dumb couch potato dad...
Guess where I was today? The lawyers. We are drawing up the custody/support agreement. My lawyer has been in the business for 24 years and today he told me something. He said that I shouldn't expect the hubbex to ever pay support.....most don't. It irked me to hear him say that, but I have to listen to him. I mean.....from where I"m standing.....it would be really stupid of me to say....."oh no...the kids father will pay" Based on what? Have I seen a penny from him? Any sort of help? Does the box of groceries that cost him $51 count??
And it's so frustrating not having a vehicle!!! I want to bring the kids to the park with the river that runs through it. I want to go to the halaqahs on the weekend with ALL the kids. So much that I want to do with the kids.......and everytime its the vehicle that gets me. The organization that was helping me to buy a car gave me $1000. I still have it. And am still looking for a mini van that's worth $1000. Not.
Now if the hubbex would just give me some money!! This is DAMN FRUSTRATING! Today I'm just mad at him. It's time that I just took care of my children and myself and not expect anything from him. I mean, I do that already....but I just have to take care of business, u know? Can't expect that I have a fallback plan.
Now I'm working on a good post for tomorrow.......see you all then!
posted by Safa at 1:36 PM
11 Comments:
Wow...I didn't think your husband could sink any further, but not paying support would surely do that. Are there any teaching assistant positions in your kids school? I think they're called "para-professionals." This might be one way to generate income on a part-time basis. It's hard w/the little guy right now, but if you could work out some child care w/ your mother it would generate some cash.
6:56 PM
Salam Safa..
Just an FYI that my mom does have a minivan for sale.... not sure if she mentioned it to you or not. I know she doesnt like selling stuff to friends because of the whole dont mix business with friends and families thing; but i know she could use the money, so who knows... but ask her if ur interested..
~Aisha
7:27 PM
Salaam, Safa;
We have bought cars on a very tight budget many times. Scour Craigslist, scour the local classifieds, and don't be afraid to bargain. The worst the seller can say is "no", right? Insha'Allah khair. Trust your gut. :)
8:32 PM
Safa - you know you can do it - and to heck with him - let him deal with his Allah - you will be blessed many times over and unfortunately he will not. Take care of yourself and your kids - and let Allah look after him - because - believe you me - he will. Love ya - cheering for you - you go girl.
11:43 PM
P.S. He is not a couch potato dad - he is a dead beat dad - he is going to 'lose' so much - would be interesting to be a fly on the wall when Allah applies the proverbial 2 x 4.
11:44 PM
I know you are worried about many things, but so far so many other things just kind of fell into place. I am sure Allah is looking out for you and will provide what you need when the time is right.
11:46 PM
i am doing a lot of divorce cases in my country and yes my advice will be the same,dont expect anything from your hubbex.i know it sounds so cruel and the idea that the husband just walking away without any responsibility hurts but that's the way it is.
i just dont know why when it comes to other aspect of Islam, people are so concerned etc but maintenance?it is like an after thot.
in my country men usually are more afraid to default on their car payments thengiving money to their own flesh and blood.
i have seen the hurt in many mother's eyes yet i can just console them that Allah is always merciful,one door closes many others will open.
i know its hard and each time i am handling such cases my heart broke.
7:32 AM
Ya SAFA!!! How I totally feel this post - knowing that the chances of an ex-husband paying the needed amount of support is so slim. I was a victim of my own stupid naivete (for the millionth time) thinking that I'd be ok when I demanded to divorce my kids father. Yeah right. Very quickly reality dawned and scared me.
No matter that there is the Qur'an and Sunnah to guide us, men are men no matter what they believe in, and their needs and desires come first, even before their children. Isn't that ridiculous? Knowing how, as mothers, we will do ANYTHING to get our kids what they need, and then seeing the men ignore the problems caused when they don't fulfill their role is so frustrating, and I can never get used to that.
As someone reminded me recently, Allah does not allow bad things to occur unless something eventually good were to come out of it, even if we do not perceive it. Trying to hold onto that promise during the hard times is all we can do, and will help us keep our heads up.
YOU keep yours up Safa. Well, you are doing that anyway. I am not nearly as strong as you, but I hope to be as I possibly take a plunge back into making justice for myself.
7:38 AM
Safa, perhaps there is a way that you could set up child/spousal support through the court system so that he pays it directly to them, and they disperse it to you. I have a couple of friends whose child support comes to them this way. Not only do they not have to deal with the EX, but having to deposit their child support payments with the district attorney seems to have intimidated the EX husbands into paying when they otherwise might not have. I think it also makes it easier for the court system to step in and attach wages and bank accounts if the EX doesn't pay.
1:46 AM
Assalam alaikum, can't they "make" him pay in Canada?? Your kids are beautifull, mashaa Allah. I wish you the best!!
3:42 AM
Salaaams ya Safa...*huggggs* I haven't had a minute to breathe till now, and have been catching up on your blog. I'll call you soon insha Allah - unfortunately I know all too well the frustrations of the canadian child support system. You'll be fine insha Allah - because you're going to rely on your own abilities and finances and not his - it'll be a bonus when you get it, but you'll manage when you don't. Like the rest of us. And on the day of qiyamah....justice will be done. Alhamdulillah. The kids look so beautiful masha Allah...and yes they DO look arab and alhamdulillah for that! huggggs talk soon, love huda
12:00 AM
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