ohhhhh.......to be chosen......
Hubbex brought back the papers on Sunday. He didn't ask me to come out again. All signed.....ready to be stamped by the courts seal of approval.
I feel great that I've come this far. That I've worked this out as quickly as I have. I feel empowered by my choices. And sometimes......just sometimes.......I feel weak.
Don't get me wrong.....I'm not weak because I doubt myself......I feel weak because the wound that I've been licking for so long isn't going to heal. I've had to chop off the limb. And that's not easy. It's not even easy thinking about it and trying to put it into words.
I've heard that people missing limbs can still live very fulfilling lives. And I really feel like that. That I can live a fulfilling life.
I WILL live a fulfilling life.
SubhanAllah...........
I've been spending so much time trying to refocus myself........trying to grab on to something that will allow me to remain firm and stable. And I believe that education is going to be my stronghold.
Yes, I'm going to go to University. I need to change my life settings and do something. Insha Allah, I can work out a schedule that will work for me and the kids and even my mother. Allah has a plan for me.......
~~~~~~
For mothers day my oldest daughter gave me a card. And in it she told me that she got top marks on one of her writing assignments. She had to write about the person that she admires the most.......and she picked me.
I can't tell you how that made me feel. She picked me.
At 15 years of age, my mother would have been last on my list. Are you feeling me on that one? Surely she made me feel great.......and that just maybe......tomorrow will bring blue skies........off all my happy moments in my life.....the day I converted to islam.....the day of my marriage......the birth of my children........this day tops it all.
My daughter picked me.
posted by Safa at 10:10 AM
18 Comments:
Hey safa, it's great to see that you are moving forward. NO matter how hard it is you continue to take steps in the right direction. While people who lose limbs can lead fulfilling live, they do go through a mourning period. Let yourself be said for what could have been...for what you dreamed and planned for you life. BUT don't let it hold you back...remember that what you had planned wasn't what allah had planned for you. Keep moving forward with his plan. In time, that wound will heal and you will live your life and forget that something was taken.
As for school, can you enroll in a community type college? I went back to school when my son was one year old. I enrolled in an associates program and 2 1/2 years later I graduated while going part-time. I think it's best to get into the swing of things before you dive head first into university. Best wishes safa.
11:32 AM
we all pick you, Safa...
12:12 PM
awwwwwww this post made me cry!!!!! You are such a wonderful & amazing woman safa. And the same goes for your children..
2:54 PM
Maash'Allah that brought tears to my eyes -- the part about your daughter and the part about you going to uni. You know my story so I am REALLY feeling you on this.
I love you, Safa,
PM
3:13 PM
you are not the same person that we came to know in egypt. you are the strongest of the strong. and you deserve the honor that your daughter bestowed upon you.
3:22 PM
I am so proud of you,Safa....
4:17 PM
You have indeed come a long way in a short time. I am convinced you can and will be successful at whatever you set out to do.
I am proud of you and very blessed to have followed your journey. You are still such an inspiration to me.
You are teaching your daughters to be strong women some day. As they get older they will begin to realize more and more what a good, decent, strong and determined Mother they have. Your oldest already has, bless her heart. I KNOW that made your day!
5:42 PM
See? Mature!
5:56 PM
Safa, I am so proud of you! Seriously! Mashallah! I cant tell you how happy I am that you are going to school. Thats the one thing no one can take fromyou. An education. you go girl.
6:27 PM
You must be doing something right... for your dd to have picked you!
Way to go with going to university! You will make a success of whatever you choose to do with your life!
11:56 PM
And what a role model you are - your dd was very insightful to have chosen you - you have shown her so much through your choices - from patience - to strength - to weakness - and yes weakness can be a good thing - grow from it - education is certainly the way to go - nobody said it would be easy - just worth it. You will 'regrow' the limb that has been 'cut off' - time will heal - life will progress and you will continue to grow and be stronger - you are an awesome woman - keep on being who you are.
1:49 AM
Why would that suprise you Safa? You are amazing and your children know that. That should show you that you are setting an example for your girls to be strong women. Good luck on going back to school, I agree with the others, start small in a community college and see how it goes, then move on to bigger things. Good luck sis, in all you do.
5:40 AM
Masha'Allah! I also got all teary reading this post.
Safa, I know sometimes you can't see it, but everybody who has known you and your path can attest that you truely are an amazing woman.
And we'll cheer for your education too, so what do you want to study?
Love,
11:00 AM
MashAllah, this post gave me so much happiness in my heart for you.
Allahu akbar.
12:29 PM
That's awesome, and it speaks volumes for the sort of mother and friend you are to the kids. I know I wouldn't have written something like that about my mother when I was a teenager. It shows just how mature your eldest is.
2:06 PM
I can feel your daughter on this one....she sees you as the strong rock that has held her family together (and she's old enough to understand the crap that hubbex put you all through). At her age, I think I probably would have picked my mom too because she was a very strong woman and I don't think we would have made it through our rough times if she wasn't so strong.
6:19 PM
step by step luv..alhamdulillah
1:27 PM
this is one of your most awesome posts ever, masha Allah. Awesome about going back to school. And awesome about your daughter picking you. Masha allah!
2:07 PM
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