confirmed panic attack...
I brought the 15 yr old to the DR and he confirmed that it was a panic attack. He's also doing some blood work to check out her thyroid. Because she's on antibiotics at the moment, he even went so far as to get her a chest xray to make sure her lungs are clear. We go back on Thursday.
The ex dropped by yesterday while I was at work to check on his favourite daughter. He also brought her a gift. A cell phone. Activated and ready to go.
From what I heard my 12 yr old burst into tears after he left and cried in Sjon's arms. Remember when she fell off the bike and had to get three stitches? Her father had told her that he'd take her to Chinese food when she got better. She hasn't heard from him since.
I'm up in the air what to do......last time when he got her the ipod touch, I called him and complained......now what?
posted by Safa at 6:53 AM
8 Comments:
doesn't ur oldest pay her own cell phone bill? i'd either take N's phone away or tell the ex that if he doesn't put the oldest on a family share plan and pay both of their cell phone bills that u'll give away N's phone to a charity.
7:03 AM
and then I'll have to deal with the rage of my 15 yr old....
So yes, the oldest is playing her own bill and the details I have now from the 15 yr old is that...
Her father told her he paid $150 for the phone and that he is handing it over to her now. The monthly bill is her own responsibility. He also mentioned that the monthly plan is set at $35 and that it shouldn't be too much for me to pay. (my daughter has a babysitting job so I'm sure she can handle paying her own bill)
Latest news is he's leaving after our support case....fingers crossed...
11:29 AM
Take the phone away. You have to be the bad guy when you as a single mother are put in this position. He was wrong to give it to her and frankly, I would cut off all gifts from him unless they go through you first. Safa, you are making it too easy for him to turn your, sjon's and the kids' lives upside down. Stop playing it nice and deal with teh wrath of the kids for now until you get this child support and supervised visitation sorted out.
Call him and deal with him directly; no going through the kids. No more visitation until this is sorted out in court. I know you can't control cleo's phone (although I did at that age with my kids) but I would not even accept phone calls from him after you inform him of the new policy with regard to no visitation until the court papers are settled.
Sorry to be tough on you, but Safa I do think you have to take responsibility for letting his reappearance in their lives get so out of hand. You've let it go on this long because in some ways it is probably the easier thing to do and you won't have to be the bad guy to your kids. I get it, but now it is time to change your strategy because this one isn't working.
Love you, babe,
Lisa
1:28 PM
Salam Safa...
... I feel so bad you have to deal with this!
Safa, I agree with PM in this one... look your ex's behavior seems to be REALLY harming your children.
I would stop visitation with all (but the oldest since she is old enough) until you get sorted out (either by yourself or with a counselor) what is going on with your kids that one of them is getting panic attacks. And for sure he should NEVER again drop by your house if you are not there. I can't believe he did that.
I think you've been nice and tolerant which is good but enough is enough. WTH lately when they see him it seems they burst into tears, have panic attacks... what else is gonna happen only God knows.
Finally, IF you let the 15 year old keep her cell phone (personally I would not let my 15 year old have a cell phone but I tend to be on the overprotective side of things!) then change it NOW to pre-paid. The last thing you need is to have your daughter rack up a phone bill and you'll have to pay for it. Not good... unless the account is on the ex's name :D
6:29 PM
Safa - I agree with the others. And by you letting N have the phone, only fuels the fire for the others. You got to stand up and if N shows her wrath, then so be it. You are the parent! But you have to take a stand. Yeah it sucks being the bad guy. I know. But you got to be. Your kids well being and mental stability comes first before anything.
And why is the ex coming over when you are not there???? This is wrong. I think he shouldn't come over at all until the case is over. It only shows ur children that he can still do whatever he wants. Is that what you want??
Are you just playing nice cause you think he is going to leave after the case? Believe me, he will cause trouble no matter where he is. You have to step up and deal with him yourself and stop going through ur kids to him.
I don't want to be hard on you. But I am going through crap with Zane's father and I canceled his visitation with Zane cause he lied to me and said that I was a bad mother (among other things). I took pity on him because of what is going on with him (which u know) and tried to make it easy for him by seeing Zane. But the truth is that these men will never change. They are assholes who like to screw with our heads. Took me a long time to realize that but it's true. So I told him that he can forget about coming here and if he does, he won't see Zane. I am not going to have my son be around someone who disrespects his mother.
I am hear for ya if you need me.
Love and Hugs!
7:48 AM
And so the drama continues. I would go with the advice to change the cell plan to prepaid. If it's not in her name but in his name take it from her until he puts it in YOUR name and you can make it prepaid. That way she can only use the minutes she can afford. Otherwise you may be saddled with an enormous overseas bill when she starts calling him when he leaves.
He's a mentally unstable person and is intentionally trying to cause friction in your house. Tell the 15 yr old that when she has her tantrum. As long as she lives under your roof she abides by your rules. Explain that she's not ready to handle being in charge of her own cell unless she has a prepaid plan and you can see her calls.
Yeah, also tell him that your children are not an answering service and if he needs to get you a message he needs to contact you directly.
5:34 PM
actually, if the cell phone is in the ex's name (and on his credit card), then i would have the whole family use her cell phone to ring up his bill :)
6:09 PM
The cell phone is in the Ex's name, but it has my own phone number on the paperwork. It's not a prepaid phone and the bill should be about $30 per month. (if she stays in limits...HA)
I realize i need to make some clear lines....and some times I feel like the fight is gone out of me. Sigh.
I need to sign some papers with him, I think I'll bring the phone with me and give it back. I know the 15 yr old will rage.....but one day, she'll understand.
2:34 PM
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