa/business in Egypt, and paying for MM to have a kid he says he cant support.
3:42 AM
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