It's endorphin time!!!!!

I feel like sharing a bunch of silly little stories....the kind of ones that you really had to be there to get how funny it really is.....but I'm going to try my best to bring you there with me....cuz it really is SO hilarious....it's a shame to have been wasted on only me.....so here goes...

CONSTIPATED
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My BIL in cda was badly constipated. We are talking swollen stomach, days without a BM.....and ONE cranky man. He went to the DR's...took laxatives...drank oils...u name it. But he was still anal retentive. HAHA! Well.....someone told him the magic words...PRUNE JUICE.

So my SIL and I go out with him to the grocery store..planning to buy at least 3 bottles of the stuff. Something has gotta help him! We get to the store...walk around looking for the juice aisle....and start looking over all the different kinds of juices. It's a Saturday..ppl keep walking in front of us....busy crowd....and a desperate BIL. But suddenly we notice this quick jerky movement...my BIL has spotted the prune juice. He jumps forward, dodging other customers...gets his hands on three bottles...positions two of them in the crook of his arm....and then quickly opens the third.....and chugs the thing. HAHA! People start looking....ummmm....WTH? My SIL says embarassingly.....he's just really thirsty. One old lady says..."for prune juice?" Ummmm.....can you say blushing crimson?

He proceeds to chug the other two bottles...while we stand there helplessly....ppl looking....SIL and I trying to hide behind each other. Well...the problem did work itself out...I think it took about a couple hours after his chugging. But when we got home...SIL says to me....there may as well have been a flashing sign over our heads saying CONSTIPATION! LOOL......so true....so true....


CHERRY POWER!!
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Another one with the BIL. He's so cheap. I swear.....he always buys things on sale....will find something in the garbage and then try to sell it....uses coupons....likes shopping at GoodWill.....u name it. I mean...all these things are just fine....but he absolutely HATES to pay full price for anything. And u know what? HE HAS MONEY! OH MY!

Well here's the cherry story. My mom had a friend who has a cherry tree in her backyard. She's an older woman....and the thrill of cherries each year in abundance has really lost it's charm with her. So one year, she says to my mom....bring a bunch of bags and come pick all the cherries...I don't want them. And Mom did. She filled up two entire shopping bags FULL of them. She gave me one bag, and kept one for herself.

So BIL comes over, and we put this big bowl of fresh cherries in front of him. Now in those days...cherries in Cda were expensive. Eating fresh cherries was something different. And this was a HUGE bowl of them. So he sat there......and went at it. We were pretty surprised....he downed that entire bowl of cherries himself....and we brought him more...and he ate those too. WOW!

But he sure paid for it the next morning. He woke up and went to the washroom and guess what happened? His urine was red. BRIGHT RED. I mean...this guy downed about 2 salad bowls of red cherries!! And rather than think about the cherries...he was thinking BLOOD! He freaked. He thought he was dying....he thought it was his prostate....he thought it was cancer.....he thought it was his kidneys....OMG!!!! So he drove out super fast to the emergency at the hospital......ran in there frantic and near to panic....the nurse calmed him down....what's the problem, she says....??? So he explains....blood in the urine.....so red.....no pain....no cramping....

So the nurse asks the final question.....what did u eat yesterday? Ummm.....and then it dawns on him.....you prolly could see the realization sweep over his face.....Ohhhhhhhhhh. So he gets up and leaves........so much for the dying.....he'll live to die another day.....HAHAHAHA!!

THE GUARD DOG!!
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It's all about the BIL today....so here's another one. They are doing some renovations on their house in Cda.....and they need to buy some lumber. So SIL sends hubby to the lumber yard to buy some. BIL gets there....and finds the parking lot pretty full. So he decides to park over on this other side. Oh there is this sign that says...BEWARE OF DOG.....but he doesn't notice it. He's too busy thinking of what he needs to get, and to finally get his car parked.

So he stops the car...gets out....and hears a growl. He turns around and looks.....WELL...there's this big ASS rottweiler not too far away.....BIL freezes.....but then notices that the dog is on a chain. So he takes a deep breath and walks away. OOPS...first mistake...never turn ur back on a growling dog. So as he's walking away....something doesn't feel right....he can hear the dog running....he turns last second and the DOG pounces on him.....knocks him down.....starts to bite him on the arm...on the thigh....my BIL is yelling and trying to punch the dog in the face.....

Some people come and manage the dog away from him.....he ends up getting a few stitches....luckily just a few......and really thought that TODAY was the day he'd die. But no...he cheated near death again.

And forever cursed the dog on the LONG leash. HAHA! (and prolly made a mental note to pay attention to signs....)

FINGER STUCK
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OMG...It's the BIL again......this is a short one. At the grocery store....when he's walking in with the buggy....he bangs his finger pretty hard between a couple of things.....and it hurts like hell. He sticks his finger in the squares of the shopping cart.....and continues pushing the cart like that. Weird? Yes....but hey...that's the BIL. Everything was fine until he got to the checkout line....his finger swelled up....swelled up A LOT! He can't get his finger outta the square....he starts making a scene...ppl come over to help....ppl are laughing....SIGH. Eventually he gets his finger out. But I swear......there aren't too many grocery stores he can go to anymore without someone recognizing him.....LOLOL!!!

BANG TO THE HEAD!!!
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Oh this one is precious....it's my hubby. Talking to him before he leaves for work....he's holding on to the door frame........and we are just chatting....suddenly...he has to sneeze....he turns his head and lets it go.....and in the process....BANGS his head off the door frame. HARD! He's stunned himself...and waivers in place. I grab his arm....giggling but concerned....r u ok? He finally manages to control himself and says...WOW! I didn't see that coming. And we have our little laugh about it....and then......the spot where he bangs his head starts to swell....its red....and obvious. So I go get him a hat....and that's what he wears to work. He leaves....and then it's my turn. I sit down and laugh my guts out.....NOW THAT'S CONTROL!!!!!

CAT TOY TROUBLE!!!
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As a kid, we had lots of cats. LOTS. My parents use to breed them. So we also had lots of cat toys. We had this ball toy that was attached to a long pipe cleaner type thing...that had a suction cup on the bottom to make it stand up. The cat smacks it and it sways back and forth. You know the kind?

Well....my Dad thought he'd be funny. He licks the bottom of the suction cup and places it in the middle of his forehead....down low...between his eyebrows. And he walks around the house and tries to get me and my mom to laugh. We laugh. It's funny. But MY BROTHER? Who was just 2 or 3 yrs old...HE THOUGHT IT WAS HILARIOUS! He's laughing so hard...that he gets my Dad going....so my Dad pretends that thing is stuck there, and struggles to pull it off....pulling it and sticking it...pulling it and sticking it....LOLOL! We all collapse in laughter just because my brother is laughing so hard....and my Dad has gone crazy with it all. A good 15 mins of this....and we finally calm down. Nothing like releasing all those endorphins u know?

Well, Dad is so tuckered out...he goes for a short snooze. Not more than half an hour, I think. But when he wakes up? OMG...OMG!! I yell for my Mom. COME SEE THIS>...OMG!!! She comes running...and we are staring at Dad. THIS IS SERIOUS! He has this DOT between his eyes...it's a reddish, blue-ish bruise that looks extremely painful. It looks like a HUGE Pakistani dot....HAHAHA!!.....what's he going to do?

So he gets out a baseball cap.....but it doesn't help that much.....the DOT is between his eyes. So he decides that he's going to wear it anyways....but keep his head down..... For an entire week...he wears that cap....he avoids eye contact with people.....so no one will notice the dot....he goes to work and home....no shopping...nothing.

But at one point...he has to get gas for the car. So he goes and fills up the tank.....and proceeds to go inside to pay for the gas. Credit card. He signs the paper and keeps his head down. The attendant asks him some questions...Dad answers listlessy, avoiding eye contact. Something is fishy.

So the attendant tells my dad there is a problem with the card...but there's not.....all the while...he's pushed some emergency button under the cash....HAHA! Cops come....they ask Dad to step outside....Dad is confused...but he goes out....head down...avoiding eye contact. They take his I.D....they sit him in the back of the cop car.....and finally....Dad starts to spill. He takes off his baseball cap....and tells the cops what happened.....they laughingly give him back his I.D.....let him go....his gas is paid.....and you know what was talked about at the dinner table at those cops house that night!!!!

And if that wasn't bad enough....ur dearest friend Safa had got a funny idea that day....I got out my red lipstick and Mom and I painted dots on our foreheads too. When Dad comes in the door...bursting to tell his story....Mom and I stay focused on the TV and refuse to look at him. HE tries to engage us in conversation....but we don't turn our heads....finally frustrated...he yells...

"LOOK! I'VE JUST HAD A REALLY BAD EXPERIENCE...WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU GUYS???"

So we turn to look at him....and break out in giggles....expecting him to do the same.....but he doesn't. He shocks the hell out of us....HE RUNS OUT SCREAMING! SWEARING! U NAME IT!!! LOLOL.....

My poor dad.....but it just goes to show how much we suffer sometimes for a little laughter.....

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So there's a few of the funny stories that I had on my mind.....had to share....and hope u are all laughing wherever you are...at home, at work, or at the cafe.....lets release some happy endorphins!!!!