The Toronto Star
Did I tell you all that I interviewed for the newspaper? Well, yes....I did. Today the Toronto Star published the article.......here is the link....
http://www.thestar.com/News/GTA/article/429490
posted by Safa at 6:17 AM
Saturday, May 24, 2008
http://www.thestar.com/News/GTA/article/429490
About Me
- Name: Safa
- Location: T dot, Canada
I'm on a journey.....quietly taking timid steps as life plays in front of me....I can feel the excitment building as I take each step.....I've got a line following behind me that keeps getting longer..... Come join in the wonder.... Surely someone up there has a plan for me.......
50 Comments:
Assalamu `alaykum,
Wow sis I didn't know how you had found out about your husband's new "wife". I can't imagine how devastating it must have been. Thank God is over now and you're to better things!
Regarding the article, I was quite disgusted by Aly Hindy's comments. I "googled" him and I was not surprised. Typical Imam with ZERO training in Islamic sciences (I guess being an engineer qualifies you as an imam now), a wannabe-scholar who only spreads ignorance and stupidity. So according to him, deceiving people (especially your first wife!) is OK in Islam. Yeah, just like the prophet did, right? Moreover, the fact that the prophet stressed so many times to respect treaties with Muslims and non-Muslims alike (in Canada when we live here we in fact enter a "tacit" agreement/treaty that we will respect the laws of the country) can be just ignored. Who cares... the "sexual pleasure" and whims of men are above Allah swt's laws.
May Allah swt guide our Ummah...
6:56 AM
Ameen!
7:10 AM
Brave, brave, SAFA!!!!
9:23 AM
Wow Safa,
Very cool! I am so glad you're choosing to speak up.
*hugz*
10:58 AM
I think this is awesome! I know he wont take it well but maybe he will finally see himself for what he is a bad or ignorant muslim.
Sad they claim to be religious but know nothing about islam..
your so brave!! annonegy
3:37 PM
omg........i was totally speechless and nearly still am. what a fantastic hard hitting article. i hope he drops to his knees when he reads it. now his atrocities are exposed to the world!
7:16 PM
**standing ovation**
7:26 PM
Joining safiyyah in the standing ovation - hats off to one brave lady for taking on the 'powers that be'.
7:46 PM
what a courageous thing to do! it's a fantastic article, mashallah mashallah.
good for you safa!!! Inshallah your bravery in speaking up will help other women from feeling so lost and isolated, will put some pressure on the "imams" who condone this kind of thing, will put some heat on the men that are perpetrating these actions....
letting in some daylight on a very ugly phenomenon.
And I love how clear the point was in the article that this is a terrible perversion of what polygamy may have been about in the time of the prophet saws...
10:11 PM
congrats luv..good on ya for going public. The abuses of polygyny need to stop.
I believe in polygyny. I actually feel strongly about it, and have lived it successfully (our issues were in other areas, ironically, but the other wife wasn't one of them) alhamdulillah. Not all men are unfair, and I would choose to live this way again.
There are valid arguements on both sides..but regardless of your position, I think we can all agree that women and children need to have access to support if they need it - and that includes in polygynous situations. Time to legalize it.
2:11 AM
I forgot to add - I hope he chokes on his morning ghawa, reading it ;)
2:12 AM
You are my hero, Safa!!!
Talking about it so openly takes a whole load of courage.
11:43 AM
great Safa!!!! congratulations, and you look great in the pic!!!;-)
2:31 PM
Asalaam alaikum Safa! Yes, u had mentioned the article in a previous post, thanks for sharing it with us! I read it all, and I did not like this part:
"But conducting such unions in clear violation of Canadian law is wrong, according to Syed Mumtaz Ali, president of the Canadian Society of Muslims...."Muslims should not enter into polygamy while they are living in Canada, because the local Canadian law prevails. It overrules the Islamic law if there is a conflict between the two," he said."
It would be NICE if since some countries prohibit polygamy, it could be off-limits for Muslims in those countries, but the truth is that Islamic law must prevail for Muslims, not the Kafir laws.
Wow, so do u know if your hubbex saw this? Lol. If so, how did he react?
Very brave of you Safa! Everything you do, I am amazed, when I get a phone, I HOPE you give me your number, I must speak with you inshaAllah!
4:08 PM
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4:42 PM
Wow. Great article. You're awesome!
Had my mouth open at this:
"That's why Hindy advises men to keep the second marriage a secret as long as they can, even from the first wife."
What a ridiculous human being.
6:59 PM
Salaam;
Great job, Safa! :) It would've been nice if the journalist had contacted an actual Muslim scholar on the issue, instead of relying on someone like Hindy (subhana'Allah!! an engineer!!) for an "Islamic" viewpoint. Sheikh Faraz Rabbani, for example, is not only a trained Muslim scholar but he is Canadian to boot. What more could ya wish for?
Mumina -- not to disagree with you, but many Islamic scholars have ruled (including Sheikh Rabbani) that if a Muslim is living in a country which prohibits polygyny, then polygyny should not be practiced, since polygyny is not integral to the practice of Islam (i.e., if the laws prohibited a necessary part of Islam [such as salat], then the Muslim would have to break the law, but polygyny is not a necessary part of Islam so Muslims should not break the laws of the country that they live in).
7:56 PM
Safa I am so very proud of you. I don't comment on this blog, but I do read your every post and have for some time now. You have come a very long way girl. Keep holding your head high. I have grown to really care about you!
11:26 PM
Assalamu `alaykum,
I just wanted to clarify something regarding what sister Mumina said.
The person who wrote that thing of "Canada laws prevail over islamic laws" did not express himself properly.
Islamic law ALWAYS prevails and Islam ALWAYS has an answer for every situation.
In this case, what does Islamic law say? Well.. this case belong to the sphere of "fiqh of Muslim minorities" which is the fiqh of Muslims living in non-Muslim lands.
When Muslims live in non-Muslim lands, they enter an agreement with the government, the way the prophet entered in agreement with many non-Muslim tribes, even with the people of Madina. And the prophet told us many, many, many times, to "respect your oaths/agreements/treaties". When you live in the US/Canada, etc. you enter an agreement that you will respect the laws of the country. So as muslims we are OBLIGED to respect the laws of Canada, not because Canadian law is above islamic law, but because it's ISLAMIC LAW that tells us to respect them.
Now, what if there was a law in Canada that said that Muslims can't pray? Well in that case, that would be deemed as religious opression. Then we could do 2 things: either do hijra, or do jihad (it can be jihad in the courts!)
So there is NO provision from the Quran or the sunnah where we can "sneakily" violate an agreement (ie. break the law by doing this "half secret" marriages), and on top of that, getting into these marriages makes you have to lie all the time, to the state, to people, etc. And there are only VERY few provisions for Muslims in which they can lie... and lying to hide a second wife to the state is not one.
So no, the ISLAMIC thing in this countries is to not take a second wife, no matter how much you want it, even it the first wife wants to.
All the best,
Me
11:57 PM
Thank you so much Alienbea and Caminante - I was chomping at the bit - but as I am not Muslim figured I should keep my trap shut. I am sooo glad that you clarified this - that it is required to obey the law of the land - except in cases where the law prohibits that which is a 'requirement' of the religion.
5:00 AM
Thanks so much Caminante!! I could have never explained it like you did. A lot of people think that way when they are in America or Canada!!
Right on!!
7:24 AM
LOL! Yeah, I read the part about so-called "Islamic Law" prevailing but you other sisters got to it before me.
Safa, you know how much I admire you but can I just reiterate how happy I am that you are on this path?
Love you,
PM
8:53 AM
Safa..I can't seem to subscribe to this blog. Did you close the rss-feed on purpose?
9:05 AM
Well, regarding the law of the country thing that Caminante pointed out, the Muslims who enter polygyny in these countries are NOT breaking the law. They are not married legally right? It is not officially bigamy, so they are not breaking the law. Under ISLAMIC law, they are married, before Allah, and I don't believe that their unions are any less recognized by Allah than people who are married under the law of the land. Allahu alim there however - I could be wrong, but I really still believe that if there is a law that is contrary to Islam, the Islamic law is what we as Muslims should consult while at the same time not breaking the laws on the country we live in. And it is true that polygyny is not a requirement for us Muslims, not a LAW of Islam, but it is acceptable and permissible by Allah so therefore I think that prevails over whether a country's government bans it, especially when the unions are being performed under Islamic recognizance and not breaking the country's law.
11:46 AM
Good job Safa!! Im very proud of you! Umm Sa'ud.
2:51 PM
great job Safa!! Good article!
5:08 PM
Masha'Allah Masha'Allah! I'm glad you took the bull by the horns and made it seen. I really hope your ex saw this and I hope those that know him will tsk him openly.
Did your kids see this? Maybe I haven't read far enough back or understood correctly from what I have read but how has this Really effected your kids ideas abou tmarraige and ideas about hte rights of Poly? Do most of them (that are old enough to understand) why you divorced? Do you think they are scarred by this event more so than a normal divorce? SOrry if I'm all up in your business I've jsut always wondered what kids go through in a Poly and the divorce if that happens. I was once thinking of Poly but that's a big IF becuase first comes my kids. Thanks. I hated the line the so called imam used about divorce ruining your life.....doesn't look that way for you :) Congrats again for getting it out.
6:10 PM
Assalamu `alaykum,
To comment further regarding sister Mumina's post.
The most important thing in Islam is to avoid haram and do the fard. So if by doing a sunnah act (i.e. polygyny) you are doing haram, then you miss the point of doing the sunnah. Then you are not really trying to do things for the pleasure of Allah swt BUT for your own pleasure and whims.
In the US and Canada, for someone to be prosecuted for polygamy, it is not necessary that they are married legally by the state. I know this for a fact because my husband is a lawyer and he had to study this when he was preparing his bar exam :)
If you live in a husband/wife situation with 2 or more people, then you are considered as breaking the law and being persecuted.
Personally I think that law makes no sense (especially since adultery is not persecuted by the state) but the law is the law.
The planet earth is a vast place. Allah swt has asked us to RESPECT contracts. Period. So if someone wants to practise polygamy, all he has to do is take a plane and go to a place where it's allowed. It's as easy as that.
Practising polygamy in these counties (US, Canada) implies:
1. Lying repeatedly to the state, to people, to public officers, to neighbors, and God knows to whom else.
2. Breaking the law of the land, even though we are COMMANDED by Allah swt to respect agreements
3. Being usually unfair to the wives, since one marriage is usually registered (i.e. the wife has all the protection of the law) and the other isn't. With so many hadiths regarding what's gonna happen to unjust husbands... i can't believe some people are willing to risk it
4. Risking the marriage not being valid since according to some schools of jurisprudence, the marriage needs to be made public for it to be valid. Since you have to "hide" the second marriage from the state and others, then it's not really public. So basically, you even risk committing zina... who would risk it???
Practising polygamy in these countries involves so much doing haram and hiding, and doing unIslamic things that really, I don't know many God-fearing people who would do it. And I can't get through my head how people would think that they're upholding Islamic values!!
If you want to practise polygamy just go to a country that allows for it. Why risk angering Allah swt for something that it's not even a recommended sunnah in Islam??
And Allah swt knows best.
7:32 PM
Amen, Amen Amen Caminante - such a pleasure to read such a sane and sensible stand point.
10:00 PM
salaam aleikum
Would that this be published in an islamic magazine/newspaper (in arabic, in egypt....) so the "man" of our umma can read what some of our man of our umma, are doing to some of the women of our umma!!
And eventually the best and the converted women of our umma.
Do you know how many women I know here in my envirnment, quitting islam, they once chosen for, because of the misbehavier of some man in our umma? OK I don't agree quitting islam for this, but i can imagine why.
It's great from you telling and warning people, but I am afraid publishing this in a western newspaper and some people will think, islam is all about this and oppressing women.
Discussion about whether or not polygyny it's allowed in western countries is interesting.
In my country you can make any contract at an lawyer (if you are smart) and live together, you can even marry if you are gay!
But in the end Allah will judge about what we are doing.
ummu Omar
5:55 AM
Another thing is that the prophet SAW went to non-muslim tribes and entered into oaths with them. THe prophet SAW told his followers to always keep their oaths.....so how is it that when some of the muslims come to Canada and pledge their oath to the queen to follow Cdn law....that now they flaunt it?
So okay....it's an islamic marriage and before Allah, they are sealed. Basically the brother marries the sister based on his good word to take care of her, be fair with her and be a God-fearing husband to her.
But what if that changes? What recourse does the sister have? Isn't the concept of marriage and polygyny because a woman needs protection??
Where is the support for the 2nd wife?
So the man goes back on his word....he leaves the sister eventually after a couple of years of struggle and heartache...(and good sex?).....she has a child, maybe two......she's been on welfare......what else?
She can't sue him for spousal support!!
Can she sue him for child support?
Can she sue to stay in the matrimonial home? (will the gov't even recognize that?)
Can she sue him for half his belongings?
In Canada, a woman allowing herself to fall in the category of Islamic Marriage leaves herself wide open for abuse. In the eyes of the gov't....her husband is no more than a sugar daddy......it's true.
And perhaps there are brothers out there who are doing this really well, and managing two households and have found the secret formula.......
perhaps.
I haven't heard about it yet.
6:07 AM
Salaams Ummu Omar:
Are you saying there is a "Muslim county" where gays can legally marry? (I am assuming you are writing from outside US/Canada?)
8:46 AM
Caminante--I think I love you. . .
7:34 PM
Assalaamu alaikum sister.
I am sorry to rain on the parade....I was apprehensive when I heard you gave an interview, and now my fears are concerned. I understand that you want to change how these situations are being handled - but going to the kufaar for advertisement of this problem is just helping them to disrespect Islam and muslims. It gives them one MORE reason to dislike muslims and complain about Islam - especially in "their" country. Can you imagine how this sounds to them? "Those sneaky muslims! All those illegitimate marriages!" In my opinion, it just fuels the fire. The land of non-muslims does not understand polygyny, nor its rulings, and they will not want to understand or sympathise. Publicising this - in this way - is giving them only a slice of a complex picture. This type of partial information serves to enhance their already misinformed, biased position, which leads to hostile treatment of perfectly innocent residents, perfectly good muslims. Wallahu alim, of course. As I said though - I understand your desire to speak out, to create protection and compassion for women who ARE mistreated and duped and stuck...it just doesn't seem like this avenue is the solution. What do you think, sister? You are creative and intelligent so I am interested to hear.
11:22 PM
sorry, i meant my fears are "confirmed," not concerned. salaamu alaikum.
11:23 PM
Anonymous I think, sadly, many muslims don't understand polygyny either. This is why our dear sister safa was in that situation.
Too bad many of us think it is better to criticize safa for her efforts rather than the ones responsible for harming her.
12:14 AM
Salaam Alaikum Anonymous --
I disagree. The muslims who break the laws in the land they are living in ARE sneaky and distrustful.
I think Safa did a great service to Muslims and that overshadows your concern about the "kuffar" in my opinion.
3:27 AM
Anon, this issue needs to be addressed. If "kuffar" countries are good enough to live in, they are good enough for us to have an open debate in. This issue can affect everyone. Where I live, we have a lot of Somali families living on welfare and in polygamous marriages, and it can have disastrous consequences on the community. Sure, there is a lot of ignorance about Islam in the west. What is the cure for that? It certainly is not to stonewall and pretend that everything is always hunky dory. People can see through that. I don't think you are assigning to non-Muslims the ability to think in nuanced terms. They can, trust me.
7:38 AM
Safa thank you for posting the article, it was an interesting and eye opening read. Regarding the Imams going against the laws of Canada and "blessing" these marriages. Why the deceit? Imams are supposed to be someone to go to for guidance, right? I am sorry you went and are still going through this terrible time. But ahumdallah, you are getting stronger and stronger every day, we can see it in your writing.
7:56 AM
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8:55 AM
You know what I think? I think that perhaps they'll look at the dawgs and say they are dawgs....but when the kuffar look at me? What do they see?
A strong woman, brave...standing up against injustice. I bet they don't even notice I"m wearing hijab.
And that's where I've done a service for the muslims. Our women aren't obedient doormats and our husbands aren't easily living in harems.
(dawghawses, my dear!)
8:55 AM
Well I have to agree safiyyah. If some triffling so called muslims are going to kuffar land to do their dirt and try to keep it hush hush, then it is A OKAY for them to be exposed in the kuffar lands. It's not safa who is exposing what needed to be exposed who is at fault for giving islam a bad name, its the ones who are doing these type of things that are giving it a bad name.
He done his dirt in Canada now let him be exposed in Canada and all the ones like him. I don't feel it gives islam a bad name anyhow, more it should benefit from it. Because of this exposure, we are eliminating the weeds from a flourishing crop.
9:11 AM
I think that, if anything, seeing Safa's photo in the paper and reading her story might endear some women, Muslim or otherwise, to the problems that women face regardless of where they come from or how they worship.
There will always be people who seek out information that reaffirms their beliefs. That can't be avoided. My experience in the Islamic world is that sometimes shaming offenders is what needs to happen for things to change.
9:33 AM
Hi Safa! I think my comment failed.
I read the page. Can I link it at my page?
I really don't understand how a man can do this all, and a imam support this. How can a man not tell his first wife he is going to marry another??? And why marry another? To me, there is no reason to this. :(
Be happy you and your pretty kids!
3:43 PM
Hey there Safa:)
Sorry I'm late to post here as usual. It was a very informative and thought provoking article. I support you 100% in what you have done. It's about time someone had the guts to speak out openly about it. You go girl!
Sending big hugs to you and your children. May God continue to bless you now and in the days ahead.
4:38 PM
AA,
Safa I am proud of you. I am so proud I did a post about you onmy blog. I am sad to see how people just want to take a mans side or tell you that what you did was wrong.
My question is why do people worry about how nonMuslims see Muslims? IF the Muslims were acting in a Islamic way there would be no problem. Let them look all they want. The problem is they are acting worse than the non Muslim. Muslims have no excuse when they do these things becuase WE have rules and should know better!!!!
AnD the thing is it doesnot matter what land you are in men are men and a dog is a dog. They act badly in the so called Muslim countries as well and The muslims from the states and canada come here to these "muslim" countries and bring their nasty behaviour along with them. That is my next post the muslim with the ghetto mentality.
7:18 PM
I just still cannot believe the imam tells the men to hide it from their wives because of the misunderstandings and trouble it would cause. . .did this man study his own religion at all? I am amazed.
1:47 PM
Oh, LL&LI.......its so true.....why do we worry about how non muslims will see me, but not worry about the reason that put me in the paper in the first place?
Some ppl brought up some good points to me....in fact, a sister who I have come to regard as a good friend played devils advocate with me. And we discussed islamic and moral reasons why my article could be viewed as wrong. Yes, I can see that perspective.
I had my own reasons for going ahead with the article. And I don't regret it.
8:59 PM
Safa,
You are such a sweetie, mashaAllah. I am not your good friend who played "devil's advocate," but I am that same Anon who posed the antithetical response above. (choosing to remain Anon for the time being 'cause I didn't want to get jumped ;) )
I am so glad to see your response here and that you are not fazed. If you feel it is right in your heart to do, then I support you because the heart has clarity and acts on guidance inshaAllah. You are in that situation, not me, so perhaps that gave you insight about what needed to be said.
So good job, sweetie. You have so many people loving you and cheering for you and praying for what is best for you, mashaAllah. It's good to keep these honest lines of communication open because through them inshaAllah we can all work towards an understanding and appreciation.
love you for the sake of Allah,
Anon
8:11 AM
I totally thought I commented on here...but apparently not! I commend you for having the courage to speak out about what hubbex has done. You have developed such a strong, inner courage that will surely be the best example for all your girls. Keep it up! And I'm proud of you! :o)
5:24 AM
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