going to court...
I'm going to my first court date tomorrow for support. I'm a little anxious about it and at the same time feeling great. Finally this day has come where I step forward on my rights.
I've been in Canada since February 2008...... When I first came to Canada and started the paperwork for custody of my children, I initially wasn't interested in doing support at the same time. My lawyer advised me to do the support and I didn't like the idea. Somehow I felt like it was an insult for me to request support from the soon=to=be=ex. He was a muslim man who would never need a piece of paper to tell him he needed to spend money on his 5 children. How could I do that to him? I refused to file support and the lawyer said to me, very carefully, "if you don't file support today, you will NEVER see a dime from the father of your children"
How very true those words turned out to be.
Not only did the ex not pay me a cent, he also left Canada rather abruptly without goodbyes to his children, hugs, kisses......just a phone call saying he was leaving in 2 hours......and he was gone. It was almost a year before the kids heard from him again.
So now that I've got my head screwed on a bit better.....I'm moving forward and trying to correct some of my earlier, perhaps hasty and naive mistakes. Support being top of the order. I served the ex with his papers about 2 months ago....and about a month after that, he served me with his response. His papers show that he's not working, shows that he's on social assisstance because of a shaking in his arms and hands he's unable to work. It won't be the first time that a man has hid his wealth from his kids.....so I'm hoping that the courts look into his history very well.
I'm expecting him to leave Canada as soon as this court case is finished.....
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And yet another Friday rolled by and the ex didn't show up to take the kids. Last time this happened, the kids called him and he rolled in after 7 pm to get them. This time, no one called. It's fitting tho.....on Mothers' Day the kids should be with me anyways.
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And in other news....(lol)......I came to the realization that everyone has their own problems to deal with......and that as much as you think that your load is the worst, there is always someone out there carrying more. I applaud all the mothers out there who struggle....but still keep their heads above water. **clap clap clap**
And lastly........as beautiful as you are....there is always someone who is prettier, has a bigger butt....has nicer hair....etc etc. If your man leaves you for someone because she is "better looking" than you are.....that's not a good reason....there is ALWAYS someone different. Be proud of who you are on the inside.......you are beautiful!
posted by Safa at 6:57 AM
7 Comments:
Kudos to you Safa - I am glad that you are finally going to have your day in court - just a word of caution - do not be too surprised if he wriggles his way out of supporting the kids - just know this - he may think he got away with something but on judgment day it will bit him in the butt big time. You continue doing the best you can and supporting your kids and you will be rewarded many times over.
Very true - any man who leaves a woman for someone 'prettier' has issues - it is no reason to break apart a family - because you can bet the man is no long an Adonis either.
Take care of yourself and your family - keep on truckin' - you are doing a wonderful job.
10:27 AM
good luck in the court! let us know how things go, I'll cross my fingers for you!
1:33 PM
you know, Egian.....I have an issue with my daughter thinking that men just want the pretty girls......and that perhaps her father left me because his other wife was prettier.....I nearly choked when she said that.
"does that make sense to you?" I asked her?
Because if she honestly thinks that her father left me and his 5 kids cuz his other wife was pretty.....??.....errrm.....yeah.....I need to have a few talks with her....
6:59 PM
I hope everything goes well for you tomorrow. I will be thinking of you, as I always do.
As for ur daughter, I am pretty sure that her father is putting a lot of this crap in her head. I hope she doesn't really think this. Looks are not everything in life and it's what is inside that matters most.
Love and Hugs to you!!!!
10:06 PM
Salaam Alaikum.
It takes a lot of hard work to undo the damage that is done in girls' lives when they are raised under distorted versions of Islamic rules such as what you find in Egypt and much of the Arab world. I honestly believe they can be better better women in a country that guarantees their rights; and ultimately, if they choose, they will become stronger Muslimahs. We need that badly. Strong Muslim women who refuse to be denied our rights and follow Muslim men down the path of destruction they are so intent on.
Best of luck in the court. I hope you will be able to plant the seed in the judge's mind that Hosny's affairs need to be scrutinized closely and not just take his word for truth.
Love you,
Lisa
8:05 AM
Salam Safa,
I have sadly seen that stereotype "man left because found prettier/younger wife" very widely accepted in our community so it's no surprise your daughters might have caught on that.
I really pray that with the years they will be able to see a different model of women and especially, a different model of men. And hopefully they will meet men that will teach them that being a special woman is a LOT more than our looks, and that really looks is just a tiny part of who we are.
It is a horrible battle and it doesn't happen only in Muslim communities, but in general. Girls need to be sexy/pretty/show their "stuff" in order to be accepted/valued. They endure hours in front of the mirror, uncomfortable clothing,put "gunk" in their face (he he you can tell I don't like make up!) every day just to be noticed.
I don't have kids yet but I do worry how I'm going to raise my daughter to realize that, although she can sometimes choose to put make up or whatever she wants, there are more important things in life.
All the best!
10:29 PM
I need to comment on what you wrote, "so I'm hoping that the courts look into his history very well."
there are no court investigators. it's up to you and your lawyer to get him to submit all his paperwork. and if you know about other places where he has $, try to find proof yourself. if it's held in canada then your lawyer should be able to subpoena it. if it's overseas maybe u can find a family member who is sympathetic to you and can help u get this information.
but don't expect to walk into court and have the judge believe you over your ex about what he does/doesn't have. u are just one case and a pile of papers to the judge. he/she will believe what's presented in front of them.
8:12 AM
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