No response...
Text message that I sent two days ago to hubby. It's been almost 30 days that he hasnt talked to me......
I am thankful to Allah for the goodness that has come out of our marriage. It has been 2 yrs of surprises and pain.
Alhamdulillah for the baby.
You have forgotten where your priorities are. You should be putting effort in your family. Your egyptian family. You are not fair with me and ar not being kind with me. Save yourself from more punishment of the hell fire. Divorce me.
Divorce me.
~~~~~
Now it's been two days since that SMS....he called today...and talked to the kids and then hung up.
ABSOLUTELY NO RESPONSE.
I've sent the letter to the sheikh and after my guests leave...I'm going to talk to BIL.
posted by Safa at 12:57 PM
17 Comments:
Asalamalaykom SMS Safa,
Girlie, I know you are trying. Make a longer list. Type out allll the things you are really grateful for from this man---this all too human man. Look at them. Cry. Thank him outloud (though his miles away) for each and every blessing he brought into your life. And then thank God for giving you your husband. And thank God if your husband needs to be taken away.
Love to you---always.
2:55 PM
Dear sister, you are allowing him to push aside this issue. This seems to be his pattern. Start standing up for yourself. And demanding him to talk to you about all this
3:27 PM
Hello,
Why are you waiting for him? Can't you initiate divorce proceedings? You don't have to have his permission to divorce him..he has already divorced you in his mind long ago..why wait till he decides (he may be trying to get things arranged to his benefit)..Saying "divorce me" still seems to me as if you are asking his permission ...
4:06 PM
What when did this happen you never told me about this......I feel so left out of the loop...Damnit
6:19 PM
mashallah h.a., that's true. i'm going thru a divorce too right now and it's hard to remember - al hamdolilah for ALL of it... the marriage and the divorce
it's God who brings us into this world and takes us out of it, who gives us everything we have... and for sure we will leave this world without any of it...
hang in there safa
xx
sarah
10:03 PM
Assalamu alaikum..
Yes I can initiate the divorce....
Because of the issues surrounding a Khula....I've been hoping that I'd be able to have him divorce me.
A lot to explain, which I won't start to do here.
BUT, I have done the necessary things...I've asked for a divorce TWICE.....I've sent emails to his SHEIKH in Canada...AND....after my company leaves...I'll be going downstairs to talk to his brother very seriously.
If after all that, I'm still WAITING here, I shall seek Khula.
You have to remember, that although I am "slow" to respond to this situation...that I have taken firm, well-planted steps, that have suited me at every turn.
I'm not prone to hastiness or impulsiveness. I'm taking this step by step, my own speed. And I'm slowly walking towards the door.
4:32 AM
Safa, you have cajones, my dear. Be strong.
9:32 AM
You must be very careful what you do. Get legal advice fast, preferably from Canada.
Note this..
Since 2000, Egyptian women have had the option of filing for no-fault divorce (khula). But to do so, they must agree to forfeit their financial rights and repay the dowry given to them by their husbands upon marriage. Adopted as a way to speed up the divorce process, no-fault divorce still requires women to petition the court to terminate their marriages.
“An Egyptian woman seeking a divorce finds herself between a rock and a hard place,” said LaShawn R. Jefferson, executive director of the Women’s Rights Division of Human Rights Watch. “If she files for a fault-based divorce, she has to endure years of legal uncertainty. To obtain a faster no-fault divorce, she must sign away all her financial rights.”
Read this article please...you must be very careful..Egypt is not woman-friendly in law.
http://hrw.org/english/docs/2004/11/29/egypt9728.htm
9:35 AM
You probably know all that..I realize now..Egyptian law is really scary...unless you are wealthy woman you are powerless to obtain a divorce if it is your wish to have any type of maintenance for your children...women are treated so badly under these laws in this Muslim country..
9:52 AM
assalamu aleikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuhu,
I always suspected that your husband was pushing you to ask for a divorce so he would not be responsible. Now I see that he would not be responsible in more than one way...
please be careful and seek legal advice, especially about custody and maintainance rights for your children,
2:18 PM
Asalamalaykom Anonymous,
It is my understanding that whether or not you ask for khula...which I did, though in the US...the child support remains.
He is responsible for maintaining children 100% for life. Since 4 are girls, he must support them until they marry.
"Women are treated so badly under these laws"?
HA! I disagree! If you look at the fact that my ex's business debt that he incurred was considered MINE too under US law. And I have no right to MY money, or MY property--it's all split 50/50! Under US laws, a woman's money is her husband's! This is a major reason I WILL NOT be going for US Legal marriage.
And there are VERY FEW Muslim countries with Sharia as their law. Egypt, for example, has a colonial system of law NOT sharia. Really, Egypt is a country of Muslims, but NOT a Muslim country. You could say Saudi is...but who else? Not many.
And let's not blame a perfect religion for it's misguided followers. :)
3:31 PM
Re the previous comment:
I suggest you read up on Egyptian law re divorce...Safa has to be very careful..children are not provided for in 'khula' cases very often..you say in the US everything is split 50-50 .. "a woman's money is her husband's" and it works vice versa too..a husband's money is his wife's...it's called equality of law..
Read this article about the reality in Egypt
http://hrw.org/reports/2004/egypt1204/1.htm
and this one:
http://weekly.ahram.org.eg/2002/576/fe1.htm
6:09 AM
divorce is by fiqh and depending on the scholar that you go to (madhab). divorce is not scary in egypt, i don't know where that came from. western sources tend to show the "unique" cases and not the norm.
in any way, safa is canadian, not egyptian so she doesn't need to follow egyptian law.
7:00 AM
That's one reason why I left Islam: the women has to Ask for a divorce, even when the man isn't giving her her rights. Women aren't children to have to ask for things like that, this is their life too. They should not be treated as 2nd class citizens.
Hugs to you and your precious kids, and I hope you get this worked out for you.
Anisah
6:11 AM
First of all, women are treated as second class citizens in every religion and all religions require that they behave in a way that is subordinate to their husbands. Sorry, but men are pretty much always defined as head of household. People are defining what Islam is based on cultural practices, rather than what is the reality. And in the west, where women now have more rights, that is because of cultural practice and social change, which is no thanks to the religion.
And Safa, while I agree it is unfair the way you are being treated by your husband, some of your readers are being unfair in that some of them are a little in the "Not Without my Daugter" mode. For example, in the US or Canada Safa could start divorce proceedings without permission from her husband, yes indeedy. However, let us say Safa was in the US or Canada with her children and tells her husband she wants to go to Egypt with her children, and he says no way, you can't go to Egypt with my children. Well, then nobody is leaving the country, unless they want to be charged with kidnapping. Safa's case is unfair in that her husband is not in Egypt, so he can't say that by her leaving Egypt he would be deprived of seeing his children.
8:28 AM
Hello Safa,
Thanks for dropping by at my blog http://afemaleguest.blog.co.uk some days ago and leaving a comment there.
I also have an account in blogspot. :)
Btw, I do hope for the betterment of your future life.
I myself have been separate from hubby for more than two years. We are not divorced yet because he doesnt want to divorce me. For me, well, it is expensive to file a divorce in my country and I don't have enough money for that. What can I do now? Yeah ... at the moment just go on with my life with my only daughter here.
I earn my own money to support my life and daughter. He never gave me any single cent.
4:48 AM
Hello Safa,
Thanks for dropping by at my blog some days ago at http://afemaleguest.blog.co.uk
I also have an account in blogspot here. :)
Btw, I am really sorry to read this post. Hope you the very best luck for your future life.
I myself have been separate from my only daughter's father for more than two years. But until now we are not legally divorced yet because he doesn't want to divorce me, while I don't have money to file a divorce. It is expensive for me to file a divorce.
One day if I have enough money, I will divorce him though two years ago he threatened to kill me if I divorce him.
Cheer up, Safa :)
Regards,
Nana
5:16 AM
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