Angry in my bindings...

12:04 a.m.

The Black Stallion just started on TV. There is something comforting in this movie about a wild horse and an innocent child. I loved this movie as a child. There really isn't a lot of dialogue in it either.

It's a pleasant distraction.

This movie.

At my left shoulder, my cat is sitting on the chair and everytime I look at him he meows in acknowledgment that he saw me look. This cat used to be very skittish spending most of his time under the couch either sleeping or scared. But now? He's much, much better. He sometimes will sit on my legs, loves lying on my bed and seeks out attention. He's really come along very well.

The Black Stallion, my cat.....both troubled and eventually, tamed. This writing....now....at 12:04 am is a pleasant distraction.

~~~~

I'm starting to get worried. I called two lawyers. One of them said that she doesn't take legal aid certificates anymore. And the other said that she wouldn't have enough time to prepare for my court date....when I tried to reason with her and said, lets ask for an extension, etc etc....she was supposed to call me back.

and didn't. Sigh.

~~~~

The wording of the court documents is very harsh. Today I read it over again and it's just like WOW....like a smack in the face. On one paper it says that Noora has no intention or desire to ever reside with her mother again. Thats how it is worded. So today I called her and asked her if her father discussed this paperwork before he did it. She claimed that he did. So I asked her..."are you ever thinking to come home again?" She answered me by saying that maybe after a year of living with her Dad she'll come back. So then I said....so if the judge asked you, is that what you would say? Silence. Hmmmm. Well no, what she'd say is that for this year, so far as she knows, she wants to be with her Dad, but next year? She doesn't know. She wants to be able to decide.

Okay, I can understand that. We talked for 38 minutes and then she had to go. She wants to come home for a few days. I want her to, but at the same time, I'm worried about it. Will she try to influence the others....is she just coming for info?.....is she just trying to make an escape plan with her sister?.......or does she need a break? My gut feeling says no, don't let her come back just yet. But my motherly love says RIGHT NOW! What to do.....

~~~~

Went to Georgian College today. I'm thinking to do either Social Service Worker or Native Education - community and social development. Tomorrow I should have an email back about how to get started there. The part in my court papers where the ex says that I must move back to my other city or I forfeit custody of the children is really bugging me. Would a court just take the kids away from me? I think that if I'm enrolled to start school, that it will look very good for my court case. I also went in again to Food basics and talked to the bookeeper. They were supposed to hire me on, but haven't done so yet. She's supposed to talk to the manager and call me tomorrow.

My fingers are crossed. I also went to the YMCA. I'll be getting a family membership at reduced rates. I'm excited about it.

~~~~

12:28 am

My mind is wandering........can someone tell me how to shut it off? At least watching the Black stallion is helping. It's at the part now where the boy is on the island and he's just found the horse, all tied and stuck on the rocks with his ropes all tangled. Tangled on him and on things around him.

I feel like that horse.......angry in his bindings. And then? The boy sets him free, he runs off.

....