Seeing the signs......
I just opened a new bar of soap yesterday afternoon. The kids were getting all washed up and presentable...LOL.....and the soap was just about done. So a new bar was in order. You got to love the smell of a new bar of soap. For me, it's all about Camay Classic or Protex. I live for the smell of these two soaps....and rarely buy anything different.Late last night, when it's finally my turn to jump in the shower.....I get the water just right and hop in.....and you know what I find?
Half a bar of soap.
Oh no....not like it's been half used....it's been BROKEN in half!! I rescue the other half from behind the shampoo. HOW ON EARTH, did the kids break it in half? Thats not easy to do!!
The half that was behind the shampoo was sticky, so I try to stick it back together and spread all the soap over it.
But I can still see the crack. I don't want to see that crack.
So, I put it aside and let it "dry" for a second while I wash my hair.
When I come back to the soap...I still see it. It starts to bother me. I say to myself....even with the split so obvious, it still is okay to use....so I start using it.....then I accidentally drop it, and it breaks in two. I start to cry...........because of the half bar of soap.
In desperation, I reach for it again, and it escapes my hands, the way slippery soap does....and end up chasing it around the bath tub. I grab it! Then slowly, painstakingly, I start to try to close that fissure again. I don't want it to show after I'm done...I want it to look whole. After a good 5 mins of "fixing" the soap again......I'm depleted. It shows. Sigh.
NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY, THE DAMN THING SHOWS!!!
And I feel myself getting PO'd! JEEZ!! I can feel the weakness at the break in the soap.....I know it can't be used as vigorously as before.....and the DARN crack is showing up nice!! Can you feel my anger??
...because of the half bar of soap?
45 mins in the shower, and I'm still upset about this soap......and finally...I put it in the soap tray and look at it. I look at this half bar, temporarily made whole. Weak at the seams. Fragile. A big hurt in plain view. It smells good. It still looks like soap. But it's in pain. It has been changed in a way that can never be totally healed.....
....this half bar of soap.
I sit looking at it, at the lesson it is showing me. And take Joy in the fact that Allah has not forgotten me. That even in the most mundane task of life, Allah has sent me a message. I remember that Allah sends signs for those who see. And I praise Allah with mighty praise...because I have seen.... Yes, I have seen myself....
.....in a half bar of soap.
posted by Safa at 3:01 AM
18 Comments:
Hi Safa, that was a beautifully worded post, and your point struck a cord with me as well. It is a good reminder for all of us, I think.
And as a side note, I recycle my bits of soap into new bars - Place the scraps in a saucepan, cover with water and allow to soak for 24 hours, giving an occasional stir. Bring to the boil, remove from heat and add a tablespoon of vegetable oil to each cupful of the soap mixture. Pour the mixture into suitable molds and allow to harden for two weeks before use. I found bar soap molds at the craft store.
If you want to use your soap after 24 hours, omit the vegetable oil from the recipe.
8:44 AM
Assalamu 'alaykum. Alhamdulillah sister, you have made me cry so many times with your posts... it's almost like what you write reaches the deep corners of my soul.
I pray that Allah swt eases your pain soon and helps you get out of this unfair situation...InSha'Allah, good and unexpected things will be waiting for you after this too-long storm.
10:44 AM
I see here the sign that you are over burdened and depressive. Soap bars don't mend themselves, and neither will you. You're more than brave, but you really need help, and with all that stress and pain, who would not ?
11:21 AM
Tks Weekends off....I've done ur recipe without the veggie oil.....but most times I just squish it all back together...LOLOL!
Tks Caminante....
Marie....I know I need help....I do. I have some great internet friends who have really gotten me up off my feet....I have a great friend who calls me all the time....we are like a buddy system......
1:55 PM
Asalamalaykom Soapy Safa,
A true "Soap Opera".
Oh....well-written...well-thought out...well, well, well.
Still sad as hell.
Those signs from God. They are meant for you. Others, when you tell them, they might not see, but you do. And it was meant for you.
Do you remember mine? It was a grammar exercise written in a textbook. It was from Egypt, and had sat in my house since his nephews had left. I hadn't opened it for a year, and when I did, I saw on that page:
"Although he loved his wife, he divorced her."
Yep. In bold and staring me right in the face. Subanallah.
So! Deep breath. Take Allah for the sign. Know that you only have half a marriage--and that's your half...all of it coming from you. And that will help you get clean.
My love to you!
9:43 PM
HA....I remember that so well....but if I remember right, it was an exercise and it started by saying
"Ex. Although he loved his wife, he divorced her."
Remember?
Bold and staring you in the face. Staring me in the face.
And I did come clean in the end.....I took an extremely LONG shower....almost an hour!! And scubbed and just let the water pour over me.
I thank Allah for the sign, and I thank Allah for letting the kids be busy with other things, so that I could receive it!!
LOL!! (5 kids and a long shower IS something to be thankful for!!)
2:43 AM
Salam everyone,
the way i see it is like this - even if your hubby decides to come back to you, the crack in your family will always be there. No matter how you try, the break in your family will always be felt by you and the kids.
Your hubby can try to mold the family back together, but that break down the middle will always stay with you.
Walaikumsalam
Starlight
how's the little fella doing?
8:54 AM
That was the jist of the story my dear Starlight!!
The crack still shows....
11:14 AM
I think you and HA have weird issues with soap, feeling dirty, and becoming clean.
11:19 AM
If that's all you understood, Anon 11:19 am, from my post and HA's post.....then you've sadly missed the point.
Sigh....the beauty of such posts are all for naught when you receive ignorant comments like this....
11:24 AM
Even bigger 'sigh'.........
there are some people who dont have deep thoughts, they cant read between the lines and dont/ cant connect with the soul.
Every rain drop and every leaf has a purpose. There is a message and a lesson behind everything in our lives. For some people the 'penny drops' when a major incident happens in their lives, for others its in the smallest of things in their daily lives.
Walaikumsalam
Starlight
2:00 PM
Safa, I love the way you pick out the little things in your life and derive lessons from them. Someone here once said that you should write a book, I agree. When your kids older and you have time, you should REALLY consider it.
And you know what I always feel whenever I read your posts? I envy your faith, your eeman... I wish I could reach the level you're at... I've probably said this before but I say it again, your courage and patience in the face of this calamity is such commendable mashaAllah! Bravo!
2:25 PM
Tks for the support, Starlight!
I really should consider it, Marigold....nice to see u made ur way over here......
2:53 PM
Well I always make my way here.. every time I'm on my blog-reading spree.. you're on my blogroll, silly! The question is, am I on yours????? MUHAHHAHA!!
3:06 PM
Asalamlayakom Speak-for-Yourself Safa,
Hey, girl! Anonymous is right! I do have issues with shower gel!
But, HEY! It's better than being scared of bridges!
Oh, wait...I have issues with that too!
Okay...let me get back to you...
4:52 PM
Love to you HA....perhaps we can start a rehab....not sure what to call it tho...
Soap Bar Anonymous
Shower Gel Anonymous
Items that make you become clean Anonymous?
Fat and Lye Lovers Anonymous
Well?? Anyways....opinions are welcome on the blog....even if I don't "get" them when they don't "get" me.......
1:27 AM
Salaam Alaikum Safa,
I also think you need to get some help in terms of counseling. What you are going through, coupled with the recent pregnancy and birth, could lead to serious depression. Please see what counseling services are available for you and make an appointment. I don't think I could have gotten my life back on track last winter without some outside perspective.
It takes a lot to work up to that step -- locating, calling and visiting a counselor for the first time -- but it brings great relief.
Take care,
PM
4:30 AM
I wonder when I open a new bar of soap if I will get the same experience! ;)
Smooches :)
10:31 AM
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