Got a second opinion.....
So I heard about this other DR....supposed to be great! (she does caesarians and works in my city, as well as in a big hospital in Cairo)
I got my SIL with me, and we went to see her. I move fast....so I did it right away...SIL is telling me to go tomorrow...but I says...NOPE! If I don't get a second opinion today, I won't sleep!
So I went in to the DR....she asked me lots of questions....told her everything....diabetes, 4 previous childbirths naturally....etc etc. And then she got me up to give me an ultrasound.......she said....
-the water around the baby is double the norm
-he's a good size
-his head is NOT engaged, although it is down
Then she sat me down, and told me exactly what my other DR said. I will not be carrying this baby to term......I have 2 weeks at most......she wants me to walk everyday which may help the baby to engage his head and thin out my cervix enough to make the possibility of induced labour a reality. If everything is perfect and going well in two weeks....there is a possibility she will induce me.
So then I asked her...okay...but what do you see?
She said...You are a high risk pregnancy and the best option for you is a caesarian section.
C section in two weeks. May 1st.
So alhamdulillah....I got a second opinion. I go back to this same DR in a week.
~~~~
I've spoken to hubby. Told him. I don't know what he's doing, or what's going on with him. I sent him a text message in the early AM his time today...saying "having a c section, call me, it's important."
This text message mysteriously disappeared. When I asked him where he was at 8:36 AM...he said...in the shower. Hmmm....and ur cell phone? Beside the bed. I couldn't help telling him.....well, the text message didn't just disappear in transit!!! I was pissed....and I know ur thinking what I'm thinking......Minha Lillah!
~~~~
I'm having a small panic attack of the uglies and the worries and the angries....and a little of the crazies right now. Trying to gather myself, not cry, not yell, not over react. I'm not sure who has the upper hand on this yet...but I'm still fighting it.
My husband told me on the phone...."I want you to start walking, take it easy and take care of yourself...."
I was quiet and then finally squeeked out....
"that's not what I want to hear you say...."
So he says back to me...
"Soon enough you will hear what you want.."
Don't call me a fool, please friends....but believe me....I really, really, really want to believe him. I want to hear his voice on the phone telling me....I'm on my way......I'm going to be there for you......
I really would like to hear that....even if it's for the last time.......
~~~~
But enough of the whiney me......the good news....!! I'M HAVING A BABY IN TWO WEEKS~! No matter how he comes outta my body.....willingly or forced.....insha Allah....two more weeks.....and I'll be a new Mommy again.....!!!!
Isn't that precious?
posted by Safa at 3:27 PM
21 Comments:
Mabrook! Sorry that you will have to go through having a C Section, but glad the baby is ok. Have you chosen a name for him? (Or for a girl just in case). Boys names are harder to pick than girls names (at least for me).
A.
5:03 PM
Assalamu Alaikum!
INSHA'ALLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! :) :) :) :)
Boy or girl? Names?
Woohoooo you're having a baby INSHA'ALLAH!!!
6:47 PM
I don't know about anyone else but I am feeling such rage at your husband..to me it's almost unbelievable someone can be so cruel and selfish...to be alone facing what you are facing and with 4 children depending on you..well, I wouldn't think someone would do that to a stranger let alone a life partner..well..I don't care I'm not going to be politically correct..I want to smash him in the face..really, really hard...if there is any justice in the world he will get his one of these days...
I sound awful but I can't help it..you are a strong person and I hope your kids are strong for you too.
7:38 PM
Asalamayakom C-Section Safa,
Yep. They gotta come out some how! By the end, you'd opt for your nose, if you had to.
Alhumdullah that c-section is possible. Your recovery time will be about 6 weeks for feeling human again. You'll have to be careful climbing stairs, sneezing, driving (not until dr. visit ok)and picking up things--especially wet, heavy laundry.
As for the hubster. He's going to run on his little squeeky wheel in his cage. Just let him be. If he comes, if he doesn't. God is there for you.
THINK! If your hub was there for you but God wasn't????? OK, then we'd have a problem! ;)
Love you!
8:48 PM
Dear Safa,
Dont worry. I made through three C-sections. 1st- breech, 2nd- Pelvic opening small, 3rd- placenta previa. WHEW!
I wanted to see my babies right after they were born and so I asked for epidural. I was awake throughout the operations. I knew what was happening to me though I was abit frightened. I read all the surahs that came to my mind which kept me going.
I also requested from my doctor for my 2nd and 3rd c-sect for dissolving stiches instead of staples so that I dont have to go back for the staples to be pulled out.OUCH!
The pain is quite intense for the first two days so I asked for morphine. I did not feel much pain after taking it. After that I needed very strong painkillers.
There is still some slight discomfort at the thin scar line though it has been eight years since my last c-sect.
Please take care of yourself after your op. Do not carry any heavy stuff or strain yourselve for at least two to three months. Leave aside all your problems and just concerntrate on getting well, for yourself and for your children.
Inshaallah, everything will turn out as you wish.
I just hope my experience would help you through your childbirth.
10:03 PM
You know what Anonymous.....the rage you feel is NOTHING compared to how I really feel. I'm trying to put a cap on it tho....
But you know what gets me?
On May 4th..my husband owes me 8 months of time....which I doubt I'll ever get......
His wife is enjoying him most of the time, and still she's insecure and deletes my text messages.....
I'm sick and need a husband, and he has problems and can't come.....jeez!
We have 4 kids who need their dad.....
OH MAN! Don't get me started.....but here's the shocker......I'm still on goal.....I'm still trying to hold things in, because I have a bigger plan...
Birth + 40 days. Remember?
I almost LOST it on the phone with him....when I was silent and said to him..."that's not what I wanted to hear...." I was THISCLOSE to being the YELLING SCREAMING BITCH that I felt rearing it's ugly head inside of me......
But what would I have accomplished? I'm worried about the c section, feel under stress and it would have just been me venting....not a rational thinking individual......so I bit my tongue.
If he comes or not.....well, we'll see......but he has birth + 40 days to find me some solutions.....
And then, it's my turn....
11:41 PM
I am usually not straightforward like this, when it comes to yahoo groups or blog comments, because who am I, but im sorry, i cant help.
leave this guy.
Let him be alone.
God, I am also feeling such rage, im shaking!....Wallah if I were in Canada, I would go to his house and yell at him!!!!!!
3:03 AM
Mashallah!! I am so glad you went so fast for the second opinion..its so important for you to gather your energy right now and just try to relax and take it easy..... so this way even if u are not physically relaxed at least u have found some mental peace... ALHUMDILLAH!!!!!!
Awwwwwwwww Inshallah, the precious baby will be here soon, and I can only imagine the excitement of your daughters....
6:30 AM
Dear Safaa:
Wow oh wow-things are moving quickly for you! I have never had a baby, but my something tells me if I were ever to have one I'd be screaming for an epidural and an operation-the idea of a baby coming out the regular way is pretty torturous. Hahaha.
You know, this baby comes at a really interesting time if you think about it. Babies, metaphorically and realistically, are supposed to bridge lives together-they force two people to consider how their future paths will bring them together (or recognize that they can't be toghether but can still be 'together' for the baby). In this way, I think, babies are really a miracle (not negating the fact, of course, that an 8 pounder comes out of a needlehole-:):)). The other really cool thing about babies is that they remind you of things you 'forget' and of things yet to come. They remind you of the life you have, forcing you to probe it, to assess it, to feel it to revise it. They make you want to do things differently, whether your life is good or bad, because they are a sign that life to come should always be altered from life already lived-otherwise what would be the point. Babies are a lot like spring-the old and unwanted die and the fresh and rejuvenated are born. But I think the greatest thing about babies is that they always, always make you realize how good your life is and how much better it is going to be with their arrival.
The point I getting at, Safa, is that each person's life is good or bad because of him/her. Your life is good because of you in the sense that your life is the product of all the parts of yourself-your kids, your home (nto the physical house), your husband, your friends, your experiences, your characteristics, your beliefs, your family, and your dreams. If anyone fo these factors, even if it be a big a factor as your partner, falters in some way it only means that one of a thousand different parts of you is '(temporarily) out of service'. And really your life is fuller than many of us out there because of all the great things you have that a lot of us are still waiting for. This is not meant to be a criticism but a slight nudge from a friend to consider how really full that half-glass of life is (wink, wink!). Your husband finally stepping up to plate is an added incentive to a good life (albeit a huge incentive) but his final actions will not and should not detract from the great stuff you already possess. Stand assured that you hold a full hand, and (if need be) walk away with strength (not loss).
7:48 AM
Assalamu alaikum Safa,
be strong. Thats all I can say. I feel the rage too, way too many times did I have to hear about how men treat their women and all I can say is "be strong".
I'm sorry you have to go through this, especially now, before the new baby comes.
All I know for sure is that he is going to pay and I would not like to be in his position when he is asked WHERE HE WAS WHEN HIS WIFE NEEDED HIM.
Ya Allah.
You are in my duas.
Zainab
8:59 AM
While I understand anon's rage (and yours, Safa), for health purposes and a happy delivery, it's best to keep on your path of serenity. As for text messages, if this is any consolation, my husband and I experienced lost messages between us-especially when one of us was in Egpyt and the other in another country. Our international texts would sporadically go missing any time Egypt factored into the equation (not that hubby needs an excuse, but I'll put it out there).
9:15 AM
Mabruk!
Now.
Good news: Baby is healthy, you know (approx) when coming and how.
Hubby has NO EXCUSE NOT TO BE THERE.
Bad news: He will have an excuse.
Actions speak. You are loved and have many friends. I know that there are people who will take care of you in your community until you can get out there and do what you need to do.
We will all be strong WITH YOU! ;)
10:50 AM
HA: "Think what if your hubby was there for you and Gd wasn't?"
That is really a profound thought...thanks for that! From now on, when I am in a bad mood, I will remember that...So and so may not be helping me, but Gd is here and I am okay!
10:51 AM
Assalamualaikum everyone.
This injustice that your husband is doing to you, is not going unnoticed by our Creator. His plan, His will, His mercy and His anger are beyond our comprehension. Your husband is being very unjust to you, know for sure that Allah will deal with that issue, and wont let you suffer unnecessarily.
Your husband can have all the materials in the world....but if he doesnt please Allah, then all that means nothing.
Your children are you real treasure, guard them. As for your husband? Just leave it to Allah.
11:46 AM
You know, I think you will be fine if you must have a c-section... Know it is VERY different than a natural birth. You will have to have help. Some women are good within a week, some feel pretty bad for six. Just be ready for it. And insha'Allah your DH will come to his senses and show up now that he even knows the day the new addition is arriving. And if you should happen to beat him with a slipper out of pure frustration? Well you know pregnancy hormones do wierd things to a person's brain!;)LOL
12:02 PM
Truly Allah is in control of all affairs and has given us the ability to choose right from wrong. Yes Allah is with you and has made you Muslima by his "grace"! Ive seen this type of situation before with our men (muslim).Husband is transgressing and must be held accountable for the negligence of the family that Allah as given him. A new muslim we be joining (us) The baby needs his abi..and I have a question for your husband.who do think should call the adhan in YOUR son's ear after birth ?..his circumcision?..The one who will tell him son.. Allah is 'First' but I will protect you from harm.
12:11 PM
Assalaamu alaikum Anon 7:48....how else to refer to you?
You said...".....his final actions will not and should not detract from the great stuff you already possess. Stand assured that you hold a full hand, and (if need be) walk away with strength (not loss)."
Thanks for saying that....and just a little wink back at you.....I've known that for the longest time.....and I take the greatest comfort in it. I've done my part, I've fulfilled my duties...and I'll walk away strong and happy in the end. ALhamdulillah.....
Anon 12:11....OH MY....That's an excellent question to ask my husband.....and I WILL ASK HIM. Just give me a few days to see what he's doing. So far he has not mentioned whether or not he's coming.....I'll even post his answer.....
12:34 PM
The Adhan thing should get him...if it doesn't.......you know the rest of the story.
Anyway, Safa I just want to remind you that there are lots of people out there millions of miles away who see the gold in you. If he doesn't that's his loss. You and your children WILL be fine. Much better off then in limbo. Atleast knowing where you stand is a lot safer then walking the tight rope while covering your eyes.
Honestly, I know it will be sad if you leave, but your children will be better off in the future b/c their mommy will be healthier and more stable. They won't have to worry or wonder anymore b/c they will already know.
And one more thing, Safa...the other day my Mom was over and all the sudden I heard her start to cry. (She was playing with my daughter, but I didn't know that b/c I was in the other room). Anyway, my stomache actually flipped with fear. And I thought, MY GOD! Here I am 30 years old and knowing that I can make it through whatever, but to hear my mohter cry made me feel insecure even at my age....it really put perspective on me and how I need to be as put together and strong as possible for my own children. Anyway, my point is...if you are OK, they will be OK. That's all.
ramble ramble Sobia go on now ha
8:23 PM
Ya, Sobia...the adhan question is a real toughie.....I'll ask him on Sunday, insha Allah, if I haven't heard anything. Awwwwww....about the story with your mom.....
I know my husband sees the gold in me.....you gotta remember that we've been married for 16 yrs and had a really strong marriage....all this BS is a complete shock and surprise to me.....
At the moment, he's got himself in lots of trouble that he's never had in his entire life....he stepped in it....and I don't feel sorry for him at all.....it's been too long for me to keep feeling sorry for him.
He gambled big....and he's been losing every since.....
1:52 AM
I'm sorry he is being such kelb. But just something to think about:
It's obvious from how he's acted that telling him you are not getting your rights, or even others telling him, does nothing. That's like beating a dead horse. That does nothing to the horse, it just gets you all bloody (to mangle a metaphor)
IMHO there's only 2 things really to choose from: either to take it and stop asking him for your rights (which you know doesn't work, see dead horse above), or Khalas, without threatening to do this or that or I leave. Just leave. Make your own life.
I have been in situations with men who are kelb too, like when my ex went back to Jordan when I was pregnant and swore that he'd come back before the baby was born. Never has. The "baby" is almost 4 now, and he's never seen him. One important thing to remember: you can't change them or make them do or want to do something. You either have to put up with it, or say "when".
I'm sure it's not easy living in a country that still seems foreign to you and raising your kids alone. I don't think I could do that. It's hard enough being a single parent on my home turf.
Hugs to you and your daughters, and I hope your delivery goes well.
Anisah
4:37 AM
Salam, im the 11.46 anon.
Do you think that because youve been married for so long, that everything just ground to a halt in your marriage?
Subhanallah. That is what i am really frightened of. I'm in my 8th year, and even i am suprised at how strong our marriage is. I cant thank Allah enough for this gift.
Would just like your views.
5:30 AM
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