wrote this offline...about 3 days ago.....

It's been a strange last few days. Hmmmm.....a strange last week......heck, a STRANGE last year, if you want to get right to the point. But since you all know about my last year, supposing that you've been on this journey with me, or maybe having just read thru my archives......last week is what might interest you all. So let's keep to that......

I've been adjusting to the insulin. The needles aren't so bad. I've got that ready prepared pen, u know? I don't even feel the needle really.....so it isn't so bad. I pray that Allah protect the baby and me, insha Allah. Health is such an important issue. Do you all know that Allah will ask you about it? Ask you about the blessing of good health that he has given you, and just what you have done to take care of it. For those ppl who don't take care of themselves, what will you say? You don't realize what a blessing you have with good health until it is taken away from you. And on that note....I just heard that our fellow blogger Polygamy Lover has been admitted to the hospital. Her placenta is completely covering her cervix, and she already has stitches in there....subhanAllah. I was over at Muhammad's blog some time ago, and googled about her condition. Ya Rabbee.....it's scary. With the placenta covering her cervix like that, it's not only life threatening to the baby, it's life threatening to her. Alhamdulillah, I think that going into the hospital is the best thing. Please take time and make dua for her, her baby and her children. I can only imagine her frustration at this time, and I pray that everything goes okay.........keep her in ur dua.

I had a difficult time after the DR prescribed the insulin for me. It's not that I'm unhappy about it.....it's just it's another difficulty in my life, u know? And I was thinking about Polygamy Lover.....should Allah have made me in her place....what would I have done? I have 4 children......their father isn't staying.......the family isn't supportive........who would take care of them? What would I do? Oh, I know that the downstairs BIL would take the girls, but having 2 older sons of his own, I wouldn't be comfortable with that. That leaves me with one option. Play with fire and the possibility of bleeding to death. Sometimes I feel so alone and cornered in my part of the world. SubhanAllah. So when I found out about the diabetes, absolutely confirmed it.......I said, Alhamdulillah. I can handle this. On the way home in the car, I was thinking.....and I know......very silent. Hubby was at a loss for words. And rather than find the right thing to say, a hug, or even hold my hand.......he just fumbled around. It made me sad that he didn't know how to approach me. I just sat there, containing myself until I got home, thinking that I really need to talk to my mom. That's who I could cry with, share this with. But really felt that I wasn't going to share this with hubby. What was going thru my mind?

"Where is the ease that Allah promised after suffering? Am I still on the suffering path? Destined to suffer everything alone? Hubby is leaving soon, and he leaves me to myself, my kids, my poor health. No responsibilities for him. I wonder if he'll come back for the birth? Why isn't he hugging me? This year has sucked the big one......and everytime I pray for an end, I get introduced to something new. I'm so amazed that I'm able to cope...alhamdulillah! He isn't even holding my hand....?? I really need my mom right now. She'll say the right thing to me. Make me feel foolish for being upset. Oh, I wish my hubby wasn't leaving me. Mom had diabetes when she was pregnant, if she could do it, then I can do it. I wonder if she can come to Egypt? I want to be calm when I talk to the kids........."

That's a bit of it. But you know what I was really focusing on? About the promise of ease. SubhanAllah! Where is it? Ya Allah! Is my test still not over? I'm waiting for the straw that's gonna break my back.......and it seems pretty close....it sure does. And then I remember surah al muminoon....."On no soul shall we place a burden greater than it can bear" Ayat 62. OMG! You mean I can handle this, ya Rabbee? You mean that as much as you give me.....in good or in bad.....I'm up to it? Am I going to hit a homerun every time? No? But I won't strike out tho, right? Amazing! Allah is generous!

So yes, the insulin has got me doing a sort of internal these last few days. I think I'm over it now.......but I really was considering just what having insulin means to me. How it is going to affect me. One thing for sure, is that I won't carry this baby to term. I went to see the pregancy DR on Sunday. She told me that I'll deliver about two weeks earlier. And then I had another ultrasound so she could check the water around the baby. The DR said everything was looking good.....and I just lay there and watched the screen. Masha Allah!

Did I ever tell you that I told my pregnancy DR about the 2nd wife? Yeah, I told her a while back. Before I went to Cda even. When I talked to her about my taking insulin.......she told me to not get upset and worry myself about anything. She made a passing joke about my blood pressure being normal and said that it seems hubby affects my sugars and not the BP. HA HA! She's the DR who delivered my almost 4 yr old. Masha Allah, when I was in labour, she was reading quran over me.....and after I gave birth she made sujuud in thanks to Allah for the safe delivery. (sujuud means touching her forehead to the ground) And then to top it all off......when my SIL got sandwiches for me to eat after the delivery, she offered a couple to the DR, where she immediately announced..."No thanks, I'm fasting" SUBHANALLAH!!

So what else is going on? Lots of tidbits and pieces that I really don't have the time to get into. But one of the interesting things, is that my hubby's bro came from Cairo to spend a few days with us. He has 5 girls, and of course, they are in all girls heaven at my house. I knocked myself out with dinner on Monday night. I made.......stuffed cabbage, grape leaves, peppers and tomatoes. I made boiled meat, chicken in the oven and filo pastry stuffed with ground beef. I made molokhia, too! YUM! (salad too!!) It was yummy and quite the nice looking table. Have any of you ever stuffed tomatoes? I had leftover rice, so I was looking for something to stuff......and it works. It's quite nice, actually. Who came for dinner? Well, it was us, downstairs BIL and family, his married daughter and family, Cairo BIL and family. I love it when my house is full.

Did I tell you guys about the villa? We actually started renovations....no, really. We've got workers there everyday and we are right now concentrating on the outside.....the surrounding fence, front balconies and two extra stories. Our house will be a three story house. Interesting. Our new plan is to finish the outside....and then take our time with the inside. It works for me. I'm just so happy that we are starting. Alhamdulillah.

I still have not had "the talk" with hubby. Although we did approach a couple of things on the way to the pregnancy DR. But we didn't really talk about much....I mean what can you possibly say in about 9 mins? HAHA!!!!!!

I think that's a huge enough post for now. I just wanted to say to all my anonymous posters.....why not become a member? It's so much easier to respond when I know exactly who you are. Think about it. It doesn't mean you have to blog.....