.......it's the song that never ends.....
.......the sparrows are flying again........
posted by Safa at 3:18 AM
Monday, April 02, 2007
About Me
- Name: Safa
- Location: T dot, Canada
I'm on a journey.....quietly taking timid steps as life plays in front of me....I can feel the excitment building as I take each step.....I've got a line following behind me that keeps getting longer..... Come join in the wonder.... Surely someone up there has a plan for me.......
5 Comments:
safa honey do be depressed. Just think of the baby. I know u r upset and angry but right now ti is not good for you. Pray and pray and then pray somemore. Ask Allah to take the hurt from your heart. This mornign my heart ached for you I just wanted to give you the biggest hug. I still do. Inshaallah I will one day and we will look back on this and it wont hurt so much.
4:43 AM
Asalamalaykom Safa,
LL&LI did a typo with "do be depressed" because from her comments, I can tell she DOESN"T want you to be depressed.
But, I think it's fine to be depressed right now. It's not fine to stay in that sadness forever, but too often in our busy worlds, we want to busy ourselves out of owning our feelings. We are not perpetual machines. We are part of the natural world and have the ebb and flow of life within us. You are at low tide. That's OK. Infact, it's necessary in order to rebuild. You've been knocked down and you need to get that really clear in your mind. You are surveying the scene and it's sad, but look beyond the immediate and see the beautiful promises of happiness that Allah has given all of us---even you, right now.
Your Lord has not forsaken you, nor is He displeased. What is to come is better for you than what has gone before. For your Lord will certainly give you, and you will be content.---Surah 93 Ad Duha
7:07 AM
wa alaykumus salaam.....
Alhamdulillah....I'm doing okay....I just sometimes have my moments, u know? I've been keeping my head on my shoulders today......and looking at things critically.....
Most important thing in my life right now.....is to give birth to this baby.....to grow him well, until it's his time.....and to be healthy for him after......for him and all the children.
Everything else is second.....
7:13 AM
Dear Safa:
I feel like I have been away a hundred years-when I left the comment for you on thursday I also left the country (don’t worry the two are strict coincidences). Since I returned, I see that the chat lines have been overflowing on your site. You know, where I am from book clubs are a big thing and it is one of the biggest things I have missed since moving here (a ‘here’ I would much rather pretend does not exist when I indulge in the surreptitious-sorry but love this word-pleasures of virtual conversation). In a way your blog has fulfilled this craving-I am just sorry this is your life and not a book. As I read all the comments your last post, I started thinking of my hometown and the people in it. I grew up in an extremely conservative Muslim community in a really liberal society. The society believed in money, my community believed in God; they did everything and we did nothing; they partied, we prayed; they uncovered their women, we shrouded ours; and they shouted for the rights of man (or woman), we for the rights of God (of course as interpreted by the males in our community). And while for the most part there existed two parallel life systems, there was one interesting similarity: they had affairs and we had second wives. The interesting thing about both societies was that lovers and second wives, alike, were kept ‘hidden’ for fear of the wife-a tactic that I don’t think has ever succeeded. The difference between them and us was always in the women (in the end lover, second wife are like ‘toma-yato’/’toma-ato’). Precisely, it was how women responded to these impossible situations that diverged us. Our women often kept faith in God and prayed for patience to wait out their husbands’ ‘lapses’. I remember one lady in particular having had her husband take on a second wife and when I gave her my ‘feminist call to war’ with guns raised, she looked at me and said: “the problem with you young people is that you want everything you don’t like to change now. You measure your lives by single moments and turn foundations of stone into sand. You are content with patiently waiting while your computer restarts when it freezes or run to the ends of the earth to retrieve info you lost, but you cast off relationships like footprints in the sand or swat them away like pestering gadflies.” I have remembered these exact words for over ten years and even her stern and hopeful face when she said them-but I am not sure I have completely understood their meaning till I came upon you. To be honest, I still am not sure I would have remained in a relationship if I found my husband married to another woman, even if I had kids. But I like to walk away, I always have and will probably always will. i don’t make imprints in stone and don’t have the patience for making proper foundations (or even fixing foundations, for that matter). But it seems you are the opposite-your marriage is not surface deep. no it’s like the carvings people leave in park benches and return after they have turned grey to reminisce beside. And you certainly have made the proper foundations for a marriage. i think you are still in love with this man, no matter how many times he hurts you. And I have to believe that you must still be in love with him because you see something that the rest of us virtual beings can’t. maybe its in the eyes of your kids, maybe its in the heartbeat of your fetus or maybe its in the reflection looking back at you in the mirror. It seems his imprint is not made of sand. And maybe therein lies the salvation of the whole thing. His betrayal is beyond pain-no doubt. And no doubt that there were a lot of ‘reasons’ and lots of mistakes for sure. But maybe the older woman I describe has it right-the balance of our lives should not be seen in the context of one mistake…..only your heart can answer that for you and when you do, then so will your path.
I’ve overstepped the etiquette of polite virtual conversation, but before I go one thing:
presume is a sister of assume, and you know what they say about people who ‘assume’!
2:16 PM
You know, ANON, I would encourage you to get yourself a name on this site, so I can differentiate you from the other anon's. Or how about signing at the end..Anon 5? Or something likewise?
I think I would have loved this woman that you mention...such wisdom in her words, and a level of tolerance that many of us don't even have. Definately I cringe at the thought of turning my stone pillars to sand.....of throwing away 16 yrs, because of 2.....
I've been careful.....been patient.....and have done all that I can to allow this marriage to continue....and now it seems, that 2 yrs is my limit. You can't tell me 2 yrs of a certain behaviour is just a "temporary" thing. Not you, not anyone.
So I loved ur previous comment....I thought about it. I questioned myself....and I read you hear...and again...I like what you are saying.
My plan is birth + 40 days. If by then, solutions miracously arise I will embrace them......but should my life stay the same...with the promise of more of the same....well....I think that I've had my fill......and will kindly bow out.
It's sad to walk away after all this......but I truly, truly believe I've done my limit and absolute best......my heart has told me that.....and now.....my path is finally unwinding.
It's with peace of mind, with strength of character, that I've come to where I am......
I have my moments...as we all do.....but like I said....The sparrows are flying again.
2:51 AM
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