Looking for some liquid sunshine.....

Oh dreary day.

It's cloudy, windy and cold outside. Such a drab day.....maybe I'm about to go through those horrible winter blah's. Do you know about those? When you just feel like...meh...and nothing explains your feelings, so ppl just lump it in with the winter blahs. Ya, that's what I'm looking at outside my window.

I used to live in this apt, years ago in Canada. What an excellent bldg I lived in! But the horrible thing was that the building was built in an L shape.....and I lived right in the nook of the L. This apt got absolutely NO direct sunlight. None. Ever. Always the house was in shadows, and the lights were always on. I remember one March feeling like I was going to go nuts if I stayed in that apt and was DYING to get out of there.

We lived there for a yr and a half. My 11 yr old was born while we lived there. I got pregnant with the 9 yr old there before we left it. We left just in the nick of time...because those shadows were really getting to me, and had almost wormed their way into my heart.

I made adjustments to it tho....everyday I took my oldest and the new baby to the park.....we'd walk to it in the sun.....and my daughter would play and laugh with happy abandon. The new baby would sit upon her throne, (the stroller) and watch us wordlessly as we both released our tensions. I have videos of us walking to that park. My oldest stopping at just about everything and saying...WOW! We lived right beside a man-made lake, so our walk was always beautiful with some new discovery. Cattails by the water's edge, water lillies floating, little boys digging for worms, ppl rollerblading around the path....always something new to look at and say, WOW!

During the summertime, there would always be a police officer patroling around the paths. Considering it was a great place to go have some fun, the police officers were a great addition. One time they came in handy, because as I was walking, a group of teenagers threw a rock at me. Maybe they were put off by me wearing my drapes, cuz I couldn't afford material for clothes....HAHAHAHA!! I mean, how else could u explain the big scarf and loose clothing? I can imagine what insults they may have been saying among themselves, and it doesn't bother me.....but throwing a rock at a woman with two kids is a step further. So I walked over to Mr. Law enforcer and told him what happened. He talked to those kids, they denied it.....he came back to me.....sigh.....nothing came of it. I suppose I didn't want anything to really happen....I just wanted to stand up to it.

Another time, when I had just started wearing niqab, (I have since removed it).....2 little kids were playing close to my own daughter. At that time the oldest was about 3 yrs old....so I guess these two kids were about 7. A girl and a boy. The girl was really friendly and she came and sat beside me.....I was giving my daughter a sandwich, and I offered the girl one too. She ate it happily and I joined her as well.

The little boy, however, just stuck in the background and refused to come closer to me. Finally I got up and walked over to him and said, "hi!" He answered warily. So then I said.."My name is Safa....these are my two children....I was born here in Canada, even if I do dress funny....maybe I'm allergic to the sun?....but no, it's something else.....you don't have to be scared of me...I'm not the boogeyman, I'm just a Mommy outside on a beautiful day with my two girls enjoying some fresh air....do you want to come sit with us?" He said no. So I said, okay..bye...but if you change ur mind, I'm still going to be sitting over there.

Eventually, about a half hour later, he did come sit down. Prolly waiting to see if I was going to eat his friend or something....LOL! Prolly just genuinely shy. I gave him a sandwich, and slowly, the two kids wandered off somewhere else. I thought about that boy a lot the next day. How he was an observer. Didn't have the guts to just JUMP IN as his friend did.....but preferred to sit and watch and wait until he was ready. I bet he goes to the pool and slowly walks down the stairs at the shallow end, until his body adjusts. Is there excitement in that? Hardly, I'd think. But there is security. I like security.....but I do like jumping in too!

I enjoyed those walks, the freedom, playing Mommy....I was so new at it.....how old would I have been? Let me see......24? Yeah, or maybe 23. How fast does time sure fly.

So eventually we moved from there.....came to Egypt our first time. Only lasted a year and then back to Canada we went again. But this post is really about the weather, not about me reminiscing about times gone by. Musing, I dare say.

So I was saying its cloudy, windy and cold outside. Yeah. Well, you know what I found out this morning, staring off my balcony? That it's exactly the same INSIDE. No kidding. I can't see too well, cuz life has become cloudy. Things are moving around so much and are hard to tie down, cuz the wind is so darn strong! And yes, Its cold here. Winter blah's anyone?

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So here's my short term answer....it's food! Isn't it always food? HAHA! Well, I'm making grilled chicken caesar salad for dinner! Yum!!! I even bought the anchovies!!! So instead of preparing it to my hungry hoard, I'm typing away at my computer about the winter blahs! LOL!! OFF WITH HER HEAD!

So okay...let me get a move on it.....get things in order....and see what happens. If the caesar salad doesn't help things, I could always buy a cup of liquid sunshine! Or maybe ask Ummabdurrahman if she has any more bottles of crazy lying around.....(she did bottle it, u know!!!)